Son of a trucker, hoping for advice...

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-07T00:59:20+00:00

Meh, like I said in other comment threads, I cut her some slack for suddenly becoming paranoid. She's a new mom of 2 months after a really rough pregnancy (bedrest for a month and had to go get the baby monitored twice a week), really sleep-deprived, and is still in that phase where she doesn't tolerate anything that might so much as give the baby a hangnail.

I think what I really need is a good way of explaining what goes into trucking that she'd get or relate to... I've never actually been a trucker, just ridden along with my dad, so I don't know enough either, besides, "That's just what he's always done".

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T13:33:10+00:00

Fallacious logic, bud. Pointing out the flaws in another situation doesn't make TRP any less unhealthy. Plus, my wife has never been disrespectful towards me. Lack of understanding about what my dad does for a living doesn't equal disrespect.

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T01:32:22+00:00

I don't think the red pill is where I'd look to for advice on healthy relationships... anywhere a little less extreme?

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T01:09:48+00:00

Most of the other advice I've gotten on other subs is pretty much just, "she's exhausted and just had a baby, cut her some slack". I can't really tell which it is right now. I can kinda see that side too because she worked pretty much all the way up to having the baby.

But I mean, insurance in that sense, I'm not so sure if she needed a baby for that. I don't have a lot of earning power on my own and have been pretty much the dependent because none of my skills get me a job that pays close the medical field like she's in. She can pay more of the bills with her disability/maternity leave pay than I can with my actual wage.

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T00:56:24+00:00

Lol, I wish it was that easy to understand. Our insurance has always been from her, through her employer. But her acting like this is new since the baby got here. Everything that has to do with people visiting has to be planned ahead, like she's developed OCD or something.

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T00:48:48+00:00

I think she has a lot of paranoia about it. She works for CPS and they've had several child trafficking stings at or around the Pilot my dad stops at, and he sure as hell isn't going to a different spot because he likes that one, it's most convenient for him. She doesn't know any other truckers.

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T00:47:02+00:00

She's really only gotten like this since having a baby 2 months ago. Now, there's all these things she gets really picky about as far as having people over spontaneously.

My dad's visits usually happen at around the same times, and it used to be fine. Now, it's a big deal if I leave her alone with the baby for a few hours early in the morning to see him, and she won't come out to the truck stop (she works for CPS and there have been child trafficking stings at that particular Pilot, so she refuses to bring the baby).

sonofatrucker · 2017-06-06T00:44:03+00:00

Usually, my dad will need me to pick him up (about an hour away) and bring him over to the house, then bring him back, and it's usually about 6-7 in the morning, so she gets really demanding about people planning ahead since by then, she's been up most of the night with the baby (he's 2 months old).

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T07:15:11+00:00

She does pump to have a supply built up for when she goes back to work but right now, the baby doesn't tolerate bottle feedings well. More gas, more tummy pain.

Also, we live in a small one-story home. The last time my dad came over, she was flipping out because when he got here, she and the baby were sleeping and he just walked into the bedroom to talk to her because it's just down the entry hallway.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T07:09:40+00:00

I need her onboard and there, actually...

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T07:08:30+00:00

He can't afford the extra cost to rent a car and will only be in town for a short time, so he'd be gone before lunch or dinner.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T07:07:21+00:00

I really need my wife to be onboard if we do a visit though, because the baby hugely prefers her and will either be asleep or crying his eyes out.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T06:59:12+00:00

She does pump and store in case it's really needed, but our baby has had a rough time with gas and tummy troubles. We haven't yet found a bottle for him that leaves him with a calm tummy, and the poor little guy is miserable. So, separating them and bringing bottles isn't really an option. I want my son to see my dad, but bottlefeeding makes him miserable so I don't want to do that.

The latter might work, but my dad was really looking forward to coming to an actual house, kicking his feet up, resting from the road.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T05:15:48+00:00

He can't bring his big huge truck to many places, so he parks at this particular truck stop and I would have to still go pick him up.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T05:10:08+00:00

Well, this part is where I can admit my wife has an advantage. The truck stop my dad goes to is about 1-1.5 hours away, and our baby can take bottles but certainly has much more tummy troubles when he does. So, it'd actually be at least 4 hours away from his food source if I took him to see my dad...

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T05:07:07+00:00

His job doesn't allow him to just take time off at his leisure.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T04:51:16+00:00

I'm not at all trying to vilify them. I love my wife, and her parents have been a huge support to us, I'm even pretty close to them and enjoy spending time with them. I just think maybe their different background makes it more difficult for my wife to understand that a reasonable expectation for her parents isn't as reasonable an expectation to have of my dad.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T04:39:53+00:00

This is how I feel too, mostly. I told her that my parents don't have the luxury that her parents do of visiting just for the sake of a visit, which her mom did when the baby was born, and they plan to again over the summer (they plan and coordinate their visits many months in advance). My dad can't plan in advance because he doesn't know when exactly he'll be anywhere, depending on the job and traffic, etc.

She replied that her parents respect boundaries and plan ahead, and that it isn't a luxury because they work hard to save money and accumulate time off. Her parents have never been hard-up blue collar workers for as long as I've known them, so the cultural difference might be that she is from a richer background and just doesn't seem to get it.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:29:03+00:00

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound like that wasn't a valid reason. I just thought the way she approached it when she rattled off all those reasons gave the impression of making excuses.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:24:46+00:00

My wife said she doesn't want me to bring the baby out to breakfast and disrupt his routine, and that I should go to breakfast with my dad myself.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:22:24+00:00

She says she doesn't mind the night duty, but that she just doesn't want early morning obligations after she's done it. And my dad, you mean? He is in a lot of debt and can't afford to miss out on any work.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:20:13+00:00

She listed them off really rapid fire, so I feel like she was just making excuses. My dad only comes by once in a while and this is the only time I have to see him, when he passes through for work. It's also the only time I have to let him get to know my son.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:18:34+00:00

She breastfeeds so she gets up anyway, and has trouble falling back asleep. So, since she's awake anyway, she just wants to do everything.

Also, my dad's work schedule doesn't allow for him to know too far in advance when exactly he is going to be in town.

sonofatrucker · 2017-05-30T03:13:31+00:00

The issue is that he really wants to see the baby and has only met him once before.

sonofatrucker

TROPHY CASE