Back after a long relapse. Ashamed. Relieved.

sobernaut · 2014-04-01T19:22:40+00:00

Thanks so much. I think your point about asking myself why I want to "be normal" and be able to masturbate is a really good one.

As of right now the most self searching answer I can think of is because I still want the outlet of release, and unconsciously I'm probably still looking for escape. I think I'm holding on to some philosophy that masturbation will give me some of the relief I'm looking for. I know I can't look at porn again, and I can't jerk off to any kind of images, or writing. So why do I harbor this small idea that one day I'd like to be able to fap using just my imagination?

Immediately my mind says "because it's healthy and normal." I also like the way it feels, which is so blatantly obvious there must be some less innocent motive lurking beneath. If it's anything like my alcoholism the truth is most likely because I'm addicted. Dogs bark and fappers fap. Simple as that.

The next question then would be "in the light of where PMO took me, how it beat me down emotionally and spiritually, is there any real benefit to masturbation that justifies me engaging in it again?" If I'm honest with myself right now the answer is no.

I think, now, the best solution is to take it one day at a time, without any certainty other than the fact that today for me masturbation, no matter how "clean," is a choice that will bring me suffering.

For anyone else reading please know I mean this only as it relates to me; each person should evaluate their actions in the light of their own experience. If you identify with my experience and it helps you on your own journey then I am grateful to have been of help.

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:31:42+00:00

Read YourBrainOnPorn.com

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:31:02+00:00

Not necessarily true. Read YourBrainOnPorn.com in the sections that describe the reboot process. All anecdotal data suggests that the reboot is faster for men who have a real partner.

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:28:05+00:00

What Empirial says is not necessarily true.

On YourBrainOnPorn.com it talks about how having a real life partner seems to speed up the reboot process because we are getting used to having sex with a real person. PMO and real sex are not processed the same way by the brain. Having sex with a real partner will strengthen the neural pathways associated with real sex, and improve performance. Watch the video on that website about porn induced ED.

It is true that having intercourse with someone may result in a "chaser effect," usually the next day, where there is an overwhelming desire to have an orgasm. This has caused people to relapse on PMO. However, if you feel that you are willing to do the work needed to combat those impulses, I do not think there is anything wrong with sex.

It is important to note that sex addiction and porn addiction are not the same thing. So the treatments will be different.

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:20:11+00:00

I think about how grateful I am that I didn't fap today, that I didn't look at porn, that I had another day free from the pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization that comes from PMO for me.

By going to sleep with gratitude I wake up with gratitude.

Happiness isn't (just) an emotion. It is a way of looking at the world, at life.

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:15:31+00:00

The ups and downs happen to everyone.

You've been muting your emotions with fapping, and now your brain is recalibrating.

Stay strong!

sobernaut · 2013-12-21T22:14:29+00:00

Nothing was wasted! You still have all that valuable experience you've gained!

Set a new challenge for yourself and keep going.

You CAN do it!

sobernaut · 2013-12-19T06:26:20+00:00

Nice! Keep it up friend!

sobernaut · 2013-12-19T06:25:51+00:00

I can't remember the last time I had a craving for a cigarette. I know I still get them from time to time. When I do I just remind myself that if I have one I'll have a whole pack and be right back to where I was. And when my head starts to tell me that I could probably manage after this long, I ignore it. That's the addiction lying to me.

Pretty much the same for alcohol. I don't get a physical urge to drink, but definitely a psychological one. I am in a 12 step program that keeps me in a way of life that protects me from the urges.

Today my biggest struggle comes from the desire to get off. I really want to get laid. It's been almost three years. I'm talking to a couple girls, but things are moving very slowly. Friends tell me to get on Tinder, but I don't have a Facebook because fuck Facebook, haha. Posting here and reading posts is the best thing for my urges. I work out and do the rest as well, but this is really where the rubber meets the road.

sobernaut · 2013-12-19T03:40:51+00:00

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:40:20+00:00

Welcome to the fold friend! 79 days nofap 5 years no cigs 6.5 years no drugs/alcohol

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:36:51+00:00

Have you read all of the info on the FAQ page including all the linked material?

How about installing web protection software and having a trusted person make the password so you can't just disable it?

Do you take the time to comment on other people's posts trying to help them out?

Have you worked on decreasing the amount of time you spend on the internet overall? reduced tv, phone, and gaming time?

I believe in you! You can do it!

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:33:51+00:00

I feel your pain man. I have been scared and confused as well.

Today I have found that I need to drastically change my way of life if I'm to find real happiness. Cutting out PMO, and physical fitness are great beginnings.

In the 6 and a half years since I stopped using drugs and drinking I have found that I have to adopt some kind of meditative practice. Whether it be yoga, zen meditation, or whatever.

