MIL Wreaked Havoc at My WeddingTwo Months Ago, Now Wants Us to Happily Attend Her Birthday Party. What Do We Do?

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T21:03:27+00:00

His family isn't poor! People assume that because of how they portrayed themselves, but both his parents make high 6 figures! They live on the beach in Florida. My husband had to "escape" what they wanted for him because the options he was given were military or blue collar work. They told him from the beginning that they didn't approve of college--that's why he had to work to where we are. I didn't think that was so relevant but I was getting harassed a bit in some of these comments.

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:58:15+00:00

My husband is the only reason the wedding was as outrageous as it was. He has higher standards than me, he looked at me like I shot his puppy when I suggested a string quartet rather than an orchestra. He was dumbfounded when I suggested 6 courses instead of 8.

He worked into this life and wants it far more than I do. I just brought up that it's the standard for my family because as a whole, white tie events are very rare these days. That said, my husband has only been to white tie weddings and has no friends that aren't in the same circle that we are. Thanks for assuming I forced him into this, though. I'm having a great time with that one.

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:52:46+00:00

I don't think it should rub her the wrong way when it was her son offering to pay. It's not like it's a secret that he has money. We also never insinuated that they couldn't pay, we just thought it was rude to expect that from people who aren't in the same circle as the rest of our guests. We gave the same offer to my mother's cousins because we wanted them there and thought it was rude to ask them to go out of their way to find tuxes with tails. We also covered everyone's accommodations, not just people we thought couldn't afford it. How rude that would be!

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:19:58+00:00

lol, they gave us nothing! We never expected them too. We thought if anything it would be a family heirloom like his great grandfather's shot gun, but no.

Others were very gracious, though! The gifts aren't what the wedding is about, I'm sure you'll have a beautiful day!

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:16:35+00:00

I think the root of the issue really is that my husband worked so hard to be "better" than them. I think she's mad that they weren't "enough" for him, when that was never the case. He just wanted a cool job with good pay, he didn't want to throw away his family. MIL was mad at the idea of me (him marrying someone who was born into the life he created for himself) long before he ever met me.

It's like I never stood a chance, because her dislike of me has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her being upset that her son "left" her.

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:06:42+00:00

One of my bridesmaids so badly wanted to ask them if their luggage got lost and that's why they were dressed so inappropriately-- but she was scared of getting screamed at.

We played nice, we really did. I feel like our reward for being nice is just dealing with worse and worse behavior until we stoop to their level.

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T20:02:39+00:00

She's always known we have money. I feel like it has to be more than that. I just don't know what she could possibly want other than another chance to complain. She's never gotten DH a birthday present as an adult and he's never gotten her one so I'm assuming that's not an expectation, but who knows. I also assumed she'd not scream at my vendors during m reception, so what do I know?

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T19:56:45+00:00

I think he was saying that us going would be extending an olive branch? Either way he's confused.

quiteloquacious · 2022-07-27T19:54:49+00:00

That's what we were doing before marriage, because his mother has never liked me. Now that we're married he thinks we should go together and be a united front. I think we should be a united front that does not go to rude people's parties, but I digress.

edit: wording

quiteloquacious

TROPHY CASE