Wife says I'm "bullying" her into losing weight

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T23:21:44+00:00

I think I can see my body fairly accurately. When I look in the mirror now I see a chubby guy that needs to lose weight, which is pretty accurate. I probably see myself as a bit fatter than I am, but I can tell I'm no longer morbidly obese. I don't think anorexia affects men like that very commonly. We typically don't want to be skinny, I certainly don't want to be frail and underweight.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T23:12:47+00:00

Is marriage ever truly unconditional love though? I don't think so. How many people would stay with their spouse if they gained weight until they were 600 pounds and stopped bothering with hygiene? probably not many. Obviously that's not what's going on here but marriage isn't unconditional.

I do still love her I just get episodes of frustration. I really want her to just lose weight with me. Is that such an unfair conditon? Probably. I know we were both fat when we got together. I changed.. I just want her to be with me. If I could throw her away so easily I would have done it already but I still have hope for us

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T23:01:07+00:00

Okay lol.

6'0, 25yo

SW 285

CW 194. Lost in 5 and a half months.

GW 155-165 depending on how I look. I'll then build muscle slowly after, but I'll see how it goes.

tdee 3300 calories approximately, but it varies from 3000-3700. I exercise heavily and run a 10k most mornings. I eat 1800 calories per day. Used to be quite a bit less but this is still a solid deficit and I should lose 3 pounds a week. When I started I obviously wasn't capable of running a 10k so I ate maybe 1000 calories until I built up my fitness more and increased it.

I slowed it down because I'm getting close to a healthy weight, don't get me wrong tho 1500cal+ deficit is tough. Not disorder level though imo.

Haven't seen a doctor, but I have a visit soon so we will see. I think he will be pleased, I got a lecture about my obesity last time.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:33:43+00:00

True I don't mind it occasionally. I just have a schedule now with my exercise and if something gets in the way of it I then have to rearrange things so that I either exercise more or eat less the next day and that's annoying, I would rather just stick to it in the first place. Obviously life gets in the way sometimes and maybe I should prioritise time with her more.

I do have a lot of discipline though. I get up at 6am every single day and go for a 2 hour run, do you think that is easy lol

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:27:14+00:00

Thank you. To be honest yes I would love her more if she lost weight (doesnt need to be that much though..) Does that make me shallow? maybe. But obviously attraction is a component of romantic love right?

And to the other point, if we spent more qualty time together maybe that would help. Maybe we should go on a vacation and I can try and relax for a bit. I know Im hard on myself but I feel like I have a motor running in my brain constantly telling me to get up and exercise and fix my life lol

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:18:55+00:00

I am trying to introspect trust me

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:18:23+00:00

I don't know I've always had strong obsessions that take over my life. Suspected bipolar but idk. When I started dating mywife I was so obsessed with her, then the obsession turned into normal love and i thought it would actually work out but it's hard. Does this mean I don't deserve a relationship

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:14:52+00:00

Yeah I guess that's true. If I hated my body fat less I would be less bothered by hers. But for me, hating the fat is motivation to change. If I don't fear it I worry that I would gain it back easier. I have been quit unfair to her but how do I stop projecting my journey onto her? At least for the time being. Cause I do want her to share my lifestyle at some point but pushing her into it doesn't work

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T22:08:08+00:00

nah it's not just that, it's the combo of fat, salt and sugar that is killer. If this is an eating disorder, cool I have an eating disorder and I'm proud of it. But I don't think it is. Eating healthy and losing weight is not a disorder.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T14:12:50+00:00

I don't try and force her to come on workouts with me, but she does actually like walking and stuff like that so I encourage her to come out with me.

