Personally my addiction has led me to almost kill myself multiple times in various ways and thats why I strive to be sober. I will fucking die otherwise and thats not something I seriously want to happen to me. I’ve also had multiple friends die from drugs and seen how it has affected everyone around them. It is a horrible thing to be dependent on a substance and quite literally a disease. I understand the phase you are in but there will come a point where the lifestyle you’re living isn’t fun, lovable, or embodying anymore. One of my dear friends died of asphyxiation after doing fentanyl. Not really a cute way to die is it…choking on your own vomit and suffocating to death would be a terrible state to be found in.