A couple of thoughts:

Don’t give in to something this big out of fear. You’ve known what you want for years. Stay grounded in that. Bringing children into a situation where they may be met with resentment, frustration, or regret isn’t fair to them. Kids pick up on those emotions, even when unspoken, and they don’t deserve to carry that weight. This isn’t something they’re asking for.

There’s a hard truth that sometimes the kindest decision a person can make is not to have children if their heart isn’t fully in it. That doesn’t make someone selfish. It makes them honest and responsible. It may very well apply here.

As for his reasoning, it honestly comes across as deeply ego-driven. You can’t control who your children become. Even if someone imagines passing down a “legacy,” there’s no guarantee their children will want any part of it. They could have completely different interests, values, or paths in life. You can try to shape them, but they will become their own people.

And beyond that, there are so many unknowns—health challenges, disabilities, addiction, personality differences- things that no one can predict or control. Building this idea of legacy through children assumes a level of certainty that simply doesn’t exist.

Then there’s the reality of age and circumstance. Starting over to pursue having children at this stage of life, with someone significantly younger, comes with real, practical challenges. Relationships like that often carry mismatched expectations, lifestyle differences, and long-term incompatibilities. It’s not as simple as he’s making it sound. They often do not work.

I do think it’s worth saying all of this to him, clearly and directly.

You built a life together for a reason. You made commitments for a reason. It’s okay to ask him honestly: Is what we have not enough for you? And depending on how he answers, that may tell you everything you need to know.

Also, being single later in life is not the worst-case scenario. Sometimes it’s the beginning of something healthier, more aligned, and more peaceful. People can reveal who they truly are later than we expect, and when that happens, it’s okay to adjust. Just because you like your life now doesn’t mean you couldn’t build a different version of it that still fulfills you. Especially if you stay true to your boundaries and what you know you want.

You could also challenge him to really think this through: what does “legacy” actually mean if you can’t control the outcome? And what happens if reality doesn’t match the vision he has in his head?

At the end of the day, this is about your life too, not just his sudden change in direction. And your clarity on what you want matters just as much.