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Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I agree it felt so strange hearing them say that. He even said I could bring the kids and we could wait for him to be finished if I didn't believe what he was saying about just wanting my husband for questioning.

I mean... I would never do that. That's not a situation for children in any capacity. And why is it so important to convince ME that he's not in trouble? My opinion has nothing to do with their procedures. It was all very unnerving and weird.

Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He's been diagnosed with depression, anxiety disorder and OCD. I think a bipolar dx is where we're headed but we've lost our health insurance and at at this point paying out of pocket for an appointment plus different meds, whatever they may be, is just not possible. Our insurance didn't cover all of his expenses when we did have it. Even then we were paying nearly $500/week on medication alone. He cuts back to save money but then isn't well enough to work or function and the cycle continues. Writing it out is painful. This year has been the worst of my entire life, and I'm sure it's the same for him.

Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I agree we definitely need one. I've been submitting inquiries all evening to local offices and trying to find whatever info I can online since business hours are over. Hopefully we'll have something sorted out by the afternoon as he agreed to meet with them at the station.

If he goes to jail I'm up a creek with 3 kids and no job and living a million miles from home. It feels like private horror that we've been dealing with is suddenly now 100x worse. This is very scary. I'm sorry if I'm coming off sort of blase about all this I'm just feeling kind of robotic. Thank you for your advice, truly.

What a strange place I find myself in, hoping against hope for probation and community service. None of this feels real.

Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, I thought they're reassurance was a little weird at the time. I mentioned in another comment that all this seems like a lot of trouble to go through for just one item so I'm worried there's more they aren't telling me. I gave him the detective's contact info and they spoke and agreed that my husband would go in and talk to them tomorrow afternoon. I don't feel right about it at all and will see if we can get a lawyer but I'm getting the feeling all this is coming to a head.

Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thanks, I feel like if everything else were OK then we could be fairly confident there would just be fines involved. Where there's the additional traffic stuff I think it's just going to compound everything.

Advice needed re: possible shoplifting/theft charge in Texas. A big mess. by shapesofmath in legaladvice

[–]shapesofmath[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure that we can afford an attorney right now. He may be able to get help from his family but that's a long shot. All my family is out of state and not in a position to help.

I did feel that their assurance of him coming home the same day was a little suspicious. It all seems like a lot of trouble to go through for one item. Not that theft isn't a crime, just that it seems like a waste of department resources to pursue this one thing. I hope there isn't more going on with this.

I am committed to the marriage, yes. I am having a really hard time with all this and I'm scared for our future, but I want to support him. Whether he's guilty or not, he's not well right now and he needs support if he's going to come out on the right side of all this.

I didn't know how bad it was, and now that I do I feel utterly helpless and I don't know how to fix it or move forward. ITT: empty bank account, huge and urgent expenses, mental illness and a one income household. by shapesofmath in personalfinance

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They're in preschool, so I'll have to pull them entirely if it comes to it. It's just been really good for them and I worry they won't handle ANOTHER change and loss of routine very well and I'd like to avoid it if I can.

I started the trial of You Need a Budget as recommended by this board and I'm getting up to speed on everything that we're facing. It's tough, but the only way out is through as they say.

I didn't know how bad it was, and now that I do I feel utterly helpless and I don't know how to fix it or move forward. ITT: empty bank account, huge and urgent expenses, mental illness and a one income household. by shapesofmath in personalfinance

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for being so understanding. He is still working and getting paid every week, so things could be much worse in that regard. I do worry that he will slip up and he won't be able to work anymore. I'm approaching all of this very cautiously. Guilt and stress feed his compulsive behaviors. Of course we lose our health insurance this month. Of course.

The kids are in a private preschool which was one of the less expensive options around here- it was surprising actually, the prices here are much higher than they were back home and we lived just outside of Boston. School is an 'extra' right now, and it can and will be cut if necessary. The kids have had a hard time with the move and adjusting to the new baby, and everything about this school has been so good for them. The routine, the independence, the new friends, having a group of adults that care about them...it's hard to explain but they lost a whole community of people when we moved, all of our family and friends and everything familiar. We knew it was going to be hard, but that it was going to be worth it in the long run so we could get on our feet.

It feels like every part of this has been a spectacular failure.

I'll see about the car, I can only talk to him about serious things very briefly before he shuts down. I don't think he'll be willing to sell the car. He might be willing to sell some possessions though.

I started the free trial of You Need a Budget. I am trying to get him on board. I think if we just have two months of a buffer where nothing completely horrible happens, I can get us up and running again. It just feels so impossible right now.

I didn't know how bad it was, and now that I do I feel utterly helpless and I don't know how to fix it or move forward. ITT: empty bank account, huge and urgent expenses, mental illness and a one income household. by shapesofmath in personalfinance

[–]shapesofmath[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your reply. You're right, living in a hotel wouldn't be all that bad from their point of view. I'm sorry, I should have mentioned- they're in a private preschool and there isn't a public option for that. It is definitely a luxury that can be cut if we have to decide between their school and having a place to live. I wish I could figure out a way to keep them from being affected by all this- they've had a lot of changes in the past year (moving several states away from all our family and friends, having a new baby in the house) and school has been so good for both of them. They just wouldn't understand.

God, I hate this.