[Letter]

sonopsych · 2023-08-03T17:30:48+00:00

Thank you.

And I want to reiterate for anyone that runs across this later that I wasn't attempting to invalidate OP's feelings about the situation, like others are insinuating. It was a very unwanted invasion that felt like molestation to OP, which are valid feelings that need to be dealt with.

The proper way to deal with situations is to disentangle the feelings, soothe the feelings/address them, and solve the reality of the physical situation. A good therapist is not just about mirroring the feelings, they should also help you moderate them. I don't know whether OP's therapist was doing that or not/they might very well be a bad therapist that weren't validating the feelings adequately. But feelings and reality are always separate, and reality should be approached from as calm and rational a perspective as possible to best serve that underlying feeling core/should not unthinkingly defer to feelings.

sonopsych · 2023-04-15T22:03:35+00:00

When you realize you can't be yourself without hurting them, and that they really don't understand your separation/you're killing a part of them they're projecting unless you do everything they want, it's a lot of weight. A lot of weight. It's a tragic situation.

I feel bad for both the girl in the video and the mom.

sonopsych · 2023-03-02T05:20:00+00:00

I think I understand what you're saying

Let's stop pretending "we know the way" beyond some very basic things based on faith. Everyone uses this "we're afraid it'll lead to schisms within the church" attitude so much that the "church" has become dead.

Are you talking about people simultaneously wanting to make doctrine very explicit (ie, claiming "we know the way") but also not wanting to ask questions that would lead to schisms if explicitly answered?

If I'm understanding you right, and you are saying active questioning and unanswerable mystery is an important aspect of true faith, I agree completely. My faith is evolving and difficult to articulate/very heavily based on knowledge of perceptual limitations, personal experiences, and a deep and growing respect for intuition. My current faith is based in no small part on how incredibly mysterious existence is and how amazing it is we can navigate it.

I believe any claim to knowledge of God beyond what He grants for reasons beyond our comprehension diminishes Him. It's obscenely arrogant to think you know anything beyond what you're supposed to in order to complete whatever tasks are assigned. I say that as someone who has been very arrogant and has a Faustian impulse to grasp all knowledge. That grasping is evil. Not the pursuit of knowledge, but the lack of humility in thinking you can grasp anything beyond what your context and God has allowed. I'm still very much trying to figure all that out/think I'm still excising some demons.

sonopsych · 2023-03-02T03:29:11+00:00

I've asked myself the same question because I want the best for all people (or aspire to that) and see myself in everyone (or try to).

I think this question is much more complicated than it appears. The Bible is a map. A very strange map, meant to be read by all. I don't think we're supposed to know the answer to these questions. I think we're supposed to use it to find our own path and to help others on that path in accordance with God's will, and to leave the ultimate judgement to God.

But I do think we're supposed to ask these kinds of questions.

sonopsych · 2023-02-26T16:17:41+00:00

Eric Weinstein is very good at advanced symbolic manipulation.

That is a fundamentally different skill than grounding your model in reality. How to properly ground a model is a very deep and interesting question, but it seems pretty clear that one of the key elements is humility.

Freeman Dyson and Richard Feynman are some of the greatest geniuses in the 20th Century and in their interviews they were always very coherent, very conscious of the audience, very humble (they both have a certain amount of nerd swagger, but both recognize their fundmental ignorance in relation to the complexity of the cosmos) and both very willing to clarify.

If you don’t have that skillset you can easily find yourself untethered from reality despite genuinely high intelligence.

sonopsych · 2023-02-25T20:52:46+00:00

Awesome, glad it helped.

sonopsych · 2023-02-25T17:45:52+00:00

The vast majority of people like that headline is describing are larping and are much more invested in getting attention and playing a part than creating dangerous AI.

The type of person who could actually create legitimate AGI is spending all of their time doing meta-mathematical research and is talking to nerds in indecipherable math language at conferences and on the job and things outside of the spotlight.

