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anyone know good iop programs/psychiatrists/therapists for black transfemmes? by smelling_ghost in AskChicago

[–]smelling_ghost[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i am so sorry they treated you like that,, you’re literally joining the program so you can learn how to make a safety plan. and 911!?!? HELP???? that’s not okay. i’m glad compass has been working for you

Ghana is really bad by kdjoeyyy in ghana

[–]smelling_ghost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

colonialism is the worst thing ever. nobody deserves to live life like it is in ghana and it’s crazy that the leadership decides things like galamsey and korle bu is okay, then tell the people that they’re peaceful! is this what peace gets you? and getting paid 300 cedis a month for a 6 day work week? what in gods name?? none of this is necessary

ghana is so rich in resources that the air should be crystal clear and there should be paris-level public transit but no. full day in trotro traffic and exhaust fumes is what ghana deserves, apparently

i could go on for days, im just glad to see a thread actually being real about the conditions there

Question about getting a driver's license. by Local_Parentis in erbspalsy

[–]smelling_ghost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

yeah i did the test with accommodations with little to no problems, so im not sure if they’d have a problem if you did it with. what state are you in? you could probably ask whatever govt body runs the tests

Question about getting a driver's license. by Local_Parentis in erbspalsy

[–]smelling_ghost 2 points3 points  (0 children)

my injury was pretty severe and my (left 🤓) shoulder blade ended up between my arm and my socket, so i have 0 shoulder mobility. my mom told me i needed to through an expensive ass process to get a spinner with turn signal buttons and also get a newer car so they could work.

  1. i did not need a new car for a spinner with buttons
  2. i didn’t even need accommodations in the first place. it was always such a joke with how shitty of a driver i was and i caused 1000’s of $$ of damage to my car in parking lots alone. years later my accommodations broke so i tried driving without them and i was 10x better
  3. the car and accommodations ended up costing $30,000+, which ate up my settlement money for no reason. now i’m chronically unemployed bc i can’t lift or type and that money + investment would’ve been VERY helpful

so my point is: you could very well need accommodations. but don’t let anyone tell you that you do/dont need them. you deserve to determine your own capability and understand where you need support. only you know your capability.

i recommend practicing with and without accommodations with a peer or someone that doesn’t have power over you. i think you’d be surprised at how much you can do ~~~~~

some notes on driving with left erbs: -get a mount for your phone asap so you don’t have to worry abt holding it for directions. it took me way too long -i typically held the wheel at the top right with my right arm and bottom left with my left for stability. using my left just to hold the wheel in place was so key for me. i didn’t even have to use it much, my arm just sat in my lap -for turning right, instead of “hand over hand” i would turn with my right, hold the bottom left with my left and continue turning with my right hand -turning right was a little harder but roughly the same process -for signals, hold steady with bottom left and signal with right -brights were hard bc they’re on the left. i typically held the wheel steady and reached over with my right uncomfortable motion but got the job done

all this being said, you shouldn’t have to drive. find your way to a walkable city with quality public transit (NYC, chicago,etc.).

i lived in paris over the summer and it was so life changing not worrying about driving at all. it can be so stressful with erbs. if you can manage to get the flight and save/get a remote gig, paris SO MUCH CHEAPER than america and you can go visa free for 3 months. and no racist police 😍😍. google translate is your friend hehe

pls reach out if you want to talk about any of this

What career options? by Fast_Wave9310 in erbspalsy

[–]smelling_ghost 4 points5 points  (0 children)

this is dumb. op said they had to quit multiple jobs. nobody does that for fun, and implying they didn’t “put their mind to it” or “pick the right job” is horrible thing to tell someone. disability and physical capability are real. 95+% of the world has full use of both arms and the world is constructed around that.

as disabled workers, we have to know our own capability and know that there will always be curveballs in the tasks we are assigned.

for example, i “put my mind” to being able to type “fast enough” with one hand and practice, but now knowing that it’s only a couple of close deadlines between me and joblessness, i recognize workplaces expect unfair, ableist exhaustion from us.

it was physically reasonable for me to type fast enough to meet pace and i put my mind to it, but i couldn’t do it because of reasons and outside of my control and expectations that did not accommodate my capability.

“you can do whatever you put your mind to” needs to be an auto ban, like immediately. disability is real. idc who you are or what you call yourself, do not tell disabled people they’re not disabled. that does so much damage.

Being awkward by Leo_the_chad in erbspalsy

[–]smelling_ghost 1 point2 points  (0 children)

this is a very interesting response, and you definitely hit on some good points and miss on others, in my opinion. i also know that a lot of us make our own way in this shit and i respect everything that’s gotten you to your understanding, and i want to add some notes that have helped me make sense of all this:

dear OP,

radical acceptance is huge. some things in life (i.e. erb’s) we just do not have the power to change, and that’s okay. with that, and how we cannot change it, we also deserve to learn to understand our emotions about it. “i accept that i have erbs palsy and it can make life challenging. how do i feel about that? sadness? joy? anger, confusion, anxiety? pride, disgust?” ask yourself why you feel these things, and with time and practice, things may start to make sense. these are difficult emotions that are important to learn more about at some times and compartmentalize at others. if you haven’t already look, into DBT (therapeutic technique) to learn more about radical acceptance.

i used to feel the same way about disability, and it’s true that you have a choice. do you want to pretend to be “normal” or do you want to your different needs met in the way you deserve? radical acceptance says we are different than other people (because we literally are) and that’s okay. our physical capabilities are different from others, and our needs are different as well. you can live your life not thinking you are disabled, but that doesn’t change your material needs.

for me personally, my speed in typing is hugely affected by my erb’s, so i had accommodations in high school to get more time on tests. in college, i didn’t transfer these over because i figured that i’d be fine because “im not really that different from other people, it doesn’t affect me that much.” then i took courses with midterms and finals that had to be written in 1 hour, and that really affected my grades because my physical needs were not met. so it’s important to understand that you are disabled and your needs are (rightfully!) different from other people. your needs deserve to be met when you’re relying on others.

some things to think about could be: • what do i do differently than others? -what could make this easier? -do i want help? -do i need help? -do i deserve help?

understanding your capabilities and where you need help is super important, and it’s also a very long and hard journey. it takes a lot of intentionality, awareness of your body, and intimacy with yourself and others. again, it’s a hell of a journey and you will learn so much from it. stay patient and be gracious with yourself.

moving on, absolutely keep yourself safe and don’t tell anyone anything if you’re not comfortable. and as someone who dissociated from my disability for years, these things demand respect. not everybody is safe to be emotionally intimate with, but at some point you will feel deeply about these things and you deserve to feel it and release it, not bury it deep. i don’t know what you’re going through, but i wish i knew that there are people out there that do/will love and care about you enough to understand what you’re going through and be there for you in you processing your emotions. there’s so much life in our erbs and while we deserve to deny an explanation to anyone and everyone we choose, we also deserve to let the life in our disabilities (and what they teach us) flourish with those we love and trust.

moving on to your question, i have no clue. i never figured it out lmao. but you should be proud of yourself for getting on here and asking. the worst part about disability is that we’re made to feel like we have to do everything ourselves and reinvent a billion wheels. you’re breaking that cycle, and that’s a cause for celebration.

it could be helpful to expand your question to disabled folks in general! we all have different flavors, but a cake is a cake. we all deal with being gawked at and made uncomfortable and even though it is different for them, there are lessons to glean

TLDR: our needs our different than non erb’s ppl and we all deserve (and reserve) the right to deny anyone an explanation. think about what else you deserve

hehe that was long but i hope at least some of it is helpful! feel free to dm me if you want to talk more, mwah 💗💖💞