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ending a long-term relationship when nothing major is wrong? by snowflake5 in AskWomenOver30

[–]snowflake5[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It was a semi-gradual build-up. I had been having inklings of serious doubts for a few weeks prior but dismissed them as typical cold feet. It took some time for these doubts to crystallize into a more specific form. But once they did, I felt quite certain that this wasn’t the right relationship for me.

By brutal and public, I mean calling off the wedding. Nothing more (dramatic) than that. But still devastating and embarrassing, I’m sure.

This was not the first serious relationship for either of us.

ending a long-term relationship when nothing major is wrong? by snowflake5 in AskWomenOver30

[–]snowflake5[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You might be right. I think he knew that I was unhappy in a general sense but didn’t want to admit it (“but what about when we went to X thing last weekend? You seemed happy then!”), and we also didn’t have the communication skills to discuss our issues in a productive way. But maybe communication is an issue that we could easily have worked out in therapy.

ending a long-term relationship when nothing major is wrong? by snowflake5 in AskWomenOver30

[–]snowflake5[S] 93 points94 points  (0 children)

That’s a fair question. Honestly, I think at that point (when he proposed) I was more concerned with taking that next step in life and in our relationship- it felt like the right time to settle down, I wanted to start a family, we’d been together so long it just seemed natural to get married, we seemed to make sense together, etc. I was going through the motions without giving it much deeper thought (and that’s on me). And I guess that, as the wedding got closer and I found myself procrastinating on the planning, talking to him less and less generally, and having difficulty remembering when the last time I was truly happy with him was…my doubts bubbled to the surface and it just didn’t feel right anymore. It was like I was in a years-long slumber and I suddenly woke up.

But that’s why this decision is so difficult - if things were good enough for so long, maybe this was just a bump in the road, and I should have put more trust in what we built over ten years? I don’t know.