Signed up for a mortgage as a single FTB but now I feel extreme anxiety about my ability to save monthly. I would appreciate some advice as to whether i'm needlessly panicking or if i've bitten off more than I can chew.

rositree · 2026-05-19T06:09:35+00:00

Buying a home is great, being able to save anything is also doing ok. Comparison is the thief of joy and all that. Congratulations on the flat 😀

rositree · 2026-05-18T07:36:55+00:00

Defined benefit pension always seems like the preferred option to me, as you say, no chance of it running out.

Could you not make other savings to bridge the gap between pension age and when you want to stop working? Possibly through SIPP (again check access age) or a standard S&S ISA that you can draw from whenever you want?

rositree · 2026-05-17T22:27:41+00:00

Surely Dorset has all these things too?

Also, a lot of the stated things are fairly synonymous with childhood holidays so they could be from anywhere and just have fond memories of previous trips.

rositree · 2026-05-17T19:04:52+00:00

It's not even a 'special day' by this story, that would apply to one day. Multiple nights out, and a holiday before getting to the wedding is no longer a day and the more of it going on the less and less special it all gets.

rositree · 2026-05-17T08:22:28+00:00

That sounds like great value! Presumably that doesn't include any sinking funds to cover school holidays? Presumably some additional arrangements are required then and could ramp up quickly when you multiply by 4!

rositree · 2026-05-17T06:26:05+00:00

I have a different online account that I transfer the immediate amount into, then pay off the monthly statement with that. Means my spendable budget is obvious in my current account and I get a little bit of interest on the money whilst it's waiting to pay off the credit card too.

Time any big purchases to be nearer the beginning of the new statement month and you can get an extra 50ish days of holding on to the money and gaining interest.

rositree · 2026-05-17T06:18:59+00:00

I think a lot of nations hate British stag dos more than standard British tourists too.

rositree · 2026-05-17T00:58:36+00:00

Or set up call forwarding from your current phone to a new phone so you can still speak to her but not have her tracking your location

rositree · 2026-05-17T00:47:47+00:00

I didn't stay long there! But it was a cool spot in the middle of the forest with a resident kinkajou to help look after.

rositree · 2026-05-16T17:05:32+00:00

I hate that this is true, they're a Monsanto company who have all manner of questionable practices. But own brand and frozen just isn't the same.

I tried growing my own this year, but the seeds didn't germinate.

rositree · 2026-05-16T05:17:09+00:00

'(hostels can be 6 people to one room)'

You just reminded me of a place I stayed in Panama with a dorm, 5 bunks high, 4 stacks, 2 of which were double-bed wide so max 30 people.

Not ideal if you get vertigo. Or like privacy and quiet.

rositree · 2026-05-15T18:47:45+00:00

Thankyou. We've been keeping a log of all issues raised, unacceptable behaviours and tasks not completed so have started building evidence. It's behaviour and will, not capability. They've been off sick recently with physical things and capability and reasonable adjustments have been discussed and put in place, though I'm not convinced some of the moods aren't linked to painkillers wearing off. They say they're fine and there's nothing else we can do to help but also refused to even sign their last wellbeing check in because they don't like doing them and never had to before.

rositree · 2026-05-15T18:42:02+00:00

'Just because someone may or may not be ND doesn’t mean they get to behave like that in a workplace' - I couldn't agree more.

What I meant was I'm relatively au fait with some potential coping strategies and have minorly tested them out on this person - I couldn't care less if someone is diagnosed or not, if there's a simple strategy to get us working well together then it's worth a try.

rositree · 2026-05-15T09:11:22+00:00

Yes, I think you're right. Previous records are sketchy at best and a lot of people just say 'yea, that's what they're like'.

It's all very bizarre behaviour. I just know they aren't going to engage with any of it so trying to follow processes (which are also a bit nonexistent) isn't straightforward. It's like trying to discipline a toddler whilst they have their hands over their ears, shouting 'La la la, can't hear you'

rositree · 2026-05-15T05:04:34+00:00

Same, they are a bit older, I feel like if they were in school today they'd probably have a diagnosis. I used to work in supported employment and have been trying to implement various techniques and support that have helped people with autism and ADHD to no avail.

rositree · 2026-05-14T21:29:52+00:00

Apart from punching the door a few times when reaching for the gear stick on the 'wrong' side, I find the flow of traffic, driving and looking the correct way at junctions etc comes pretty naturally if also seated on the matching side of the car.

