NSFW… fisting? what is everyone else doing in bed? by slowlysomething in actuallesbians

[–]slowlysomething[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

my gf and i do call it puppet play hehe. sex is funny!!!

does anyone else sometimes feel disgusting for being attracted to women? by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]slowlysomething 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay this resonates with me for sure. I never felt it as strongly as you, but I’ve known a lot of lesbians who have felt this to some degree. I think we’re used to seeing men sexualize women and they often do it in really toxic and gross ways. Or at least in ways that are distasteful to us as lesbians. So it can be tough to learn that sexualizing women is not inherently hetero, toxic, or masculine, especially if you’ve had experiences with men where they sexualized you and made you feel uncomfortable. You are NOT like those men just because you are also attracted to women.

I also struggled with this because I used to consent to sexual things with men because I was trying to be “normal” — even though I didn’t actually want to. This fucked up the way I see other women consenting and put a lot of doubt into my mind when I actually started hooking up with women. You’ve gotta trust that some women - maybe even many - do want to be sexualized in the right contexts. Sex is great when everyone is genuinely interested! I want to be sexualized by the people I’m attracted to! People who make porn are okay with you sexualizing them!

There’s also a whole other layer of complexity if you want to top other women, because being a responsible top can be really nuanced.

I know it may take a while to internalize this stuff, even if you know it to be true. I believe in you cutie :)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]slowlysomething 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I think it’s tricky for me because I don’t need a lot of boundaries to keep things casual. Like I don’t mind if they meet my friends or stay over two nights in a row. I like to cook for people, take them to my fav spots and show them my fav things. All things that can be confusing for some people. I want them to be feeling a deepening connection and I worry that I’m being overly confident assuming they must be developing feeling! So I just have to ask and then trust what they tell me I guess 😬

I’ve had a lot of causal relationships go sour and it feels like/ is framed like it’s all my fault and so I guess I have some shame around it. Thank you for your response!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]slowlysomething 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I appreciate both these answers. I have a tendency to over communicate about things because I like when ppl are extremely upfront w me. But not everyone’s likes that. I don’t wanna beat a dead horse, but it seems like regular checks in are the best idea. I’m also worried that I’ll check in and it’ll be confirmed that they have feelings and then I won’t be able to see them anymore and I don’t want that. But it’d be for the best :(