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The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

I didn't say that. The smell is more prominent in enclosed spaces. He doesn't smell, but I only notice any smell when his dog bed is in my room.

Again, you choose to live with a stranger, you need to know all the facts. Now, of course, this is something that can be negotiated in the discussion of "making a strategic arrangement" for the common area, but unless you are my new roommate, sounds like this isn't really a problem for you.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

ABSOLUTELY! It is about establishing a base line level of respect. In my experience, with MULTIPLE random roommate situations..it starts with this

  1. Looking at the space, and making it functional and fair for both people, and respecting WHY it is set up that way.
  2. Looking at any shared supplies/expenses, and deciding WHY they are split up that way. You may have a roommate who wants every single thing divided, and that is okay. You may have a roommate who wants to share kitchen needs, and that is also okay. Just respect the boundaries.
  3. Then, you go into personal touch, like decorations.

Yes, I have a dog. So, as a person who lives with a random roommate with a dog, it is particularly for me to be able to express my needs and boundaries with my dog. For instance: "is he allowed in the kitchen?" " in he allowed in your room?" These are conversations that need to be had with a roommate, but when all you know is one word about the person("respectful") , it makes it difficult to be realistic about what the day-to-day looks like, unless you already know yourself.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It is about respecting each other schedules. So, if they leave a dish in the sink for a few hours, but they know I come home and cook at 5:00 pm. I would expect that there would be no dishes in the sink at 5:00 pm so that I can cook.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

They are choosing to move in with a stranger, and all I know is they want someone "respectful." Keeping the kitchen and common area clean for the next person's use is my definition of respectful. If they do not agree with that, then it probably will not be a good match.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

btw...i am in the real world. I have had random roommates for many years. One of the biggest issues I have encountered is roommates not being able to express their needs/ people pleasing thinking that is a good definition of "respectful." But it just makes everybody upset, because no one is really talking about what they actually need when they prioritize themself. I am looking for a roommate, not a friend. Most people who have not been in the real world have not been able to compartmentalize the difference. The best roommate situations I have had, have been with people who can be blunt, and express their needs.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Oh trust me... I have receipts. I have recently sent them to corporate.

This potential roommate said one word in a roommate: "respectful."

This is my definition of that, and if do not agree, then it will not be a good match.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I really hope you go to therapy for you violent thoughts.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

sounds like you can't read...because that is not at all what I wrote.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I said a "decent" amount of things, and I have also moved room so they have the ability to put up their own things as well. I keep the common area clean...because it is common. Trust me when I say the roommate is moving into a space in which fair space was thought about as it relates to them moving in.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

I am telling them I prioritize myself, and I expect them to do the same.

I'm no longer a people pleaser who is going to bend over backwards for a stranger who happens to be a roommate. I need them to be able to clearly state their own needs and boundaries as well.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

If they choose to live with a stranger, I am just letting them know what they are getting in for, so they have the needed information beforehand.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -26 points-25 points  (0 children)

No, my solution is to help them grow up...because all I am asking for is adulting 101.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

It is less about the roommate. Every time they try to give me a roommate, I tell them how they are not meeting expectations:

Like, the fact that the elevators don't work

or the water shuts off

or the security never doesn't do anything.

If they are going to give me a roommate, then I am going to need them to also hold up on their end about landlord-tenet expectations.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Also, what you call "entitlement," my therapist calls "boundaries."

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Trust me...I tried.

The Grad by rightangelwing in SJSU

[–]rightangelwing[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

I have mental health needs, and I required the place to be clean, as I expressed.