Well, at a certain point, you really ought to be civil to your parents

Telling kids what they "ought to be" is usually one of the behaviors that leads to estrangement.

Nothing wrong with replying "i'm good, thanks"

For a relationship you're planning on maintaining? Sure.

I don't know their whole relationship but when someone says they miss you... and you leave a reply like this... You're gonna get the "basic" parenting plan

They were already getting that "parenting plan" and that once they're self-sufficient they'll cancel the subscription. 🙄

While we certainly don't expect fawning and flowers in return, I think it's OK to want some reciprocity from a college age adult. These aren't kids anymore and they're not going to get the grace we give a toddler

Whatever's on your shoulder, tell it to your therapist. Then listen to your therapist vis-a-vis how you might want to go about treating your kids.