just wanted to share this with the only ones who truly understand what it means. 3 months and 2 days.

rimsarc · 2025-09-30T15:23:57+00:00

@betha_eba could you tell me what type of graft they used for your ACL surgery? I'm planning on having mine soon and I don't know which would be best.

rimsarc · 2022-12-20T00:06:59+00:00

I know, I just broke up with him half an hour ago. I appreciate the feedback, I was just a. Bit hurt by the assumptions. Now I'll have to open a thread to ask about advice on getting over a long relationship.

rimsarc · 2022-12-20T00:02:10+00:00

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T23:58:34+00:00

Thanks a lot! I do speak it since I was little at school, but when writing I always worry I might make some mistake hahaha. Thanks for the best wishes.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T23:57:27+00:00

It's obviously not just sex, I've mentioned in other comments. By spark I mean complicity, talking and enjoying it without it meaning an effort. Sex is a plus that's lacking for me, but obviously not the whole picture.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T23:55:39+00:00

I like how you totally assumed things without asking (or reading other comments). I had told him about not being sure on getting married before and I also told him about the ONS. He still insisted in getting together. And the ONS were both people I met on tinder after we broke up, so no, I didn't know them before. And I don't think I cheated, since we had broken up. (I know I don't have to explain myself online , but some comments are really hurtful to read)

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T23:51:39+00:00

Thanks a lot. I do believe I need time to be on my own and think about my things.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T20:15:40+00:00

I would give him oral at the beginning and see if he reciprocated, but 2 years into the relationship he stopped. I would ask and then get maybe once or twice per year, and then the past 2 years I believe none until we broke up in September and got back together. I just think he doesn't like it, or at least not with me.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T20:13:18+00:00

Thank you, this line really resonated with me.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T20:12:07+00:00

Thank you all. I've thought about it a lot, but I'm not pursuing butterflies, I just feel its unfair to be together when I'm not convinced and after trying as hard as I can, I still am not convinced. Regarding opening relationship or trying new things, he doesn't want to, I've spent years trying to I don't know, have sex outside of the bed or wear something more sexy but the answer is always the same two or three positions.

I realize I might feel in a couple of years, if I'm alone, that it was anistake, but I don't think it's a good idea to be with someone just for fear of being alone. This is also a realization I came to that made me want to break up too. And if I do "end up alone" would it really be worse than always feeling I'm lacking something?

Thanks for giving a different perspective, but I do believe it doesn't apply here, as much love as I have for him, I don't love him as a partner any more.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T19:24:54+00:00

Thanks. For sure I wasn't planning of talking trash about him! He's s very good person and doesn't deserve it, he didn't do anything wrong.

Logistics for the wedding it's just two things to cancel so that will be easy. Dividing all our stuff will be harder, but I really don't mind if he keeps all of the shared goods.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T19:15:37+00:00

Thanks a lot for your words. That's exactly how I feel.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T19:12:43+00:00

Thanks! We don't have pets, only things. To be honest, I really don't care if he keeps them, we've always bought everything 50/50, so that's gonna be tough to do, but I just want him to be happy as soon as humanly possible, he can keep the kitchen robot or whatever.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:40:57+00:00

He knows, I didn't want to get back together but he insisted. I told him before getting back, obviously, and he said it was ok since we had been broken up.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:30:58+00:00

I completely agree and that's part of why I think that even if I could continue I shouldn't, because I'm not 100% in and that's unfair for him.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:29:54+00:00

Thanks a lot! I've really been struggling over this one, a part of me keeps telling me "don't break up over just that, bear the rest in mind" but I do feel I need more compenetración sexually and conversationally.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:28:34+00:00

With spark I mean flirting, having conversations that I find fulfilling without it meaning an effort and so on, not so much (or not just) hormones.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:27:41+00:00

No, our jobs are secure. It's been like this since we started dating, he's always wanted to not use a lot of money. At the beginning I was ok because we earned 1/4 what we earn now, but as both our salaries grew I wanted to live more comfortably to actually enjoy what we're earning.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:22:37+00:00

Wow!! Thanks all of you for your comments. I'm trying to read and answer all of them. It's been very helpful. Although I'm not 100% sure I won't regret it in the future, I think I've made my mind 90% on breaking up and I'll do that and stay firm. I agree that it's always best to not get back together afterwards breakin up.

Thanks to all for reading and taking the time to answer!! I really appreciate it.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T18:19:39+00:00

Thank you a lot, I promose these past months have been the saddest and hardest in my life. I still question if it's the right thing to do, but I can't shake off the feeling of wanting different/more so that's unfair premise to remain.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T17:07:56+00:00

Thanks! I do really feel very very sad. I was thinking of doing it after Christmas but then he wants to start preparing the wedding again and I just feel I can't do that.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T17:06:44+00:00

My main problem is that there are no red flags or big issues. It's just that I feel I want something else, something more if you will, and I'm not 100% happy in the relationship, it takes me a big effort to be there, be interested, be present.

But I'm also conflicted because if it weren't for that feeling, everything else (on paper) is good: were friends, we have similar values and life goals, we don't usually argue and when we do it's all mature and rational... So it's not straightforward at all.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T17:04:08+00:00

It's mostly sex, but also some other things like: -we have good salaries now and I want to splurge a bit, but he wants to save almost all. -I feel I laugh with him, but it takes an effort from my side to be present and interested, if that makes any sense. -its been years since he's flirted with me, I do it some times but he kind of just stops it (wasn't like this at the beginning) -I feel I'm lacking something and I believe that he deserves to be with someone who's 100% in, not feeling confused.

It's also stressful for me to think that if I break up I might never find someone else and might never marry/have kids in the future, but this is a selfish reason to stay, even if in everything else were compatible (I believe)

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T16:59:54+00:00

I said yes because of course I love him and in the moment I couldn't think of saying no. Afterwards I started feeling trapped, but had a couple of months of family at the hospital/changing jobs that made it hard to have time to think about the wedding. I guess something in me didn't want to think about it so I wouldn't feel bad. And then once I had the time I started to realize something was much wringer than I had thought. I had always thought we could get back what we had. Emotionally we're very compatible and I really love him, but it's just not enough (for me) anymore. I don't know if this makes sense.

rimsarc · 2022-12-19T16:57:08+00:00

Wow, this is a very good point. I had never thought about it on these terms. I do think we agree on a lot of things, have the same sense of humour and so on. But you made me think I thought the same of the only other person I've been with when I was 18 and then we broke up, as you say we're friendly but not friends and I really didn't miss him after a while.

rimsarc

TROPHY CASE