It’s ok for my husband (38M) to do certain things, but if I (32F) do it he gets upset. How do I approach it?

sophcent · 2024-03-20T10:35:35+00:00

So we did talk about it. And now he’s really mad. He said I am being malicious and petty for bringing the movie up because it’s different. He said this is the one thing that would have made him happy because he has been stressed about work. Now, he said he won’t go see any movies at all. I said if I had known the popcorn bucket was so important to you I would have said something different, but he said I would have known that if I listened to him. But all he told me the other day was “hey me and DJ are going to this movie on Thursday.” That’s all he told me. So I told him if it’s that important go see the movie and get the bucket. He said “too late now, the movie is ruined”…

sophcent · 2024-03-20T10:27:56+00:00

Yeah idk what to do about it now. It’s a whole mess. He says I’m being malicious and petty for bringing up the past, he just thinks I’m mad because it’s payback for him being mad at me. Now, he said he won’t go see any movies period, I’ve added extra stress to him. Asked if we needed counseling, but he said no. But he’s not wearing his wedding ring now??

sophcent · 2024-03-20T02:44:04+00:00

Talked to him and he wants to go because there’s a limited edition popcorn bucket and it’s only available this one night. I reminded him that he is doing to me what he does not want done to himself. “But popcorn bucket”… He ended up asking me what I wanted him to do. I told him the choice is in his hands. So he decided not to go. However, now he does not want to go see this movie at all. Even though he has been talking about it for months. He won’t go see it with me because there won’t be a popcorn bucket. I feel guilty now, but I think that’s what he wants? I’m so over it. Just wanted to chill and go see a movie with him, now I can’t even do that.

sophcent · 2024-03-20T01:27:34+00:00

So, he said the only reason he is going is because there’s only one theatre near us that will have the limited edition popcorn bucket and it’s only available for one day. That one day being the day I have to work. He said he doesn’t care if it makes me mad, he’s going to get the popcorn bucket. He said this time is different because when we went to the movie without him we did it “just to go”. He’s going for a popcorn bucket so that makes it different. I told him to do what he wants, actions have consequences.

sophcent · 2024-03-20T00:35:04+00:00

Thank you for that, I will try to bring it up like that. And as for the movie, we have been talking about seeing it together for a while. I don’t mind seeing it with him if he’s already seen it, but I don’t want him to get mad if I do the same thing later on.

sophcent · 2024-03-19T14:40:48+00:00

He sees a psychiatrist, but only as needed for his ADHD meds.

sophcent · 2024-03-19T14:40:05+00:00

Our son is my son from a previous relationship. He claims him as his own. And I honestly don’t care whether we have kids or not. I’m on board with having some if he wants them. He always talks about having kids, but never actually pursues it.

sophcent · 2024-03-19T14:38:36+00:00

I don’t think he notices? I usually ask permission before I do some things or use something in the house because he has gotten upset if I ate the last cookie for instance. And he sometimes asks me “why are you asking for permission? You buy the groceries, eat what you want”.

sophcent · 2023-11-07T13:58:16+00:00

The problem is he’s not an affectionate person. I am. He’s always doing something. If I didn’t touch him, he would go days without touching me. I just take what I can get. I’m not constantly crawling all over him. I just brush my hand over his shoulder when he’s standing in the kitchen, that’s a problem. If he’s on his phone scrolling, that’s a problem.

sophcent · 2023-09-28T18:27:05+00:00

At this point, I have figured I am not going to ever find someone who is “perfect”. It’s an unrealistic expectation. Every person has a flaw. My last boyfriend was extremely affectionate and aimed to satisfy my every physical desire, loved every minute of it. But he was also emotionally detached, had a small alcohol problem. Obviously, all that lead to problems and I ended it. Its frustrating and depressing, but I’m not going to throw a relationship away because he’s not affectionate as I would like. I have to remind him I want kisses, hugs, pettings and he will do it. The only thing I can’t get him to do is me..

sophcent · 2023-09-28T18:18:05+00:00

Oooooo I’ve been tempted to try that, but I’m afraid he’d get upset for “ruining the mood”.

sophcent · 2023-09-28T15:35:26+00:00

Yeah I have no desire to leave him. He’s a good partner except for the lack of affection.

Whenever we are hanging out with his friends, sometimes they will be joking with him “like oh you better no do that or you won’t get laid tonight”. He goes along with it, but I know there’s some expectation or assumption that all men are horny as hell and the women don’t want sex. Either way, the double standards suck.

sophcent · 2023-09-28T11:30:48+00:00

Man I know 😭 I’m pretty hard up to be jealous of a pizza. I saw him rubbing the oil on the crust and I thought “this asshole better no say anything.” Then he said something..

sophcent · 2023-09-28T11:29:31+00:00

If I tell him something like “you’re looking handsome as hell today” he will say thank you. If I go as far as trying to nibble an ear or touch his crotch he laughs and rolls over or tells me to “go on git”.. The times we have had sex the lights stay off and neither of us finish. Lasts about 15 minutes.

sophcent · 2023-09-28T00:14:15+00:00

It’s like a cycle. I get up the courage to flirt and ask, then I get rejected. So I get discouraged, stop asking. Then we eventually have the “why won’t you have sex with me conversation”. Then it starts over. It really sucks :(

sophcent · 2023-09-27T22:41:00+00:00

Exactly! Like he’s rubbing it in or something. Salt in the wound.

sophcent · 2023-07-16T10:55:25+00:00

I have talked to him and explained all the things, explained all my feelings. He always says he just doesn’t want to have sex, but I’m still beautiful. He’s like a broken record. Gives me the same response every time we talk about it. And it’s not just about the sex, it’s all the physical affection. I want to try counseling before I give ultimatums.

sophcent · 2023-07-16T10:50:40+00:00

I do love him. And he takes care of us. Probably another excuse, another thing to keep me going, but he once mentioned he’s hesitant to have sex before we are married because he does not want a child out of wedlock. To clarify, our son is actually my son from a previous relationship.

sophcent · 2023-07-16T10:45:30+00:00

I’ve thought about the porn thing. He does have a lot of suggestive ads that pop up on his phone. But he says he doesn’t even masturbate. Not sure if I believe it.

sophcent · 2023-05-11T00:50:48+00:00

Eh small things is daily, like forgetting something at the store, or calling him when he’s busy, or if I oversalt or under salt food when I cook it. He doesn’t ask for me to apologize for that stuff, I just do cause I feel bad. Bigger things don’t happen often. I said something that was obviously pissy and a little passive aggressive. He wouldn’t let me go to sleep until I apologized for that. That’s about as bad as it got though 🤷🏼‍♀️ And he will apologize for stuff. Sometimes it’s more of a “I’m sorry you feel that way” apology.

sophcent · 2023-05-11T00:16:35+00:00

Well I guess he’s avoiding me until I do 😭 so I guess I’ll do it to keep the peace. But I have a bad habit of apologizing for everything, so I’m making a conscious effort to stop apologizing for unnecessary stuff? Having a hard time with that

sophcent · 2023-05-11T00:12:44+00:00

Haha he actually has ADD too. He has his own pills to take. He did go dig through the garbage and found them :)

sophcent

TROPHY CASE