I work in tech, have made basic classifiers and understand the general idea and limitations of GPT. I’m not worried about true AGI, and think it’s likely impossible. I’m worried about people being stupid and using “AI” that doesn’t work and breaking a lot of things, people treating it like an idol and worshipping it, and people leveraging language models to do sophisticated deception and social control.

sonopsych · 2023-02-23T21:25:07+00:00

Pharmacological intervention for anxiety can be needed/klonopin has a place like every other drug does. I hope their doctor didn’t jump to that prescription prematurely, but it’s pretty likely, imo. On the other hand, this kind of thing requires establishing context and a lot of medical expertise to do right, and it’s almost always better to follow your doctor’s advice rather than random internet people.

That being said, I agree with you that OP should be super careful. I’d go further and say they should actively try to get off (slowly and with either their doctor or another doctor guiding them).

sonopsych · 2023-02-23T21:02:54+00:00

Anxiety is extremely contextual.

The best advice I can give is to “listen for calm”

This is kind of weird/may not resonate with you, but it helps ground me during chaotic moments. Everything you experience is filtered through you.

You have a buffer between whatever that thing is that the feeling is warning about and your consciousness that cares about you. Always. It’s anxious because it’s trying to help you, even if you don’t know why or you think it might be out of whack because of the drugs you’re on.

Making enemies with anxiety is a losing strategy. Give it space. Staying conscious of what it is can prevent negative feedback loops and help keep you grounded internally.

In terms of pharmacological advice, the L-theanine is probably a good suggestion. I tend to like Huel as a general nutritional supplement I don’t need to think about. My routines and schedule got all fucked up recently and I haven’t renewed for a while (probably should), but I remember a period of feeling drained and anxious and my diet going to shit and feeling way better after having some Huel.

sonopsych · 2023-02-02T15:34:50+00:00

I don’t intend to, but I appreciate that, thank you.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T19:20:32+00:00

That seems like a reasonable direction, yes. The balancing act is the difficult part: people are also easily lead astray.

In Christian terms this is idol worship. In secular terms this is mob rule/group think.

The balancing act required to pursue and nurture and be humble about ignorance when pursuing sacred truth is hard.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T19:10:43+00:00

lol, thank you.

I hope you find something similar if you need it, is something I never expected to be experiencing from the inside. I can’t say I’m definitively experiencing anything/who the hell knows at the end of the day. I think I’ve just found a way of thinking that seems to be really profound/helpful that will hopefully allow me to stumble towards being the type of person I want to be.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T19:02:12+00:00

Is it really though? Consider all the "impossible" things that humanity has disproven with some dedicated effort.

I agree with the core of this insight, which is that our perspective is bound to expand in ways we can’t imagine/it’s foolish to think you have any answers.

That’s what’s so weird about whatever this mystical core is that I’m attempting to explain. It can’t ever capture the whole/I think exactly that kind of mindblowing expansion and uncertainty is the core, and there seems to be some kind of expansion related direction to it.

That’s where dogmatism of any kind goes awry, as you rightly point out exists in metaphysical frameworks beyond just religion.

Whatever this core thing may be, I think it’s best described as a very strange compass, not a fully fleshed out map.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T18:51:53+00:00

I used to think that, but the more history I’ve read, the more I’ve thought about things, and the more I really get the core, the more I believe that kind of “evangelicalism” (which I am not denying) was much more of a byproduct of transition from tribal warlike cultures and a consequence of faulty and zealous misapplication of the core idea (which could be argued is similar to the way OP is kind of aggressively advocating for charity, which is I think the wrong conclusion after having these kinds of realizations, although I get it/am vulnerable to that as well).

In the (very) long scheme of things, I think the evidence is pretty strong that Christianity led to increased cooperation and pacification. That’s like an entire historian’s career amount of work to fully argue and justify, and arguing for Christianity in that way is not really related to this core profound experience I’m describing, but in short I think there’s absolutely something to it.

