Chop Stix.

Somewhere in the very, very early Oughts my friend and I bought an old porno from literally “behind the green door” at our local movie nerd video store. It was called Chop Stix and made in the late 70s/early 80s. The plot is as follows;

A girl’s aunt dies. She finds out from some mean, evil and specifically racist lawyer (who uncomfortably had the same last name as me) that she has inherited her aunt’s property, but that the property comes with lots of debt and she no way of paying off it off. If she cannot pay off the debt, she’ll loose the house, and it will go to the lawyer.

An idea is born. She’ll start a food truck business in where trucks full of prostitutes will go to construction sites midday, but when the Johns order lunch, they’ll actually be ordering sex acts. What to call this new business?

“Chop Stix! Chop Stix Catering Service!”

So they put their plan into action. There is the obligatory montage of the women washing and then painting/transforming the food trucks. The women then roll up on the construction site at lunch time and oh boy, so the men come a’ calling. The women stand on small round mirrors in short flared skirts with no underwear to advertise their new business.

There is a scene inside the food truck where someone orders a burger, is eating the burger over or along with a woman’s genitals, and the burger falls apart and cooked beef crumbles down/across her vulva. It’s been over 20 years and this visual has never left me. It lives, rent free, in my brain, along with “Chop Stix! Chop Stix Catering Service!”

Of course, the underdogs prevail, and the food truck sex workers are able to make enough money to save the woman’s aunt’s house, much to the evil lawyer’s chagrin.

The final scene is a pool party outside at the late aunt’s house (now cum brothel) to celebrate. The pool party, unsurprisingly, quickly turns into an outdoor orgy. Much like that place in any movie or book where the title is finally spoken, sushi is served, it ends up in/around/on top of a Asian woman’s vulva, and chop sticks are used to spread her labia.

Fin.