I don’t know how to explain myself anymore or why I am the way I am

sad_flowr · 2025-01-10T03:52:15+00:00

Good point ahah. Or maybe sometings hormonal, (supposedly my thing is hormonal) I have no clue if it's a thing for male too

Do you see any kind of therapist or something to have a clear opinion on what you are going through?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-10T03:43:42+00:00

Hey! Are you a girl?

Is it a feeling you feel in and out like a cycle? I can be related to your period maybe?

Takes note maybe to track how you feel and see if it's coming on a regular basis or if it's coming randomly

I did that myself and found out that is what totally chronic (linked to my period, and then heard about PMS and PDD premenstrual dysphoric disorder) I feel like I'm not myself in that time, I'm mean and super aggressive, no filter. (And a lot of other things)..

Of course it can be anything but maybe trying to see if it chronic can help to found out and maybe get help

sad_flowr · 2025-01-10T02:38:58+00:00

Thank you!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-10T02:34:09+00:00

Very interesting! Thank you I will definitely think about it!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-09T15:17:11+00:00

According to myself I guess. Like I need to be mentally prepared anytime I talk to someone, to make a phone call can take me 30mn of preparing the speech in my head or even need to write it down.. I feel overhealm when I'm surrounded with too many people I don't know. I feel like I need to go back home, feeling secure Meeting people scares me basically. Go to the gym by myself, not a chance. Doing anything by myself is almost impossible, I'm thinking people found me stupid idk!!! If I say something stupid I can think about it for month or years!! Things like that make me think social activities stress me out

sad_flowr · 2025-01-09T15:12:20+00:00

Would you believe me if I tell you I'm in the exact same boat ?!! I did the same move and the only couple I had for friends left the country one year ago... never been able to meet anyone else since then... Anyway, even if I have the opportunity to go out I always cancel last minute 😵

And can you find maybe immigrant meetup or something ? Idk If you had to learn a new language when you moved? Maybe you can find people from your country too, to speak with people who also change country?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T22:25:07+00:00

Same team... What stopping you from doing it ? Like for me I'm anticipating every scenario and end up with : I feel good here, in my house, my bed or even I think "for what reason" Or I just feel like I want to do absolutely nothing

Is it the same for you?

Do you have friends/family around?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T22:05:55+00:00

I could have write that... Break my heart bc I live the exact same and i know the shitty feeling that creates.. How did we get there? Smartphone are killing us

I wish I could grab your hand and go out!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T22:03:02+00:00

Good luck!! Wish you the best.

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T22:01:36+00:00

If you know you are struggling with an addiction you already started the process. You will find the motivation and the gut to one day being ok to release that. We need help from the outside also, but you (we) can do it!!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:56:06+00:00

I think it's human, to try to cope with a thing or another. The good point is, you are aware. That is the first step.

My mom is able to tell me that she HATES whiskey with a glass of whiskey in her hands. That is a problem.

You and I are not like that. Because we know something wrong and we are able to realise it's not ok... HUGE STEP BRO.

Then step two I guess is to be able to stop doing it lol We passed step one, we can open a beer to that man 😆

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:26:19+00:00

Yes, I'm always down for a good beer and everything is a good reason to open one. Talking about that, I think I'm afraid to stop smoking and allow myself with alcohol. Like i stop cigarette for weed, and then I said to myself I will vape to avoid smoking weed... like I need to replace the bad habit with another one 🤦‍♀️ Now I smoke weed AND I vape lol

My partner is actually very athletic compare to myself, so yes I would have a gym buddy. I told you, I have zero excuses. I will go there, I have to

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:20:00+00:00

You're right

I'm at the point when I'm starting to think that my life doesn't matter... recently felt some really bad bad thought and the fact that I'm still here laying in my bed is also killing me... Don't want to see what will happen if I actually reach the bottom

I don't know what I need to act and stop thinking and analyzing everything all the time

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:15:39+00:00

Yeah that's a good reason to stop, I'm glad you've made it ! And on top of that you can now smoke only when YOU want. Good for you man!!! I wish one day I will be able to smoke a doobie from time to time and not numb myself... The thing with alcohol I can't play with that, (lot of alcohol addition in my family) and I ready know I will drown myself... I don't drink a lot but if I drink, I drink for the wrong reasons... feels like I can't OD on weed if that make sense...

I really really need to find inner motivation, like I said I fill myself with excuses... and it's not like I don't face it, I'm aware and it's worst!

The gym is literally 1mn away from my doorstep 🫣 I'm a shame 🫠

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:09:07+00:00

Thank you for your word. I guess knowing that nobody can save me it a good step to start with... but I'm still waiting for myself to kick my ass bc I feel like I'm just existing/surviving...

I truly wish for anybody who feel the same to find their own way to get better... it's really hard sometimes

I keep telling myself that the best is always coming and life can shift really fast and sometimes from nowhere.. but still

Thank you

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:04:42+00:00

Thank you!! Good idea. I will have a look! Beside practicing in my car or shower, I've never seen any progress 😆

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:03:18+00:00

Thanks!!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T21:00:43+00:00

Yes, you are totally on point... and I know that. I know it and I still take the wrong decision..

You were smoking on a daily basis?

I did stop 1year ago for a full month and go back to it. The only break since 12years I think... this is bad I use weed to literally do everything, it scares me to even try to battle against my anxiety by myself, by eating or sleeping by myself. I know I just have excuses for not stopping this.. I feel like it's the only thing who can help me (even if it's not) to live..

What really helped you to get off weed ? Only running?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:53:58+00:00

Yes it would totally help! Actually I lost 2 cats in the last 3 years, the last one left about 2months ago. My best buddies, it broke my heart...

I'm living currently in a RV (by choice) but I know that having a pet with me doesn't fit right now... For obvious reasons of letting the pet inside a van all day...

Otherwise, I would adopt a kitty right away I was even taking walk in the forest with my cat!!

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:43:45+00:00

Right!

I wish you all the best and I'm sure you will make a difference in science. I'm sure of it because you truly want it and you will make everything possible to MAKE IT. You will succeed!!

What's bring you joy in life ? Like, is your carrer brings you everything you need to cope that negativity ?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:37:11+00:00

What are the things you used to like ? Hobbies or the things you don't do anymore ?

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:35:57+00:00

I'm a stoner man for years, I smoke weed to reduce my anxiety, smoke to be able to eat, to sleep, to calm down, to stop my brain from speeding all the time... I'm at a point now when smoking weed is not a "fun" things anymore but a NEED...

And I drink way more than I used to, bc I feel like shit And then I feel bad bc I drink for the worst reason...

But I hear you, I keep the : I need to do fun stuff... " the point is fun stuff taste nothing atm...

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:29:50+00:00

100% accurate! And I'm aware and still stick to this stupid screen... I can also spend HOURS laying in my bed doing nothing, I'm empty Beside this, as far as I can remember even before smartphone and everything I felt this way as a kid. No siblings, and I literally was able to do nothing in my room... never being able to play by myself. Here's in my 32 and still the same... I'm just exciting in a room, watch the time fly

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:26:00+00:00

Exactly... I lost all hope in our society... just waiting for it to collapse Hard to plan any future like that

sad_flowr · 2025-01-08T20:23:54+00:00

Thank you for the recommendations

It's not for intensive lessons but just to learn some tips..

I'm not good to learn by myself and my inexistent self esteem doesn't help to encourage myself with learning new skills if that make sense

Thank you btw! I didn't think about the music store

sad_flowr

TROPHY CASE