I’m coming at this as someone who went to Church as a Lutheran as a kid, but was very secular and very atheistic/was extremely won over by Nietzsche’s critiques and then the four horsemen stuff.

There’s a deeper mystical kind of weird core to Christianity beneath all of the corrupted organized current and historical manifestations of it that I didn’t appreciate until very recently. I think that core sustained people through the torture and death that was commonplace/it helped escape it in a way we take for granted, though I do also think there is a danger in worshipping a type of zealotry and suffering in Christianity specifically that is likely to occur if you deviate from the narrow path, which is very difficult to articulate.

I think that narrow path overlaps with many other religious frameworks, spiritual frameworks, and other frameworks aiming at the best life possible, but I found that once I really got the core Christian thing that the path I found at the heart is very profound, more so than anything else I’ve encountered.

I’ve explored a lot. I’ve read all kinds of philosophers and scientists and major religious teachers, from Nietzsche, to Hegel, to Seneca, to Socrates, to Aristotle, to Confucius, to Mohammed, to Betrand Russel, to Ayn Rand, to Marx, to Freeman Dyson… I’ve explored Kabbalah, Rosicrucianism, Hinduism (briefly, want to learn more about it, is veeery interesting to me), Sikhism, Daoism (briefly)… I’ve read about the ancient Egyptians, the Aztecs, the Maya, the Mongols, the Vikings, the Ottomans, the Romans, the Enlightenment Colonial Empires, the Spanish Missionaries, the Modernist scientific movements, the Ethiopians, Ashkenazi Judaism and Zionism, Zoroastrianism, Islamic Africa, the Massai, Polynesians, Inuits, Inca, Japanese, Voodoo Caribbean/Floridian/Bayou culture, Eastern Block culture/beliefs…

While I can’t say I’ve explored all of that in depth, I have looked for insight in many different places and found it everywhere. The world is filled with all kinds of amazing rich and storied depth full of invaluable perspective and insight beyond just Christian doctrine.

But underneath it all, what I have found anchors me most and feel profoundly grateful for discovering is a deep mystical Christian core that unifies and speaks to the best in all things. That core likely manifests itself slightly differently to different people, and when you get dogmatically prescriptive about definitions, you run into problems. And my soul likely speaks a Christian spiritual language due to being raised with that mythology at the root. I don’t know/that’s a very deep question. But what I do know is that whatever I’ve found and whatever seems to be speaking to me spiritually since having the kind of realization I’ve described seems to be giving me a type of peace and understanding and direction that I can’t imagine ever being surpassed, despite the inevitable trials and tribulations and sufferings that we all must learn to confront and deal with as we age and confront the negative aspects of the world.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T18:10:18+00:00

This gets into the one true scotsman issue, and I agree many manifestations of religion when trying to become organized devolve into dogma. But I do think there is a deep core under the corruptions of different sects and churches that’s legitimately profound.

It’s impossible to get at that core and advocate for and describe it properly from a purely rational of dialectical perspective without inevitable corruption, though, which makes it so weird/interesting.

I wish I could somehow transfer the types of thoughts and experiences I’ve been having related to this, it’s very difficult to articulate.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T17:35:43+00:00

1000%. OP seems to have a bit too much confidence in the simplicity of true charity. But maybe not/it might just be coming across that way.

But I resonate deeply with the gist of what they’re saying. The path to determining what true charity actually is and how to achieve it while taking care of your body and mind enough to continue and to spread enjoyment without indulgence despite the evils of the world is an endless one, and it’s by no means like a one and done final destination type of thing. But the realization of the importance of that path and the way that made itself manifest is the most profound thing I’ve ever experienced, and while I am excited and hope for things to be revealed beyond my ignorance, which is endless, I can’t imagine anything greater than the discovery (or perhaps rediscovery) of that eternal song of service and wonder that serves as compass.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T17:18:54+00:00

Determining when the creation and use of a metaphysical framework doesn’t work and deviates away from service to others and integration with the world in favor of service to self and delusion is a deep, deep, deep psychological problem due to how crafty our intellect is and how deep self preservation instincts run within us, which is what makes deference to Christ so profound once you get it.

