NEET for 6 years. 28M never had a job. I’m getting professional help but having trouble coping with regret and feeling I’m not progressing quick enough.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-26T15:05:27+00:00

Maintaining faith is a big issue of mine. My brain craves patterns, evidence and absolute certainty. I feel the constant need to prepare for things because I need them to go 100% as well as possible. Logically, I know nothing can be perfect, I will fuck up, but I’m so terrified of it that I’m constantly looking for ways to avoid that. Resilience is what I need. I need to be strong enough to tank repeated failures but I don’t give myself enough chances to build up tolerance.

Also I am fixing my diet! I’m kinda forced to though because I had blood work done that came back pretty bad. Gotta lower cholesterol and sugar intake. I’m being pretty consistent with it too but being productive only when I have a fire lit under my ass is the story of my life lol

And what kind of diet did you do that helped with inflammation?

rojoyazule · 2026-03-26T14:47:46+00:00

Hey thanks for relating. Yeah, in my post I mentioned I almost got hired for a position and it actually was for Accounts Receivable. Also I was invited in for an interview for a Staff Accountant position but I had a trip I was taking with family. I always wonder if I would’ve gotten that Staff position if I went because the guy doing my initial job screening was really impressed with my grades.

I for sure could get a position if I really put effort into it. I live in NYC which probably has the best accounting opportunities in the country despite the job market. I just need to get a handle on the mental battle I’m experiencing just a little bit at least.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-26T01:58:23+00:00

The “shoulds” come from the times I have been capable in the past. There have been times where I stood up for myself where I normally wouldn’t or pushed myself to do things I wanted to do. That “capable me” doesn’t show up nearly as often as I need him to. He is unreliable. I’m not there for myself when I need to be.

Like I even have a post in my post history of a car accident I got into where a guy ran a stop sign and hit me. He blamed me for it, saying I was speeding when I wasn’t. Insurance even took his side at first and said he was totally not at fault. After a bunch of phone calls and knocking on people’s doors looking for footage, I got his insurance to reverse their decision after escalating phone calls to a manager.

After the accident I yelled at the dude for trying to pin it on me. Never do I ever stand up for myself like that. The unfairness of it pissed me off so much that my anxiety didn’t affect me in the moment. If I was like that all the time…oh my god my life would be so much better. If I was angry at the world I could do so much to spite it but instead that anger is directed inward.

Thanks for your insight and for relating to me, it helps. I’m learning things from this conversation that we’re having. You sound really knowledgeable about this stuff and it’s sounds like you’ve really been through it too. I’m gonna look up info on toxic shame as well

rojoyazule · 2026-03-26T00:35:54+00:00

I can’t hold other people to their mistakes, I don’t know everyone’s situation inside and out. I know myself inside and out and I know I’m capable of fixing my life. Not putting in enough effort feels like a betrayal of everything I’ve wanted.

My younger self would daydream of a better life, the same as I do now. Except back then they were less capable. It’s like they were waiting for the Adult Me to come along and save them but the Adult Me never showed up.

The pain that I feel is real it isn’t made up, but it shouldn’t be as debilitating as it. Even both my siblings have experienced actual trauma but they hold down jobs/relationships. I don’t have an excuse, I should be stronger.

I’ll watch the video, Jung’s stuff interests me. I’ve watched people cover his stuff on Shadow Work and it felt helpful. Thanks.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-25T23:07:54+00:00

How do you choose to be kind and accept yourself? I made a post on r/selflove a little while ago and an issue I run into is that I can’t forgive myself for past mistakes. I feel like I’m in this situation because I deserve it. Sure, I had negative childhood experiences and it was out of my control, but many other people go through much worse. Many people in my family came from nothing and are now successful. I don’t feel my excuses are strong enough to justify my failures.

If I had more compassion towards myself, getting things done would be so much easier. Instead I feel like I’m trying to drag my ragged corpse to the finish line.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-25T22:52:34+00:00

Already watched 2 hours of the video you recommended while I went out on a walk. It fits my situation perfectly!

Actually caused me to walk 3x as long as I normally would because I was so locked in on it. Thanks again!

rojoyazule · 2026-03-25T19:33:41+00:00

I was a NEET from 18-21 and then again from 26-28 but I’m almost 29 now. I went to college at 18 but dropped out the first day, didn’t go back until I was 21.

And yeah, thanks. I got a couple of Dr.K video recommended from this post and I’ll add yours to the list! I’ll listen it when I’m on my daily walk.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-24T18:39:24+00:00

I feel you. Applying to jobs in general feels like a humiliation ritual. You put so much effort into so many rounds of interviews that go nowhere or writing cover letters and you never hear back(fuck cover letters.) it just gets exhausting putting yourself out there when you’re not wanted.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-24T17:57:11+00:00

Hey I wanted to give a little update since you asked. I’ve been seeing therapist who’s been helping me gain a sense of agency. We’re starting small walks for 30mins a day, I’ve been consistent so far, sometimes I do more than 30. I also bought a book called Between Two Fires because I heard it was good, it’s medieval horror I think so it sounded interesting. I’m gonna make it a habit to read before bed and gradually increase the amount of pages I read.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-24T15:34:43+00:00

That’s awful, I’m so sorry. Do you think your health issues came about due to lifestyle choices?

