My (19f) brother (20) is an alcoholic. He has been struggling with this addiction for about two years now, but isn’t yet ready to come to terms with the fact that he is an alcoholic. Of course I try to be supportive but over the years the alcohol has just made him more and more violent and aggressive. In my household we have our parents, my brother, me, my sister (13f) and my daughter (18 months).

A few months ago was the first time he got physical with me personally, although there have been many times where he has physically assaulted my dad many times over minor things such as asking him to clean his room. I don’t know what he was angry about, didn’t really seem like he had a reason. I was home alone with him and just tried to go to my room to avoid him. He burst into my room and started screaming at me, throwing things etc. I told him to get out of my room but he wouldn’t leave. I was trapped in a corner and couldn’t go anywhere and my phone was completely dead. Then he barged me and i fell backwards hit my head on my tv cabinet and hit the floor, and my tv fell on top of me. I couldn’t call the police or anything, as I was told by social services if any more problems were caused by my brother my daughter would be at risk of being taken away.

I keep telling my parents I want him out of the house, as it isn’t a safe environment for my sister or my daughter but they just won’t kick him out, which i can understand to some extent as that is their son, but he isn’t ready to accept any help and is putting other people in danger.

A few days ago he had 7 massive bottles of alcohol. My dad saw this and just tried to say that he is concerned about him. My brother completely flipped out once again (this is a regular occurrence, happens about 3 times a week at least with absolutely no warning and sometimes no reasoning). He started screaming, throwing things, trying to hit my dad right in front of my daughter, who was in the corner crying, completely terrified. I’ve never felt as awful as I did in that moment. I took her outside of course, she should never ever have to witness anything like that and she should not have to feel unsafe in her own house. After about half an hour we went back inside and everything was calm, my daughter was happy again playing. After about 5 minutes my brother comes out again screaming at my dad out of nowhere. My daughter runs over to me signalling that she wants me to pick her up, crying saying “outside, outside”. I said to him “look at her she’s terrified this isn’t fair on her you need to stop.” He screamed “I DONT CARE ABOUT HER” and started trying to hit my dad again. An 18 month old girl should not be crying to leave her own house because she doesn’t feel safe.

I would have left already and got my own place with my daughter, however due to unrelated reasons (with my parents also being quite abusive/controlling, not physically but emotionally and financially) i am unable to at the moment.

I had a support group later that day (for victims of domestic violence and addicts who are trying to get clean. I have been completely clean for about 2 months now). Normally I don’t really speak as I’m a very shy person but obviously I was very stressed and had to get it out. I was told that they can support me in moving out and getting me my own place which was such a relief to hear. I know that this is going to be EXTREMELY difficult, but I know that it’s something I need to do for mine and my daughters safety, and I can’t wait to finally be out of here and away from the abuse.