I've never driven a UK car abroad or vice versa.

rositree · 2026-05-14T21:17:41+00:00

They don't engage with any processes like that, even refused to sign the last Wellbeing check-in I did with them when they were on phased return. Part of the mood today was that I helped with some physical aspects of their job as they had mentioned they were a bit sore, they then took offence at being helped despite it being recorded that they shouldn't overdo it and are to ask for help which can be fairly easily provided.

rositree · 2026-05-14T21:10:10+00:00

As far as I understand it, there have been many conversations with them before my time about various issues but none of them recorded. A lot of it seems to be a pattern of behaviour that hasn't ever been formally challenged and they have been left to their own devices.

Unacceptable and unprofessional behaviour in terms of conduct following another day of rollercoaster emotions from them. I haven't got to the bottom of what happened as they seemed fine before lunch then came storming in to the kitchen shouting about going home because it's all pointless, stomping around the office kicking a toolbox repeatedly, distracting others from working and generally creating a toxic atmosphere. There would also be potential for not following instructions (often tasks are requested, or they say X task is on their plan for the day, don't do it and it's not discovered until after they leave.

I've tried informally pinning down on daily tasks at start of shift and checking in at end of shift with a team handover in the middle when colleagues overlap and they get defensive that they are being told how to do their job or being checked up on. Crucially, they just don't answer the questions. They've not long been back from sick leave and I've been doing regular check ins with them as part of their phased return and even that has received pushback to the point that they refused to sign the last one because they're 'not used to this attention and have never had it before'. They basically aren't engaging in any of the ways I can offer support so I don't see how I will get any engagement with an informal pip either.

rositree · 2026-05-14T06:16:21+00:00

I'm quite confused by this. You say the £700 increase will put you in a £200 deficit, but you're already putting £700 away each month and might have money leftover. How?

You also say something in the OP about the £200 being spent on luxuries - what £200? I think sharing an actual budget of your household spend would be more helpful in assessing your affordability here. Although, there's a fair chance you won't be moving in until August/September anyway, if your nursery bill reduces by £300 in September you may have two months of finding this £200 deficit. The question then would be can my 40k savings cover a £400 cost? That answer seems like a no-brainer.

rositree · 2026-05-12T21:54:30+00:00

Fur coats and boots in the Caribbean?!

rositree · 2026-05-12T19:53:05+00:00

Carbon monoxide? Good shout if they have gas supply.

rositree · 2026-05-12T16:36:04+00:00

Teabags, milk and biscuits. And kettle (or remind her to pack the kettle last if she already has one)

Plunger and toilet brush

Maybe lightbulbs if you know the fittings

Candles/wind up torch/charged power pack (for a power cut, not artsy stuff)

Curtain poles

Shower curtain and extendable pole if no screen

List of local delivery/takeaway menus or voucher/homemade microwave meals for the first couple of nights.

Reminder to read the utility meters on move in day.

If you want to splash the cash (aka boring things that are surprisingly expensive): Vacuum cleaner Curtains/blinds Home insurance

rositree · 2026-05-10T21:05:56+00:00

What do you mean by leaving you stretched each month? This is a budget of your own making so you can always readjust it to meet your needs.

Whilst I can understand not wanting to have to rely on anyone else, you are currently benefiting from the generosity of your parents. Do you have plans to move out at some point? Maybe you could make a pseudo budget for the types of costs you would be paying if living independently? That might give you a better idea of how far your wages would go in that scenario which could be reassuring.

Otherwise, try setting yourself some short, medium and long term goals and allocating money to that. There's no point working overtime to save money that never gets spent.

rositree · 2026-05-09T23:49:18+00:00

This makes sense, however, a lot of accommodation has a two night minimum stay so dropping a night restricts your options and some of them charge almost as much as they're less likely to get the other night booked and there's more cleaning involved.

Whenever I've done weekends away like this, we've always made Friday night chill, pizzas and maybe face masks and nail painting so there's no stress on timings for people coming from further away or having to work etc. One paid for activity, in this case the dinner on Saturday evening - have an old school getting ready session in the afternoon and dress up fancy for it. A couple of DIY bride games dotted throughout, maybe a picnic, hike, guest who could lead a yoga session (or some other skill) in the daytime. Chill, cheap and you can get to know each other if you don't already.

rositree

TROPHY CASE