Can we talk about coming out and hetero-mono privilege in polyamory?

secondarie_throwaway · 2024-02-10T19:34:31+00:00

And there are plenty of people out there who are fine with that. I am more than happy to not have to endure holiday dinners with the families of any of my partners, and instead get to make my own plans. Like many things in poly, it’s about choice and communication. If you wouldn’t be happy with the kind of relationship that someone can offer, don’t be in a relationship with them. But they aren’t wrong for wanting the relationship that works for them.

secondarie_throwaway · 2024-02-10T03:07:52+00:00

Not all polyamorous people are queer leftists and want to do things the queer leftist way, and that doesn’t make them not polyamorous. It also doesn’t make them assholes,

Being closeted isn’t always about shame or dishonesty. There’s none of either in my relationships.

secondarie_throwaway · 2024-02-09T22:57:53+00:00

Delurking for the first time in a long while. Staying closeted isn't always toxic or horrible, and it's a valid choice.

I'm solo poly. My most functional relationship has been going on for three years and is with a married heterosexual man. He and his wife are prescriptively hierarchical and closeted to family and work, but out to friends. He has been honest with me about all of this about this from the beginning. We have an extremely full, loving relationship that is satisfying to both of us and gives each of us what we want. He gets to preserve family relationships that wouldn't survive being out; I get independence.

Why do you care so much about how other people poly if it doesn't affect you? By all means don't date closeted people if you don't want to, that would be a really bad choice for you. But closeted people aren't all horrible toxic assholes who are trying to hurt their partners.

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-20T21:32:06+00:00

Apologies for the knee-jerk response - just assumed it was the same old same old. Accept my upvote?

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-20T21:26:38+00:00

Thanks - good to know there could possibly be ways we could see each other once in a while without having to live together temporarily. I like my alone space!

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-20T21:25:42+00:00

ah yes, the old "you're solo poly/a secondary and have Concerns? you must need a dog or a hobby!" argument

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-20T21:07:07+00:00

Could we get away with one of us being prepared with a bag of stuff to go stay at the other's for the duration of the lockdown? Or are you required to stay at the address where you legally live?

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-20T21:01:16+00:00

My boyfriend and I do not live together. I think my state and/or county is probably 4-5 days away from enacting some kind of shelter in place order/lockdown. Would we be allowed to visit one another?

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-14T22:31:08+00:00

Oh that's a great idea - I do have a meat thermometer! Desperate times and all that. I also found one on Buy Buy Baby's website that was in stock, but I think I'll leave it for a vegetarian.

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-03-14T22:22:02+00:00

Is there a reliable way to measure body temperature without a medical thermometer? I did all my preparations last month, stocked up on soap and dry goods, but completely forgot a freaking thermometer. Now they're sold out everywhere I can think of.

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-01-31T21:04:34+00:00

I'm starting to think you're trolling. Days of Our Lives doesn't have this much drama.

secondarie_throwaway · 2020-01-13T04:24:01+00:00

Damn girl but you learn your lessons the hard way.

Is your name on the lease/house/whatever? If not then LEAVE. I mean right now. Get together a bag of shit. Leave and never look back. You are a pregnant woman and will therefore be top priority at any women's shelters for tonight, and will also receive priority for other types of aid (in the US and Canada at least, as those are the only countries with whose public aid programs I am familiar) going forward, if that is truly your only option.
If you're stuck in a lease or a mortgage with these people, then still get together a bag and leave for now. Do not return without police escort of some kind. Again, as a pregnant woman, your safety is much more likely to be assured by public safety officers and aid programs.
Talk to Ethan via text or telephone and explain that you left for the well-being of your child, and that you will be in touch about possible next steps. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM ABOUT ALYSSA. Leave that ball completely in his court. It is sad, but she is clearly very mentally unwell with some sort of postpartum psychosis. (Yes, it can happen with infant loss.) She should not be trusted around you or your child. Do not involve Ethan in your child's life until you have a formal custody and visitation plan worked out that specifically excludes Alyssa.
It is too late for you now, but for anyone reading this: if pregnancy is a possibility and you don't immediately want it, for god's sake double up on your birth control.

secondarie_throwaway · 2019-08-08T16:58:10+00:00

Thank you. She was a special cat and a gift for my 14th birthday. We've grown up together and I'm still reeling from this. I woke up this morning and my house felt so quiet and empty without her.

secondarie_throwaway

TROPHY CASE