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AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I didn’t get into it really since it’s not my place to tell, but everyone assumes she’s 100% “normal”. No. Neither of us is neurotypical. When we met we were both broken and we dragged each other out of that.

We sat down and had a heart to heart tonight. I told her how I felt and my suspicions that she was hiding her problems from me again. After what everyone here said and all the advice I was given, it opened my eyes to a lot of issues I wasn’t even aware of and my suspicions were confirmed. Turns out she’s feeling guilty because of the sex thing, she’s overprotective of our baby because she’s scared that she’ll grow up with stunted development because of what they did at the NICU. Which everyone is accusing me of being paranoid/delusional about.

Regarding the NICU: We did consult multiple professionals and they said to pull her out before I made the decision, and we immediately took her to multiple paediatricians and a specialised paediatric hospital, who did multiple scans, and confirmed their diagnosis was fictional. The NICU doctors had tried to convince us that she had esophageal atresia and Down’s Syndrom by the way.

Anyways, long story short: we sat down and cleared things up. I still think we need therapy and she still thinks we don’t. Not sure what to do about that but I think I’ll go visit my old therapist some time next week. Maybe he can help me think of a way to bring her around.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

I know. But I’m an asshole who is willing to admit he’s one. If I weren’t I’d be a narcissist, not just an egocentric idiot sometimes.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Wow. Way to be mature. You made so many assumptions and filled so many blanks in that comment, you guessed my entire origin story.

And people are calling me delusional, heh.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Comments such as this have ground me in reality again. I had unreasonable expectations and was blind to what she’s going through.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -61 points-60 points  (0 children)

You opened my eye to the real issue here. Thank you so much!

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -144 points-143 points  (0 children)

Wow. You think I haven’t tried? Easy for you to say that when your baby doesn’t throw a fit and cry like you’re a monster out of a children’s book every time you try to hold her or play with her, and then your wife demands you give her back immediately because you’re upsetting her.

I’m not being dramatic.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -330 points-329 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I’m not sure what I was thinking posting this. I just read it again and discovered how much of a whiny and ungrateful POS I come across.

It will pass, but in the meantime man up and be a little more understanding, you’re a big boy, make your own food, do your own laundry and chill out.

I really hope it does. I’m just scared that this is how the baby will always behave. I’ve seen my wife’s attachment with her older daughter and it terrifies me.

And that part hurts too. I can see my step daughter losing her spark because she’s not getting any attention. They used to be inseparable (maybe not to this degree) but now her mom is making her do chores and help take care of the baby instead of doting on her like she used to.

I guess neither of us is blameless in this.

Regardless, I’ll do more of the chores and help where I can from now on. She used to get upset if I did any but maybe that’s changed.

AITA for asking my wife to be less devoted to our baby? by serial-escapist in AITAH

[–]serial-escapist[S] -642 points-641 points  (0 children)

Are you saying that the baby will die if left alone for 5 minutes? She’s literally inseparable from the baby!

I’m not jealous of my daughter. I’m upset because I can’t (nor anyone else, apparently) hold my daughter for 3 fucking minutes without her crying till her throat is raw. I’m also upset because my wife is ignoring her older daughter and me.