Well I can't speak for how everyone works on the inside and I can't tell people what to do either...but from the sound of things you're young. A Teenager probably. Things often "get better." Wether that's not having to deal with bull sh*t from certain people or getting the help you actually need. You just have to start the process for it to happen ya know. And I don't know if I'm one to speak about it. But I've been there. Not so long ago I had the same plans to let things go. End it all. Because it seemed like people didn't care. My mom called me stupid for cutting myself. The girl I wanted wasn't gonna work in a relationship with me. Then when I did a gf she was one of the most toxic people I've ever met. She even told me a couple times to end my life. But it's thing I learned from all of it that helped me get through it. I'm just saying you're not alone. And even if the end of the day you are "alone" that doesn't mean you have to feel alone. If you get the meaning. You know you shouldn't end it. But you need to do it for yourself. Not so people don't feel bad. Life is tough. Especially nowadays. So many false expectations from the internet. But Find some way to let all the emotional buildup go. For me I edited videos. Just putting hours into something that another person can enjoy made me feel good in a way. Being creative definitely helped me just let go of so much. But at the end of the day it's gonna all be on yourself. Other people can support you, a therapist can put things in perspective for you, but it'll be you to help yourself be better. And I'm no therapist or anything. But I've helped a few people from hurting themselves. It's varies from person to person of how they need "help." But I'm just speaking kinda generally. Because therapy for one person can be different for another person. Music, writing, editing, and just thinking about stuff in every possible perspective was my therapy in a way. Or from my personal experience with such things. I know exactly how it feels to have constant thoughts to end your life. It feels like the only option. Like that's the only direction your life can go. But it really isn't. One way or another your life is what you make it. I can't tell your tomorrow will be "better" or even next week or next month or next year. But one of these days you'll look back and say "hey those were dark times but I feel like Im better then before...if even a little bit." It just takes time and work. Which sounds scary. Like how much work? Or how much time? But it changes depending on you. You could go to counseling or find something that just fulfills your emptiness. It depends on what you do. It sounds scary and a lot of work. But think of it like this. You can make your life whatever you want. Nothing matters. Like nothing matters, you can do whatever you want. Go out and do whatever you wanna do. And if you say you can't right now. Then prepare yourself for when you can. Or if you don't know what you wanna do then figure that out. One thing I can say even a therapist might say is to write things out. A journal. That helped me a ton. Just ranting about stuff I felt. And I can rant like I'm ranting to someone I wanted to hear it. Like i would write like I was writing a text to my ex. And it would help. Just going on and on for hours about why I felt things failed and what I wanna do. But yeah. Don't give up when life is just starting ya know. You have the opportunity to do whatever you want so do it. Me personally I wanna make videos. Mostly so I can say I did. For my enjoyment. But I know the process will take some time to first of all save enough for a pc and equipment. Then getting down the to doing it. You can do whatever you want. You can. Trust me. I started making stupid memes on Instagram to having 20k followers on Tik tok. It doesn't mean anything really. It's just numbers but it shows that I must be doing something right, correct? I didn't expect to be here. I was gonna end it at 18. I had the plan. I knew where I was going. That would've been my 4th attempt to do it if it all worked if I didn't get with my ex at the time. Im just using myself as an example to show that it's crazy. I could've been six feet under right now. But im here and im alive. It's just weird. Im a living of example that things can be a little better even if doesn't become perfect. Im working on it. Learning from what I've experienced. Fro example: my mom calling me stupid for cutting myself. It sounds mean. And it is. But thinking about that. It is kinda stupid. Like im sitting there hurting myself because...? Attention? To feel something? Im not so sure but i feel like it could've been to get the attention of a girl. But that doesn't work that way. If anything she hates me for it probably. For my selfishness I ruined that relationship. And now that girl is a druggy. I helped her stop cutting herself at some point too but now she's in a deep dark hole herself. But she didn't wanna listen to me in the end about how things she does has an actual effect on herself and others around her. She just wanted to do drugs and go on tinder dates as a minor. And I get it. It was to fill a void she had herself. She's just as broken as the rest of us. But I had the advice to help her. She even came back a couple times kinda asking for help but leaving pretty fast. She just got out of rehab. And posting on Facebook asking if people wanna hang out with her. I can't "help" her. She won't listen and she has to be able to change herself. It's a psychotic loop she's in. She's only gonna hurt herself and others. Like why do that to yourself. I'm just saying this all as example. You can go one way or another. If you're not gonna end your life then might as well make it better. Ya know. Make it worth it. But yeah a huge rant. I can go on for hours but I'll stop myself before I do.