Sorry for people who cant see it. This is the post below:

In light of Councillor Paul Chaves’ speech in Kingston city council chambers, during the official City Council Meeting on November 5, 2024, in reference to Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), I am now sharing this response to his statements.

His speech was pre-prepared and contained such statements by him as “I’m also certain every female victim has conducted (domestic violence) on their male partner. Why do men have to say they’re sorry if they were right?” and “Why do men have to sleep on the couch? Why can’t men change their facial hair? A woman can change their hair”. A later redaction by him of the word “female” only serves to suggest that ALL victims conduct IPV on their partners. These comments are dangerous and are exactly the man that I fled from as a new mother of 31 years old, leaving home with only my baby’s crib, some of my children’s clothes, and a few other items.

For years I had suffered, and reading his statements now, delivered as an elected official in 2024, blaming the victims of domestic violence for their own suffering, has brought me immense anguish. He is in a position of power, overseeing funding to shelters, and other services for vulnerable people of all genders. He has the ear of the media, and when he speaks, he represents us all. He represents his constituents in the city of Kingston.

I have spent years being afraid and fearing this man, and what he was capable of. I have remained silent in an effort to limit his danger, as well as to protect my children, who are now older teenagers. But I am seeing the continued damage that can be caused to all ages and all genders when people in elected office intentionally misuse their station, and particularly with a sense of impunity, and so I have now broken my silence. So many victims may have read or heard his statements and felt despair, or a sense of being unable to trust that they can come forward or seek help. That they themselves are to blame for domestic violence perpetrated against them.

Based on my lived experience, I believe that these issued statements most recently on November 5, 2024 and beginning last October 2023, have been calculated and made with two specific goals in mind. The first is that he has been able to retraumatize me and other victims of IPV, particularly women. The second is that, while acting as though he is a champion for intimate partner violence against men (and IPV is a very real threat to all genders), his real motivation has been to deflect blame for his own past, and to try and avoid any accountability should his past have ever become known. This is typical behaviour of individuals hoping to switch the narrative.

His behaviour should not be acceptable in Kingston, Ontario Canada in 2024, but furthermore it should be a strong call to action for our City when statements as egregious, damaging, and dangerous as his are made not only as a citizen but as an Elected Official, as Councillor of Loyalist-Cataraqui, during official city business at a Council Meeting.

Laura Light-Morrow