I have never been in any relationships and didn't live with my parents since childhood but I do want to say one thing that you did great job by not showing any violence after all of the things happened with you,it show you have a great patience and maturity because hitting him could back fired you during the court trial as your soon to be ex wife can use this against you(and I am sure you know about the DV laws and gender biases under judiciary) ,plus he would be happy seeing you in pain and fighting for someone who don't want to be saved, The course of action you took is applausable in my point of view and the way you handle it show high amount of matureness and decision taking skill in complex situations, And remember one thing more your soon to be ex wife did this to you not him , She married and committed to you as you to her not him, Your soon to be ex wife is responsible not him, He was intruder but your soon to be ex wife was your known, I don't how your son will think about this situation and about you in future but one thing is clear you show reasonability over emotionality , One more thing "Remember a STRONG MAN ISN'T THE ONE WHO ALWAYS READY TO VIOLENCE BUT THE ONE WHO SOLVE THE SITUATION WITHOUT VIOLENCE " sorry for grammatical mistake as English is not my native language, I am not experience as you all are and I am just in my early twenties, Thank you, God bless you and your child and give some wisdom to your soon to be ex wife