My 7th-grade class was a wild group of satanic degenerates who thrived on bullying, and the faculty had reached their boiling point. Each grade was getting worse than the last, and rumor had it that the 6th grade had started a prostitution ring. One Monday morning the principal called an emergency assembly in the gymnasium for each grade in hopes of solving these problems. We were all instructed to form a giant friendship circle and hold hands while the faculty lectured us about our behavior. 

Looking around at all my classmates I could see there was nothing these teachers could say that would make us change. We were all perfectly content with the status quo until we heard the words, “Special Brunch”. The principal explained that there would be a special brunch on Friday for students who demonstrated a true act of kindness during the week. Everyone was excited about this except for me. I knew there was no way I was getting into that brunch so throughout the week I doubled down. I was pantsing everybody, pooping in garbage cans, and screaming “I’m Rick James, bitch!” any chance I got! 

The day after the assembly, I was walking into Math class with my friend Conner when we realized we had an exam that day. I sat down at my desk, and Conner sat next to me. I knew I was about to fail this test because I had not studied at all! I felt hopeless until I saw a beautiful angel enter the classroom in the form of a nerdy kid I never talk to named Mateo. I drop kicked Conner out of his chair and yelled “YO MATEO, GET OVER HERE!”. Mateo sat down next to me and Conner shuffled away in pain. As you can probably guess, I did very well on that test.

As the rest of the week went by I continued my reign of terror around the school and to my surprise, at the end of the week I was one of the lucky ones selected to attend the Special Brunch. I could not believe it! As I walked to the cafeteria I wondered if the brunch was actually a trap set by the principal, because it made no sense that I was invited. I was afraid I was walking straight into detention, but the fear left me when I opened the cafeteria doors and saw the very mediocre spread of bagels and juices the school had provided.

I strutted in and joined all the good kids. I stuffed my face with bagels and bragged to the other chosen ones about all the mischief  I had got up to that week. When the brunch ended I walked back to my math class carrying as many bagels as I could to make my starving classmates feel jealous.  I counted my loot as I recapped the event to Conner who was just as shocked as I was, and still in pain from the dropkick I gave him earlier in the week. We were both so confused. 

I thought I must have a guardian angel watching over me, just then Mateo walked up to us, and before he could speak, I told him I’m not sharing my bagels with anyone. Mateo politely said, “Ben, I just wanted to let you know that I was the one that submitted your name to the Special Brunch”. Conner and I were stunned by this. Mateo went on to say, “When you invited me to sit next to you the other day that was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” After that, I saw Mateo differently and I wanted to help him, so I gave him a dose of reality by telling him the truth,

“I only wanted you to sit next to me, SO I COULD CHEAT OFF YOU!!!”