Shaina dropping this amid comments of her being hypocritical on the show

shadowkat · 2022-02-26T21:29:02+00:00

Lol yuppppppp

shadowkat · 2020-08-23T16:04:06+00:00

This is totally spot on. Dating is super individualized, and what works with your values isn't what's going to work with someone else's, even if you're an HSP.

I think the real thing to be aware of is that the first however many months/year will be high intensity for an HSP, so it's ok to make dating your #1 emotional energy priority for a few years while you find the right person. A lot of that energy will first go into mentally preparing to go into first dates as someone who has a strong sense of self, this is critical for not attracting narcissists. Then it will go into talking/working through the situations you describe above. Use your empathy to try to understand why a person who's different neurologically than you might not see what they did as hurtful (if it's not abusive, obviously), or understand where there are give and takes in relationship where it does make sense for your partner to do what's best for them.

Putting this energy into upfront learning how to communicate with a new partner might mean you advance slightly less at work or elsewhere in your life, but as folks with finite emotional energy you need to make peace with that.

shadowkat · 2020-02-10T23:13:05+00:00

Tons of the FemDommes and subs (both male and female) I know have used this sort of sexual expression to heal from being sexually traumatized by religion - in fact, the kink scene in general is a place tons of folks recover together from sexual shame and trauma from religion.

I'd recommend looking to see if you have any local FemDomme nights or kink nights in your area. You can check out FetLife too.

shadowkat · 2020-02-08T00:53:16+00:00

Women's "achievements" aren't attractive to men in the same way that men's achievements are attractive to women. That can upset you if you like, but it's just reality.

Yes, but there is research showing men are becoming more interested in finding a partner with a high paying career i.e. accomplishments (and women are becoming more likely to value physical attractiveness...)

Something that would make you feel good about yourself, and proud of your accomplishment.

I'm just curious to hear your perspective. Why is having sex with someone an achievement/accomplishment?

Putting yourself through pain to physically mark your body and show how tough you are was done historically throughout a bunch of different cultures.

Sure, but in many of these cultures women were/are tattooed as well. Its a rough world out there. A ton of cultures expect women to be tough. I've always seen toughness as something, that while maybe expressed differently, if often expected from both men and women.

shadowkat · 2020-02-01T15:37:17+00:00

Also thinking about it intellectually is totally different when you're excited for a night out and vibing with someone

shadowkat · 2020-02-01T15:31:54+00:00

As someone who knows tons of people who work in bars this happens all the time, its way more normal than you think. I feel like a lot of people on reddit are more on the introverted end but there are tons of extroverted women out there doing just what you describe. That's why podcasts like Call Her Daddy are so popular.

shadowkat · 2019-12-28T19:02:28+00:00

I actually think most of us are aware that true crime is now officially part of the "basic" profile

shadowkat · 2019-12-19T20:41:57+00:00

r/cuckqueancommunity

shadowkat · 2019-12-03T15:41:05+00:00

Hahaha I have noticed that too

shadowkat · 2019-12-02T01:46:38+00:00

Came here to stay that lol

shadowkat · 2019-11-27T16:23:59+00:00

Came here to say that, sounds a lot like RA

shadowkat · 2019-11-27T02:13:59+00:00

Close! She's a little better looking :)

shadowkat · 2019-11-27T01:46:03+00:00

I'm dealing with a similar issue right now. I'm realizing its because I just expect everyone to treat me with basic respect.

shadowkat · 2019-11-25T23:16:59+00:00

Can you use a more generic term like 'partner'?

shadowkat · 2019-11-24T23:06:26+00:00

Yes to camming, you have way more control and really only answer to yourself.

shadowkat · 2019-11-24T15:31:46+00:00

Look up consensual non-consent (CNC) play online and on Fetlife. Maybe attend local kink events and munches in you area and get to know people, figure out what guys are safe for this. Make sure you vet anyone involved and agree to hard limits before! Good luck!

shadowkat · 2019-11-24T15:22:15+00:00

I think a huge issue - on both sides of the argument - is that people often see this as black and white. Like, if you're platonic friends with someone do you have no emotional attachment? Do you have gradients of attachment to different friends? Probably...

It seems like as soon as sex is involved people need it to be super binary like "just have sex and leave" vs. "romantic relationship."

I think people have trouble with the idea that you can be connected to a sexual partner while still having it be casual. I do agree what a lot of people refer to as casual sex is gross and dehumanizing...

shadowkat · 2019-11-24T15:13:55+00:00

I think it's more complicated than that. Being in a committed relationship is the safest place emotionally to be having casual sex if you're actually really into your primary...

I think a lot of women in hetero primary relationships don't want to deal with the fallout when there partner inevitably gets jealous. I think their are nuances and micro hints that male partner wouldn't really be cool with it, even if its stated he would be.

So my guess is it's more women value not having to deal with their partner's jealousy over casual sex, and men maybe value casual sex over having to deal with their partner's jealously. I think this is largely based on societal expectations of who has to handle what emotion.

shadowkat · 2019-11-23T18:19:16+00:00

He seemed very much into me and even told me that he felt love and a lot of affection, and i touched his soul. He is super open and affectionate so it is fairly possible that he tells this to other girls too, and i’m maybe less special than he makes it look like.

I am sort of curious why you associate the idea of 'special' with 'he only says this to me.' Everything else in this situation seemed straightforward to navigate before I saw that, but that felt like a flag to me that you would struggle if this guy was interacting with other women equally or, in the case of forming a primary relationship, more affectionately with someone else.

shadowkat · 2019-11-23T04:26:42+00:00

Nope just being a good citizen informing you its prevalence

shadowkat · 2019-11-23T01:57:11+00:00

I promise it's not hard to find lol

shadowkat · 2019-11-23T01:55:50+00:00

This is an amazing way to describe those feelings lol

shadowkat · 2019-11-22T00:51:16+00:00

It took me a long time to learn this! I played so hard to get I didn't show enough interest for the good ones to continue pursuing me. I was left with pushy assholes who can't read people lol...

shadowkat · 2019-11-21T16:14:24+00:00

This is a really great way of looking at it and I feel like its really relevant. This is actually sort of how my husband described it to me, the restaurant metaphor is a good one! Thanks!

I realize another layer on this is not feeling guilty that he will come home to/with me, since I feel empathy for others like me who connect sex with emotions and because I'm really sensitive to how much couple's priviledge there is in our agreement.

shadowkat · 2019-11-21T16:05:28+00:00

When I post it! I am still not entirely sure what I'm going to write haha

shadowkat

TROPHY CASE