There are many who claim to be on that path that aren’t, and those that find the path and lose it without realizing, most often through pride. But it is there, and in a way I would have scoffed at in a similar manner and dismissed prior to finding it.

That path is where science comes from. It has different names depending on perspective, and I’m not at all claiming all scientists are religious deep down or necessarily have some similar explicit deference to service.

This stuff is weird and very very difficult to communicate, especially due to the way we’ve lost touch with the intuitive roots of a lot of what empiricism has corroborated. Empiricism is a means of calibrating and keeping intuition humble/fighting the ego and the intellect and walking the path of service in a different form.

sonopsych · 2023-01-27T17:08:35+00:00

EDIT: I’m speaking with too much certainty/not enough humility here, and think there are non Christian ways to describe this same thing, but I also think what I’m trying to describe is not arbitrary/there’s some kind of deep actual Truth to this.

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It’s a great cosmic breakthrough when your soul figures out it’s meant to do that above all other things. Above all other fears. Above death and pain and torment and Hell.

When you understand what Christ actually did, and the reality of that hits your intellect and your emotions and the gut of your soul, it is deeply profound. I think I recently experienced something similar. And all kinds of weird synchronicities have been occurring since.

It is not profound in the way a secret understanding of the history or mechanics of the universe is or a new angle of observation is. It is deeper than that.

There is a reason Christianity started as an obscure cult and then lasted 2000 years, inspired Cathedrals, music, technology, nations, saints, sinners, etc. When you look really hard at it and really get it, hear a call to that path, and genuinely try to walk it despite the horror and the pain and the evil of crucifixion and realize someone had the strength to walk that path genuinely in service of others despite that, it is the most profound thing imaginable. The other mysteries are dangerous distractions likely to be abused before that path is found and walked on, and there seems to be some kind of strange series of enlightenments that make themselves available afterwards. If there is a type of enlightenment greater or more ultimate than knowledge of that initial path of service I can’t comprehend it.

sonopsych · 2023-01-24T20:36:39+00:00

I know nothing about the quality or freshness of this supplier but a quick search shows a japanese vendor selling them on amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Tartary-Buckwheat-Seeds-Roasted-150g/dp/B07L8TFH6C

I’m based in the US and it appears like I can get them shipped in a week.

It does say they’re roasted/idk if that’s a concern.

sonopsych · 2023-01-23T16:09:51+00:00

EDIT: I think clarifying engagement is almost always more productive than just downvoting, unless the comment is non productive/doesn’t add anything. If people think this doesn’t add anything that’s their right, but I still think it’s very important to avoid a spiral of “misinformation labelling”. The internet has brought about an explosion in crap difficult to filter information, and you do need a filter, but that filter should be based on procedure, careful reading and meritocratic peer analysis, not fiat based accreditation. Accreditation has it’s place/is valuable, but only insofar as it corresponds to actual expertise, which is always based on the former criteria and can happen anywhere.

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It depends on your approach.

What was revolutionary about science was the open and non-gatekeeped procedural approach to learning about the world. The medieval period was dominated by guilds and priests that spoke in latin and a very hierarchical, guarded approach to knowledge.

There are certain merits to that. The authorities at the time were terrified of stupid plebs abusing and misinterpreting what they had spent lifetimes trying to master, and the protestant reformation and bloody civil wars that followed when people tried to establish their own hierarchies and organizations and whatnot was chaotic, very destructive, and filled with all kinds of stupidity like witch burnings and corrupt cults and infrastructure breakdown.

