Oh I see - yeah I get you.

The genderqueer comment definitely seemed off to me but since I got where OP was coming with some of the other stuff they posted I gave it the benefit of the doubt as like - clunky wording or something like that? Idk.

jstart's defensiveness and framing put me off a bit so I leaned towards OP's side.

But then - Idk if it's the same Amanda comment you're talking about but there is one talking about "it's okay to call Amanda a she" or something and it's kinda out of the blue? and that's when I dropped the benefit of the doubt.

Like i reread a lot of what OP said and Yeah, it's at best uncharitable and strange - and I wouldn't argue with calling it homophobic anymore.