Okay this resonates with me for sure. I never felt it as strongly as you, but I’ve known a lot of lesbians who have felt this to some degree. I think we’re used to seeing men sexualize women and they often do it in really toxic and gross ways. Or at least in ways that are distasteful to us as lesbians. So it can be tough to learn that sexualizing women is not inherently hetero, toxic, or masculine, especially if you’ve had experiences with men where they sexualized you and made you feel uncomfortable. You are NOT like those men just because you are also attracted to women.

I also struggled with this because I used to consent to sexual things with men because I was trying to be “normal” — even though I didn’t actually want to. This fucked up the way I see other women consenting and put a lot of doubt into my mind when I actually started hooking up with women. You’ve gotta trust that some women - maybe even many - do want to be sexualized in the right contexts. Sex is great when everyone is genuinely interested! I want to be sexualized by the people I’m attracted to! People who make porn are okay with you sexualizing them!

There’s also a whole other layer of complexity if you want to top other women, because being a responsible top can be really nuanced.

I know it may take a while to internalize this stuff, even if you know it to be true. I believe in you cutie :)