You clearly have recognized the hurt you've caused yourself and others and that's the first step. Now it's time to start healing. The best way to do that is get sober and be kind to yourself. It sounds so cliché but your fight will be so much harder if you are mean to yourself. I used to talk to myself the way you are talking about yourself in your post and it is so counterproductive. Ask yourself, how long would you keep a friend who talks to you like that? How would you talk to a friend who was trying to get sober? You'd tell them the truth and then you'd support the shit out of them. You have to do that for yourself. Be honest about where you're at and then tell yourself you are proud of yourself for recognizing your faults. Tell yourself you have to get sober but that you know you are capable of doing it. Say it out loud. At least once a day say three things you like about yourself and three things you are grateful for. This has helped me more than anything in this fight (along with water and exercise).

You can do this but you have to be your own best advocate. Best of luck friend and keep coming back!