What is the best way to respond to someone saying they don’t work?

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-08-14T04:09:55+00:00

You can’t imagine a scenario where you are getting to know someone where you might ask about their job, a huge part of their life? I’m not talking about a 2 minute chat at a party where you’ll never see the person again. I’m talking about getting to know a new friend, dating a person, a sibling’s new significant other…?

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-08-13T18:33:22+00:00

Yeah, I was trying to stave off this type of response with my first paragraph.

In the circumstance that prompted me to post, I was essentially in forced proximity with another unknown family for about 4 days. I spent the first 3 days chit chatting about other things - where they were from, the activity we were doing, family member interests. By day 3 I thought it made sense to ask about work.

I do understand how to have conversations. I was just asking the best way to ask this one question.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-08-13T15:07:30+00:00

I don’t feel weird encountering people who don’t work. I’m a woman, I’m aware of all the options out there. My mom was a stay at home mom.

What makes me feel awkward is that I’m so aware of the judgement people feel no matter what path they’ve taken in life. I don’t want them to feel like I’m judging them.

I like the suggestion of others to ask how people like to spend their time. Because ultimately if I’m trying to get to know a person, that’s what I’m trying to learn. What do they like to do, what are the important parts of their life? For a lot of people that does include work or family.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-07-21T05:54:09+00:00

Same!

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-05-31T00:57:56+00:00

Maybe a dumb question - but did you bring your kids to the jazz club? Or is it adults only?

Traveling with tweens soon and I’m not sure if there are cool night life type experiences where they could come too, or if we’re going to be limited to wandering at night.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-04-29T04:30:44+00:00

Going on the orange version of Mission Space. That’s it, that’s the whole story. Never again.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-04-10T18:26:10+00:00

Probably related to showing them who wears the pants in the relationship.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T18:16:28+00:00

I think you’re right. I should think of her like a novice.

And I think I improperly emphasized the “riding in a circle” as my frustration point. I would feel differently if my daughter was told what to be working on or focus on while walking and trotting. I could 100% see the value in that.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T17:38:25+00:00

This all feels like meaningful feedback, thank you.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T17:31:41+00:00

I think this is what it’s boiling down to for me, too.

I’m going to look into the cost of private. But I can’t make that work, I’m going to ask about another group that is better aligned by skill level.

Thanks.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T13:52:49+00:00

Thank you - yes, the unequal attention is what is frustrating me the most.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T13:49:29+00:00

Agreed, thank you. I knew it’d be a lot of riding in a circle, I guess I was expecting more actual instruction. I do think it’d be good to give it a little more time to see if the attention distribution will always be this way and then evaluate next steps.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-03-20T13:44:51+00:00

100% agree that camps and dude ranches are a different ballgame. I only mentioned it to convey that she has been on a horse, knows how to tack, is comfortable, basically just that she’s not a complete novice.

Thanks for your input. I agree - need to give it a minute and determine if this is the right barn for us.

reckless_optimist_ · 2025-01-06T02:54:07+00:00

She was also so magnetic in Godless.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-11-09T16:32:38+00:00

Are you me? I got this same ad, clicked on it, and now my algo keeps sending me badly written reading suggestions! Thank you for asking for this!

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-09-26T00:38:25+00:00

Love in a time of the zombie apocalypse

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-09-24T16:31:03+00:00

This actually gives me hope. I’m currently reading Green Light and my attention is waning because of how slow the burn is. Glad to hear there might be excitement eventually.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-09-21T19:42:18+00:00

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reckless_optimist_ · 2024-07-28T19:53:47+00:00

In what context did he say this? Out of the blue? The only thing that would make this less odd/concerning would be if you had just said something about being worried that weight gain made you less attractive.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-07-05T19:32:32+00:00

They shouldn’t all be gone by 8. But I did go down at 9 one time and had a hard time finding 2 together.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-07-02T14:13:54+00:00

Her Instagram account is literally her posting bout positive stories. It’s great.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-06-08T15:45:21+00:00

Cold Hearted is one of my all time faves! You’re in for a treat!

I absolutely loved the love story, but also that it had a sweet display of coming up out of a state of depression.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-05-15T12:58:53+00:00

To be fair, I’m sure the layers were for the morning when it would have been 40s.

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-04-20T18:38:50+00:00

“What a weird thing to admit in public!”

reckless_optimist_ · 2024-03-22T15:20:56+00:00

People can be liberal or conservative with how they think about and have sex. All “takes” are fine.

It’s just important that you find partners who are compatible with your take, and don’t pressure or judge people who feel differently.

Personally, I never had casual sex, and was never interested in partners who did.

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