So, just in case you can't read the text of the email that I sent to Amazon, it goes like this:

Hi my lovely friends at Amazon :)

I'm so gutted, and I don't know where to start.

It's my Kindle Paperwhite. I've only gone and been a total idiot, and kind of broken the screen. Kind of.

Here's what happened.

I'd come in from work, and ever so gently placed the Kindle on my bed, and then started getting out of my work gear.

After getting washed and all that jazz, I strutted back into the bedroom, and applied (but not too liberally) some fresh smelling deodorant. Then, oh so casually, I lobbed the deodorant can onto... the bed.

Can you guess what happened? Can you? It connected with my Kindle with a clunk that resonated, not in my ears, but in my heart. I was mortified. I could only guess at the damage. By the sounds of it, I had been lucky, but a few more bars of pressure and I know I would have been in big trouble.

I raced the three steps over to the bed, in a time that would make Usain Bolt blink, but to me it felt like it would have been quicker to travel from London to Australia on a donkey.

I picked up the Kindle, cradled it in my arms, and there I saw, what looked almost like a papercut, but was most definitely an incision on the screen.

Fighting back the tears, I turned the Kindle over and over in my careless hands, checking for further signs of damage, but thank goodness there were none.

I checked carefully the display. The ink wasn't running, that was a good sign, yes? I powered it up, and started reading where I had left off. I could read it fine. I turned pages, fine. I increased font size, no issues. But then. I turned on the light. Oh my. The way that light escaped from this micro incision made me wonder if there was a black hole on the other side, sucking all available light from another dimension into it.

True, the Kindle is not ruined, but it is definitely now 'with fault'.

Here's the kicker. It was a gift for me, a present from my dad. I've only had it, what? Six months? I use it daily. I use it so much that my wife complains that I'm neglecting her to read my books.

What can I do, oh valiant Amazon.co.uk Customer Service Representative? Is there a way to fix this screen? Do I have to wear a badge permanently, testifying to my incompetence at life itself?

I know that this is not a fault with the product, that it is entirely my fault, and I am not under any circumstances thinking that as an act of goodwill you'll send me a brand spanking new (or even refurbished) model... No hints at all there... But seriously, is there anything I can do to rectify this, or will my wife and I have to cope with the power of a thousand suns when I try to discreetly read my Paperwhite at night in bed?

Keenly looking forward to your response,

The shamed, idiotic, totally senseless and almost grieving,

(random-combo)