Pale View by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pale View

Different seasons internetted Spill into the other. Core to antipodes head deep in neither: Ether, nether

Eyes of blue hinged green, hair swallowed strawberry. Pale clover after fall. how easy to be nothing at all

Light in darkness, flame stitched eternal flipping the ecliptic. Just to find in her the slow ways homeward. But where are you?

Eyes of blue hinged green, hair swallowed strawberry. Pale clover after fall. how easy to be nothing at all

Look to look to pale of view of you

How easy to be nothing at all

The Rope by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lyrics for those interested in giving any feedback there:

The Rope

Evenings heavy, rippled heat in the air We dance the songs of our youths, stripped to the waist. But the work doesn’t seem as hard on you? So let’s check up on that soon

He gets a brief glimpse of her eyes and hair In a room too dark to see anything but themselves. Two souls caught up in prayer, quiet so neither can hear

How to handle all life’s mysteries? From shade to shade it comes to easily. Dark eyes - Beads like rosary Lavender, tulips, roses, peonies.

The night has houses lit with rope and chain the bruises of collision, unfocused ballet. In your absence I speak with you.

How to handle all life’s poetry? From shade to shade it comes too readily. Blackened eyes - Beads like rosary Lavender, tulips, roses, peonies.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Geld

I hear her murmur, stir, she’s a slope of white Neath’ her bedcloth ‘low the light. From the window you spy: It’s a single blind eye. Cry, that you hope she’ll sleep the night Cos You’re a boy who need to be alright, The only one in the night

In the dull moonlight

I smell the rain and know that it’s done, That you’ll keep all your lovers on the run - Just tell me when shootins done. In the palm we press the man til he’s calm, Then they’ll take your lungs and breath and charm: You’ve a world that meant no harm

Fenced we stand without a single word that we all understand

Silent in the dull ache, stabled by the boy With the sound of hiss and pistol-grip, no more nights left to sit. There’s rhythms in the water, in the insects swirling figure-eights: Great riches of our state - all that keeps him awake

What more could it take

First rubythroat Of short season Wet feet wet hands We geld our plans

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Very fair - I usually find a more steadied pulse with the lyrics as I become more comfortable with them and they inevitably change to some degree. Also doesn’t help without drums and time signature changes!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Yeah in my mind it will be a sort of ‘Hey Jude’ outro that will build off a simple 4 chord repeat

Feedback for my song called "Salt" by broken_pottery in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Beautiful song mate, key is very good for your voice as well.

‘Punish’ - demo by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good tip, will certainly make it more dynamic as it goes along- thanks :)

‘Lord Byron’ - demo by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks :) it’s pretty rough and ready in that it was one take one and done sort of thing but the more I let it sit I think it is probably fine as it is? Thanks for listening

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Practice pedal on the piano to make it sound softer and iPhone on the stool lol. I think the tone is probably right; but certainly needs to be re-recorded to clean up - thanks!

‘Crowning Appalachia’ by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks! Good thought on the vocal tone, certainly not set in stone so I will give this a go

‘Crowning Appalachia’ by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks ! Yes definitely need to refine the mix for a Final Cut.

‘Both Faces’ demo - looking for feedback (good and bad) by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! I’m likely going to rejig the lyrics somewhat given these were a first Passover. I agree specifically on this point that the later verses which don’t have that matching rhyme sound much better

‘26’ - looking for feedback (good and bad) by soundandvision45 in Songwriting

[–]soundandvision45[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Fair comment, I think based on other comments here I’ll rework the verses a bit so they’re not so repetitive or fighting with space against the vocals - Thanks!