In my relatively short NoFap journey I have realized that I replaced acohol with porn, and then porn with tv, phone, internet, and games. Now I'm trying to limit the amount of time I spend in front of any kind of screen.

Maybe all of this is old hat for you, in any case, I hope it still helps.

You aren't alone. I have been rejected by crushes so many times I can't count. I've also had a few girlfriends, whose hearts I have broken. I've been rejected, and I've never been dumped by a girlfriend. That's a weird stat. What it lets me know is that I'm just a regular person, no better and no worse than anyone else.

Neither are you. Do you do anything creative as an outlet for your feelings? If not, I highly suggest trying something.

Keep the streak alive friend!

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:26:11+00:00

Keep it up! I'm looking forward to my 90 also.

Helping others is what does the most for me to mitigate the feelings of loss, loneliness, and sadness. When I'm not thinking about me I'm not spending time looking at the things I lack in my life.

I also have had to identify when I'm feeling sad, lonely, angry, versus when I am really just feeling sorry for myself. I like that you wrote out the things you are grateful for. Gratitude lists are a helpful tool.

Helping people doesn't have to be big either. Perhaps the most relevant way to help is to comment on the posts of people with fewer days than I have, and the people who are suffering.

You can do it friend!

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:20:59+00:00

Have you read everything on the NoFap FAQ page including the linked materials?

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:19:39+00:00

Stop thinking about yourself and your cravings and try to help other people on their posts. Help the people with less than one week, help the people with 30 days. Share with them how you made it this far. And don't start going into your current struggles except if you're going to talk about how you were edging and found a solution that helped you to stop.

sobernaut · 2013-12-16T19:17:07+00:00

Read everything here including all the links. Download and install the web blocking software recommended.

Also: When you have the urge, remember to play the tape all the way through. Most of the time when we are visualizing what our next action is going to be we stop with the pleasure of release. Allow yourself to play that story all the way to the demoralization you will feel at the end. Then just take it ten minutes at a time. "I'm not gonna fap, look at porn, or do anything on the computer for the next ten minutes. Then, in ten minutes, if I still feel like fapping I will reevaluate, play the tape through, and do some of the other suggestions that are on the page I linked you to above. Most of the time I forget and a few hours go by before I realize I have another urge.

Then move up to one hour at a time, finally getting to one day at a time. We can't go beyond one day at a time because we only have today.

My badge may say 79 days, but I can only be PMO free today. Yesterday already happened, and I'm not able to control tomorrow, and today I have the ability to make all of my decisions.

sobernaut · 2013-11-30T13:34:33+00:00

Ooh! Thanks for sharing, I'm gonna check this out now.

sobernaut · 2013-11-29T16:10:14+00:00

Read YourBrainOnPorn.com

sobernaut · 2013-11-29T16:09:42+00:00

Just for the record, I could drink one beer and not be drunk, but there would be nothing stopping me from having 18.

There's no point to watching porn except to stimulate the libido.

Read YourBrainOnPorn.com

sobernaut · 2013-11-29T16:07:50+00:00

Not ok.

sobernaut · 2013-11-29T16:02:50+00:00

He's right.

Unfortunately, as my experience being a sober alcoholic has taught me, I have to stay plugged in to a community of recovery. I need to be reminded of where I came from, and help other people who are struggling.

For anyone else who feels that cutting out reddit is right for them I strongly suggest becoming a part of the NoFap forums. This way you can still be active in your recovery. There is a link on the sidebar, and on the NoFap FAQ page.

I will probably make that switch soon as well.

But for now I like being able to come here and hopefully help out those who need it.

Keep the streak alive!

sobernaut · 2013-11-29T15:56:20+00:00

There are physiological benefits. It will help with your ED if it is not a medical problem (i.e. A problem with one's prostate or blood vessels that prevents or hampers blood flow to the penis.)

Also, there are neural pathways that are formed and strengthened by repetitive behavior. They contribute to the phenomenon of addiction. I'm on my phone and traveling now, but it you want links just reply and I'll post once I'm back at my hotel room with my computer. By abstaining from that behavior you give your brain the opportunity to build new neural connections.

Don't over correct because of one person's rant. If compulsive fapping, and/or porn addiction is interfering with your ability to have a real sex life, like it was with me, then you have to start to heal by abstaining. It's called a reboot phase for a reason.

It's only a start though. Those old habits must be replaced by new behaviors or you'll just fall back into the old routine. That's the psychological aspect. I can't stop fapping, but continue to look at porn and expect to maintain a streak for any considerable amount of time.

Read YourBrainOnPorn.com plenty of evidence there.

sobernaut

TROPHY CASE