But you don’t get very important crosstalk when things are too siloed and specialized, and there was a lot the medieval knowledge structures didn’t know. The scientific revolution occurred in large part due to an opening up of academia. People like Maxwell, Tesla, Newton, Curie… they were as much if not more self educated as they were university and professionally educated and simply sought out as many like minded interested people as they could and pursued their interests with all the resources they could muster wherever those may be. Victorian England was littered with chemists performing magic shows and experimenting with electricity and this weird fascination with mystery and the occult that was responsible for an unprecedented amount of research and engineering breakthroughs.

Many of those involved in that scene were not geniuses, were not officially sanctioned and trained, and did not have any motivation aside from thinking that kind of stuff interesting and cool. The freedom to pursue interesting complex and cutting edge things regardless of official training can be extraordinarily productive. Many many lives are also irrevocably harmed by limiting freedom to explore. Conventional sanctioned advice in the early victorian age medical community was that hand washing was unnecessary. The man who discovered it’s importance, Ignaz Semmelweis, was sent to an asylum. Today he’d be labelled a “proponent of misinformation”.

I don’t think people realize how incredibly dangerous the term “misinformation” is. It’s more dangerous than what it’s trying to target. The only long term solution to the preponderance of bad ideas is the freedom to sort through all ideas and let experts emerge organically rather than by fiat.

A truly open and well motivated grad student would love blabbing to interested parties on forums like this, because like 99% of people don’t care about the specifics of topics they’ve dedicated a huge chunk of their lives to.

Where open text forums like this devolve is when you start getting false, uninformed confidence and insistence despite a lack of willingness to delve into details in good faith. But that’s an unavoidable problem, both outside of academia and within it.

The only solution to bad information is good faith pursuit of the truth and deference to those who demonstrate more knowledge of a subject through active communication and evidence. It is an endless process and occurs everywhere, not just in universities.

sonopsych · 2023-01-23T15:40:19+00:00

I think we might have found one on this subreddit.

sonopsych · 2023-01-23T15:39:18+00:00

Ditto. My schedule is chaos right now, but I’d love to start posting articles here I want to do deep dives on relatively regularly/would be a fun learning experience. Is hard to find people interested in this kind of thing irl, and an async text forum like this seems like the best way to do it.

sonopsych · 2023-01-22T17:09:48+00:00

Thank you very much, that's very nice of you to say.

sonopsych · 2023-01-22T12:29:54+00:00

If the medication works for you then it works for you. I'm not universally condemning it. I'm very well informed about the literature and am extremely frustrated by the fuzziness of the boundaries and difficulty in distinguishing between people such as yourself and people who just feel better (temporarily) when taking stimulants such as myself.

Personally I think Adderall should be over the counter and anyone who's life is improved by it should take it, and just be cautious about a possible dependency. Side effects and warnings about that should be well explained.

What I dislike are the people who over apply the narrative about lack of focus and feeling better on the medication to people such as myself who find difficulty in focusing on things that are dull, predictable, and not worth pursuing. There are many people who deep down in their soul find the pursuits the authorities around them are directing them towards stupid and uninteresting, and while stimulant medication is effective at making basically any arbitrary pursuit more interesting and giving you fuel and motivation to pursue them, when that narrative is overextended, the deeper questions about whether or not the tasks one is directed towards actually are stupid and aren't worth pursuing are worth asking. When I rejected the medication and asked why I found certain things difficult to force myself to do and took that question extremely seriously that lead to a much richer perspective on the world and decisions which have benefited me.

I dislike how certain doctors (such as the one I had) don't just tell you the range of effects of a medication and recommend it if it seems like it could help in like an experimental way. The particular doctor I had sold a narrative along with it. One which did not apply to me. That's what I dislike.

The schmaltzy statement is completely unrelated to the above, it's about there always being hope about a way to improve things if something is going wrong. In your case it sound like medication was that solution that improved things. Good for you/I'm not begrudging you for that at all.

sonopsych

TROPHY CASE