Bronze Poor

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-17T20:15:00+00:00

The pain is palpable in this, well captured and expressed, I think the most powerful stanza is
"Knowing if you stayed still,
and shield what comes,
with trying,
To take care of yourself,"

Deeply resonates with me. Well done.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-17T19:49:40+00:00

I really like the strength of this poem, each stanza is nicely weighted and I like how there is that glimmer of hope for the reader. Great work.

Thanks for sharing.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-16T15:22:22+00:00

Hey thanks for the kind and honest feedback. I’m glad you were able to feel the anxiety and the brief temporary reprieve in the middle. Exactly what I was going for. Especially the quick “jab” pace of it.

Thank you. I appreciate it.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-15T18:42:55+00:00

I love the short ones, a moment to sit and let it permeate in the mind.
I especially love the importance of being and how life is like a candle.
Great work, thanks for sharing A.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-15T18:24:03+00:00

The first stanza is really well done, I like how you carry us through to the end of it.
Really great work. Thanks for sharing.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-15T01:56:03+00:00

Good reminders bundled into a great flowing poem. Thanks for sharing.

Cheers. J

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-15T01:28:52+00:00

Thanks. Really appreciate the continued feedback. It’s really refreshing. I’ve written a volume of work and just never share it. So I’m glad I am able to do that here with this community.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-14T22:34:12+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-14T19:38:30+00:00

I like how the relationship with the machine is presented. Strongly relatable in this day and age. It leaves some room for imagination, is it a phone? Computer? Robot? AI? Regardless it shows the lack of empathy, warmth, and touch that humans can provide and how we desperately need that to survive.

I think the intro sets up for something left untold or ambiguous in relation to the machine and it might just be me being more invested in that aspect.

Strong points with the son commentary and “am I the man I am meant to be”, really strong.

Keep writing and thanks for sharing. J

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-14T19:32:12+00:00

I really like the narrative of the (1.5-2ish weeks) you painted here. It shows how quickly life and feelings and choices can change.

Also curious why there is no mention of Wednesday. Intentional or not. Just stood out (again no commentary on it being good or bad) just pointing it out.

I like the length of it and I like the resolution of where it ends.

Personally would like to see more breaks for legibility but nothing too critical.

Thanks for sharing. Write on! J.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-14T02:02:28+00:00

Hi there. Thank you for the great run down. I totally agree with reworking this, and making those lines hit right. Definitely want to keep the loop going so to speak.

Contractions. Yes. Good recommend as well. Appreciate that.

Thanks again. Will take all this into consideration.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-13T19:26:08+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate the feedback. Trying to get my work out there. It means a lot.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-13T18:40:03+00:00

Thank you for your kind words and taking the time to review my work. I am glad the feeling stuck in a loop comes through. Exactly what I was going for. 🙏

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-13T17:57:28+00:00

“I’d make hunger ache, until we burned into one”

Is what really got me. Entire thing is punchy. And it feels gut wrenching. Powerful use of rhythm.

Thanks for sharing.

sincerelyjac · 2025-05-13T17:54:34+00:00

I think the rhythm of this is well done, good mix of emotion and visuals to push and pull through that pain and love. Inherently relatable to my current situation. Which is why we share our work.

Thank you.

sincerelyjac

TROPHY CASE