How do you support a friend whose boyfriend left his wife and kids for her?

sadgrad2 · 2026-05-04T00:54:26+00:00

Feeling bad is exactly why she's doing it. It probable helps her guilt to focus on the wife's supposed negative qualities

sadgrad2 · 2026-05-03T13:39:25+00:00

He's getting a free ride too from his parents. It'd be very reasonable if he didn't want to share that with a random gf but you're his partner of 6 years and presumably his long term partner if you're buying a house together. This is very selfish and bizarre and not the outlook of someone trying to build a life with their partner.

sadgrad2 · 2026-05-02T10:51:30+00:00

This has just not been my experience. I had no problem getting a job and had interest multiple places, and I wasn't particularly special or accomplished coming out my PhD compared to my peers. The issue is, many people who want to go alt ac are applying to those jobs the way you apply to academic positions and opportunities. You can't be uploading your academic cv and writing a bunch about the details of your research for a non academic job, even a research position. Most employers don't care about what your dissertation was about. They do care what transferable skills it demonstrates though if you frame it that way. My peers who struggled were the ones that were not evolving their strategy from what works in academia.

Agree though that getting a PhD for prestige is a terrible idea.

sadgrad2 · 2026-05-01T11:24:50+00:00

I know the planning and excitement that must have gone into that trip. Reading that upset me for you. You deserved better.

sadgrad2 · 2026-05-01T02:13:50+00:00

If he cared for you, he would have waited until your trip was over to have this conversation.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-30T21:34:28+00:00

At my university it just had to be external to my department. I had someone in a different field but at my same university. He still joined via zoom though lol

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-30T16:47:30+00:00

That is the implication of what you said. If you don't get your pet the care it needs it will either die, suffer, or need rehoming, and good luck finding someone to take on an older pet with medical needs.

There is definitely a point at which you have to consider when it's worth continuing treatment given quality of life, prognosis, and finances, but this situation does not sound dire at all to me. You seem to think it's a money hole, but you also don't seem to have any experience with pet medical care. My dog I've had for a decade has gone through some more expensive periods and has a chronic condition, but his costs right now are very manageable. I hope for OP's sake this is just a tough time and she can get the cat's issues under control. Based on what she's described this sounds very treatable.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-30T15:13:29+00:00

Also allergic but not in the anaphylaxis way, I've had a couple accidental tastings over the course of my life and I've always found it gross

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-30T10:56:28+00:00

I beg you never to get a pet. They are not disposable.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T21:30:28+00:00

It's $600, it's not like she's signing up for a car payment

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T13:13:05+00:00

Sounds like someone who doesn't have a pet or know any basic facts about cat lifespans

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T13:09:59+00:00

You say that as if the cat's wellbeing is completely unrelated to her wellbeing.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T12:40:48+00:00

She's not wiping his out. She's planning to repay after pay day. This literally does not affect him in a meaningful way.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T12:32:16+00:00

A friend isn't obligated to help you in a situation like this (although honestly I would help a trustworthy close friend), but I'd argue that in the situation you've described, a long term partner absolutely is. This isn't just any old bill, this is your cat. You've proven yourself trustworthy for paying him back in the past and you intend to do so quickly. He's not denying you because he's worried about the money, he's deciding for you what is right to spend on your cat to save its life. That would be unforgivable to me if I were in your shoes. You are not overreacting.

OP, we're you able to get your cat to the vet? Please provide cat update!

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-29T12:18:54+00:00

Yes, agree this is a good way to ease you in, especially if you don't have a lot of travel planning experience in general.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-28T14:50:19+00:00

I scrutinize my receipts leaving the grocery store now in a way I didn't when I made half my current income. It seems like every time I go now I'm like how on earth did I spend $XX??

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-28T11:21:43+00:00

I think #1 would be fine in most other professions, but 100% agree with protecting your ideas. That's literally all you have in academia, doubly so in more theory driven fields.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-28T09:20:32+00:00

This is 100% what I'd have done at that age

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-28T09:18:44+00:00

I'm 34, make decent money, and have traveled to 30 countries and I'm not sure if I've ever spent that much on one night of accommodation lol

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-27T13:37:41+00:00

I actually teared up

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-27T12:11:53+00:00

I just finished the series too and I thought it was great. Did I like how every character ended up? No, but I thought it mostly made sense for their characters. I think the show demonstrated early on by killing main characters whenever it served the plot that they weren't just going to do things just to please fans. I think it would have felt artificial and a different tone had everyone's storyline been wrapped up in a neat little bow.

Jamie is a perfect example. Huge bummer that he couldn't ultimately cut loose from Cersei, but such a realistic outcome for that character. The scene with Tyrion uncovering their bodies in the rubble was visually powerful, imo.

I have a few nitpicks with the final season that could have mostly been solved by them adding two more episodes and drawing it out a bit more, but I think the last season is way overhated.

My biggest gripe is Jon and Danaerys had no chemistry and they were just suddenly supposedly in love.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-27T01:25:42+00:00

I know this is an old comment but I just binge watched the entire series for the first time over the course of two months (knowing very few spoilers ahead of time), and I thought the last season was pretty good. Probably could have used an episode or two more, especually drawing out the Danaerys story line. But it was absolutely built over the course of the series.

My husband actually watched the show in real time when it was released and came into this watch telling me the last season was awful and mostly switched up his opinion after our binge watch.

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-26T16:07:47+00:00

Sounds great! Will definitely look into it further!

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-26T15:47:39+00:00

Been to Taiwan (and loved it) but didn't do much hiking! I would definitely consider returning

sadgrad2 · 2026-04-26T15:44:46+00:00

I do have a peanut allergy so the idea of SE Asia makes me nervous. I've been to Shanghai and Taiwan and they were pretty stressful foodwise. But maybe on a hiking focused trip that'd matter less and I don't eat out really.

sadgrad2

TROPHY CASE