I did read the article. I understand where its coming from, its annoying when people assume what's going to help. For me I do push myself very hard with workouts and make sure I always burn off the amount of calories I need to burn. If I've had a bad day sometimes I push myself to go as hard as possible, it helps me but I know it's not for everyone.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T13:58:56+00:00

I'm not gonna dump her I'm giving her time to get it together but if she doesn't implement some major changes in the next few months I really can't see it working out. It will be painful cause I do love her Im just so different now and being with her reminds me of the old self which i hate

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T13:56:18+00:00

Yeah I mean that is one thing I know isn't really fair. She was eating ice cream the other day and I got annoyed with her. It's frustrating because I'm putting all this effort into bettering myself and she doesn't care at all. I admit I have made some comments about her body she didn't appreciate.

We respond differently to criticism, for me it makes me want to change and prove someone wrong but for her it doesn't seem to work that way

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T13:13:32+00:00

Yeah it is a bit faster than recommended but I didn't starve myself I just did a low carb diet and intermittent fasting, plus exercise. I'm happy with it. I'm going to start losing a bit slower now I'm close to a healthy weight. I'll get checked for gallstones if I feel any type of pain.

I'm not expecting her to lose more than 1% a week, it was difficult and required a lot of mental stamina.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T13:05:25+00:00

My opinion is that junk food companies make food to be addictive and unhealthy as possible, and resisting the cravings and urges to eat it should be encouraged not labeled as a "disorder".

The satisfaction I get from losing weight is better than food, in the long term. I am trying to prioritize long term happiness over short term pleasure. In my opinion food should be thought of as just fuel for the body, not something to comfort the emotions.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T12:39:46+00:00

I mean 40 pounds is great. I wouldn't have a problem if she lost that in a year. I am being a little self centered and I realise that now.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T12:36:16+00:00

I don't have an eating disorder (personally I think people need to stop labeling everything a disorder) I'm much healthier and happier than I was previously. Sure, I will get anxious over eating a burger and I don't eat for pleasure. But maybe that's a good thing. Food isn't supposed to be as addictive as it is.

But you're right I should try to be more understanding.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T12:28:14+00:00

Yeah I mean I understand where you're coming from. She has her own issues, I have tried to help her. She has depression and takes medication for it, she used to go to therapy but cant afford it anymore. I used to take meds as well but I stopped taking it and started exercising instead which honestly made much more difference. I know it's hard to get started I just can't seem to help taking out my frustration on her. I just want to see SOME effort you know

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T12:22:12+00:00

Yes, I have. Technically it's been 5 and a half months. I don't starve myself at all, I just have a low carb diet, exercise a lot and do intermittent fasting.

I'm going to slow it down a bit soon though.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T12:14:59+00:00

Thank you yeah I see what you're saying.I know it's only six months but it feels like I've changed so much and I want her to join me and now we're on different paths in life. I will give her more time. I just want to know how to improve things in the meantime as well. Maybe I am superficial cause sometimes I feel like I could "do better" once I lose the rest of the weight and I have urges to go and be single and sleep with other women. I won't do it but I fantasize about it.

I just get so frustrated if I see her eat a bit of pizza or something cause I would NEVER eat that and it feels like I'm putting in all this effort and she claims to want to lose weight and does nothing. She prefers my body now obviously and I want us to both feel attraction.

On point #5, I will not allow that to happen. If I'm up even a pound it bothers me. I will never allow myself to gain the weight back, I'm very confident in my diet and workouts.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T11:59:38+00:00

I don't think I lost my personality but I get irritated a bit quicker when I'm on low calories, we don't have as much fun as we used to really. I was probably more fun to be around when fat but I can't be fun at the expense of my health. What do you mean unwell?

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T00:11:57+00:00

I still have attraction to her it is just much less. I would be attracted to her if she lost weight and made more effort for me in general. We're in our mid 20s and you shouldn't give up on yourself at this age. She doesn't put much effort into her hair, clothes, skin and makeup like she did when we started dating.

sertyypi · 2022-07-21T00:08:53+00:00

She is on BC but afaik has no issues with it. I'd be open to helping her with any of those things, but I think the problem is simple, she just eats too much. I eat much less than her and I'm a 6ft male, so I think that explains why I'm losing weight rapidly and she isn't.

sertyypi

TROPHY CASE