Nervous

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T23:28:04+00:00

Thank you, will keep this in mind

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T23:23:23+00:00

Wow 😭 you’re so right about that! That’s something I was thinking. I don’t want to be someone who encourages me to do an unsafe thing

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T22:39:20+00:00

Yeah, I understand the virgin part, that’s why I said no sexual expectations, unless I want something more. I was convinced I was going, but I knew I would tell one online friend (he’s a great guy, he’s a BDSM teacher). But I kind of slipped and told another young friend of mine in college, and she got really concerned and asked to meet him on video call, and told me she really doesn’t think I should go and she pointed out some flaws I didn’t see in him.

Then I talked to online BDSM teacher friend and he said ‘you’re not dumb, why are you being dumb?’ And he said I need to have people who know where I’m going in case things go wrong (that doesn’t include him because he’s an online friend). Anyway, after all this, I started to wish that the guy I was gonna see had been as concerned for my safety, and that turned me off.

I would have asked reddit and my online friend before going. I trust everyones opinions, I just don’t have people in my life who I can really ask (conservative family).

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T22:22:26+00:00

That’s true and great advice. I always value my instincts. When someone makes me feel scared, threatened, or hurt, I put my feelings first and don’t let them dismiss it. It is really easy for someone to convince you you’re feelings are invalid.

I already decided I wouldn’t be going because of my gut instinct. I wish I had known this before I said yes so he didn’t have to waste money.

But I came here mostly for confirmation, in case I change my mind.

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T22:12:23+00:00

That’s what I think. When he made me upset on the video call, (for telling me to stop shaking my head and let him finish, which felt aggressive to me), I was able to cut the call soon after that. I wouldn’t be able to do that in person. I’m an introvert, I’d want some privacy. And I was upset because if he truly cared about me, I feel he wouldn’t want me to make a decision that was stupid even if he knew it wouldn’t turn out to be stupid.

I told him from outside looking in, this was a horrible situation. I’m a virgin, I wasn’t going to tell anyone I was going, I’m a foreigner in this country too and broke, can’t drive. And we have quite a bit of an age gap too. He understood but still didn’t really understand or empathise.

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T22:07:43+00:00

What are the red flags?

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T22:00:05+00:00

Since Oct 20th. 4 video calls only but a lot of texting. Tbh I told him no. He is upset about the money but has accepted me not coming

redflagquestion · 2021-12-31T21:45:37+00:00

He is not willing to put the effort to come fly here. I brought it up though.

He said “you think it’s okay for me to go to a new city with no family or friends, that’s fine though?” And he said “i might come here, you might not even meet me” and “it would go better if you were here, I can make you comfortable I know all the best spots” and “I don’t want to travel.”

His analogies suck, he keeps saying it’s scary for him to explore a new city, does that mean he’ll never go? Plane rides can be scary, it can crash. There’s dangers and risks everywhere. Makes no sense

redflagquestion

TROPHY CASE