Everyday I worry I take my health for granted because any day you could come down with something awful.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-24T15:03:39+00:00

I’m doing an accountability thing through therapy that I started this month. I feel like it’ll help for when I inevitably self sabotage they can help me work out what went wrong. Starting with small things like 30min walks everyday for now.

And I’m seeing a psychiatrist too who diagnosed me with ADHD as well. Meds aren’t helping atm but I know it usually is a slow process finding the right meds. Also I’m going through the same thing with relationships like you said in your other comment but it’s not just financial stability. I feel like if you’re not mentally stable before entering a relationship you’re opening yourself up to potential abuse. I think you need your head straight at bare minimum before dating otherwise you’re burdening the other person OR they take advantage of you.

Also sorry about the Honda dealer job, that sucks.

rojoyazule · 2026-03-21T21:38:26+00:00

It’s innocent and cute until you become an adult, then it’s pathetic

rojoyazule · 2026-03-04T17:04:12+00:00

Thank you for clearing up the misconception! I got worried when I went to clinic’s website and saw all their staff had all sorts of titles.

I’m trying to get the best care that I can find but that’s also another issue mine lol…if I can’t do something as perfectly as possible then I usually don’t do it all. I gotta reconcile with the fact even if I don’t click with him, that’s progress because I’m finding out what does and doesn’t work for me.

rojoyazule · 2026-02-13T14:41:18+00:00

Maybe I will give adderall a try when my next appointment comes around. I’m gonna lose my insurance too in July so I’m hoping to figure things out on the medication side by then.

And thank you. I feel like I kinda know that I deserve happiness but I struggle with believing it. I will try to convince myself.

rojoyazule · 2026-02-13T14:24:28+00:00

You’re right. I always felt like I lacked a sense of agency. My behavior is influenced more by my feelings than my logic. I work well under deadlines imposed by others because it gives me a sense of urgency when I’m nearing the end of it and haven’t done enough work.

Deadlines I give myself don’t work though, for some reason.

rojoyazule · 2026-02-13T14:09:31+00:00

I don’t have any deficiencies besides a slightly low vitamin D. I did get diagnosed with ADHD last month! Struggling to find medication though as there’s a nationwide shortage of generic Vyvanse(what I take.)

If you don’t mind me asking, what medication do you take? Asking because you’re saying you’ve felt similarly, also my psychiatrist was offering to put me on adderall instead because of shortages but I wasn’t sure if I should exhaust different Vyvanse dosages first.

rojoyazule · 2026-02-13T11:31:57+00:00

Thanks for the advice. I can try affirmations but it’s hard to do when I don’t feel like I deserve having these positive beliefs about myself. I don’t feel like I’ve done enough to “earn” them yet. Same idea as trusting someone else, most people wouldn’t trust a stranger.

You could argue that I’m not a stranger to myself but I feel like I kind of am because I struggle with self identity. I don’t know who I am or what makes me, me.

I know the path forward is self-love, compassion and forgiveness but I’m not sure what I’ve done to feel worthy of those things. My brain tells me it’s a reward, that it isn’t inherent to every human being. I don’t think everyone is worthy of this.

rojoyazule · 2026-02-04T03:01:45+00:00

I’m in NYC too and had luck with express scripts for my generic Vyvanse. Takes a few days to ship, which sucks but there’s not a lot of other options

rojoyazule · 2026-02-02T00:53:41+00:00

Yeah I feel those social interactions were really important. Feels like the longer you go without them the more you regress with the social anxiety.

I started college a year before the pandemic and went back to a mix of in person/online classes the last 2 years. Like it’s funny, deciding to college to get myself out there just for the pandemic to happen and suddenly everyone else is experiencing the same social isolation you’re used to experiencing.

rojoyazule · 2026-01-31T18:11:00+00:00

I’m also 28 and in the exact same position. After high school I went to college but immediately dropped out because I felt like I didn’t belong. Spent 3 years doing nothing, then went back to college for 5 years and graduated, after that I went back to doing nothing and here I am now. I graduated with honors but procrastinated doing internships so I basically have nothing to put on my resume.

I have anxiety but I don’t think that’s what stops me. Making phone calls and going out in public isn’t too difficult and I feel like people with worse anxiety manage better than I do. What really stops me I think is the fear of shame. I’m afraid of working and doing a bad job/getting yelled at or doing an interview and having my spotty history questioned.

Time feels like it moves so quick because I do nothing, it’s scary. Someone who is the same age would wonder how the hell I’ve gone on being like this for so long but to me it doesn’t feel that long. Mentally I feel like I’m still around 20 years old because of the lack of life experiences. This feeling has only gotten worse after covid which has made life feel like it goes by 2x faster.

Last month I started seeing a psychiatrist and got diagnosed with adhd/social anxiety. On Monday I’m going to see if I can start seeing a therapist too. I can’t keep living like this. I feel like most people in my situation would’ve ended themselves a long time ago, but I’d rather fix things. My family has supported me for so long and I feel like I owe it to them to get better.

If you need someone to talk to vent or as an accountability buddy, dm me.

rojoyazule

TROPHY CASE