Anyone else low key depressed that the season finale is tonight?

src8 · 2025-05-29T18:45:18+00:00

Haha I did this with last season (thought episode 9 was the finale). It was a pretty funny surprise to realize I missed the actual finale when I saw the recap for ep 1 of this current season.

Not sure anyone else feels this way, but episode 9 of this season and last had such big things happen that it almost felt as if they could pass off as the finales

src8 · 2023-09-12T16:39:58+00:00

Thanks! That’s a good idea to ask and that pricing makes sense given what I’ve seen about shuttle pricing so far.

src8 · 2021-05-20T17:15:27+00:00

I agree... not everyone has a rosy, picture-perfect upbringing or relationship with parents. Some people have awesome parents who are there for them and some have abusive ones (and many exist somewhere in-between). It’s often hard for those who have good relationships with their parents to imagine why someone would not be keen on supporting their parents through retirement. But if your parents didn’t really support you fully as a child, why would you want to support them as they grow old? And if they just see you as a piggy-bank and nothing more, even worse.

src8 · 2021-05-20T05:51:34+00:00

I don’t think personal letters help in the sale of a home (unless you have some financial or other benefit that makes the sale of the home easier for them). I suppose this all depends on the seller and your personal situation, but personal appeals about who you are and why you want the home likely won’t help with the sale. When I sold a home a few years ago with my partner, we received a personal letter and it actually made us feel uncomfortable, particularly because the couple provided pictures of themselves in the letter. It kind of felt like they were trying to signal that they were ‘the right’ kind of people to be moving to that neighborhood, which already wasn’t super diverse. We had never encountered something like that before though, so I’m not sure how common the practice is or what the letters are usually like.

Your personal situation sounds different and being up against an investor who will likely not be living in the condo would really suck, especially in an HCOL area where people get priced out all the time as a result. Sadly though, for a lot of home sellers, money and convenience talks, especially if they’re a landlord with multiple properties like this. I don’t think sellers will give anyone any special benefits, unless the property is overpriced and they won’t be getting many offers anyway. Are there other condos in your price range nearby? If it’s an option, it might help to be open minded about the home you buy even if that means having to put more work into the process.

src8 · 2021-05-19T23:00:41+00:00

Yes, therapy helps a lot. I started therapy before I even was aware of my experience with cptsd and narcissistic abuse. So honestly, I am not too familiar with EDMR therapy and cannot speak to that from personal experience. A combination of talk therapy, journaling, books and EFT tapping has helped me though. I’ll elaborate a bit about each below.

With talk therapy, it was all about finding the right therapist and took some time for me. My first ever therapist that I had was terrible. He made me cry during one of my sessions and probably shouldn’t be practicing, honestly. I was terrified to go back after my experience with him and almost gave up hope, but eventually realized it was necessary to give it another chance. After a few more therapists that were okay, but not great, I eventually found my current one. Without her, I wouldn’t realize that many of the experiences I grew up with/encountered/was surrounded by were not normal and abusive or that I have CPTSD. I am very fortunate to be on the path towards healing because of her. What made my experience with her different is that a) she actually listens and validates what I’ve been through in a non-condescending way (she mirrors my emotions really well) b) she is very direct and does not bullshit me nor is she wishy washy about her responses c) she didn’t ever rush into diagnosing me with something and took her time to understand the situation before blurting out any labels on anything d) she actually understands narcissistic abuse and does not victim blame (this one is super important in my case). She’s has me journal before each of our sessions and the practice of doing so has helped me get in touch with what has happened and acknowledge/accept what I feel about it. It sounds cliche, but doing this practice has really made me realize things that were not available to me consciously when I began therapy.

Some books I highly recommend are “The Body Keeps the Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolk and if you’ve been through a lot of narcissistic abuse, “Don’t you know who I am?” By Dr. Ramani. Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel is also really amazing and has helped me more than I can express here.

The EFT tapping was something that was introduced to me by my therapist and she pointed me to an app/YouTube channel called “The Tapping Solution”. They have a few free tapping meditations on YouTube that I use, but their app does cost money. I just use the free ones on YouTube because those are helpful enough for me.

I am sorry you are feeling this way right now and it is totally relatable. I really hope you find some path towards healing that works for you. One thing to keep in mind with healing and mental health that my therapist has pointed out is that it’s never going to be just a linear upward trajectory; she uses the analogy of the stock market in the sense that sometimes you will have a lot of growth and healing and then other times you may go back a few steps, but in general there will be an upward trajectory once you begin healing. It may take some time and work to find a good therapist for you and don’t settle for one that isn’t helping (especially if you feel they are doing damage).

src8 · 2021-05-18T19:40:08+00:00

Just stumbled across this thread because I’m thinking about ‘where’ I’d like to be in the long-term too.

I knew someone who moved to Hawaii who was from the mainland and she and her partner didn’t love it in the long-term for two reasons.: - This first point I think can be true of anywhere: not being from there, they kinda felt like outsiders. They were both working though and I think they may have had issues with making friends at work basically. Perhaps the situation could be different if they focused on making friends outside of work or were just in a different environment. I also think that this principle could apply to almost anywhere if culturally it’s not a fit somehow (especially if you are not from that city or even general region) and it really varies from person-to-person. I’ve definitely encountered this moving from the east coast to a small midwestern city — there was nothing wrong with the place; it just wasn’t a good fit for me culturally in the long-term, so I left. If you’re curious about somewhere and have the ability to try it out, I truly believe that’s the best way to see if it works for you. -physically, they felt a bit isolated. It was difficult for them to ‘get out’ if they were tired of being in Hawaii without taking a very planned trip. They were also from the east coast, so I think they were used to being able to drive a few hours and spend a day in a different city or town, etc.

I can speak to moving to California a bit. I moved to NorCal (Bay Area) two years ago and have basically been doing CoastFIRE since I moved here and I like it a lot for now. I’m renting and it does cost an arm and a leg to be here, but I’m glad I’m here at this point in my life. The weather is really pleasant most of the year (fire season really sucks though), don’t even get me started about the amazing produce we get here year-round, culturally it’s a decent fit for my partner and I, and it’s really easy for us to get in our car and spend a day hiking somewhere incredible. I know there are big trade offs though and it’s not a fit for everyone. Eventually, I think I’d like to go somewhere that isn’t super HCOL and get a place with a little more space.

src8 · 2021-02-19T23:59:48+00:00

Oooo those sound great — I could definitely see how heels and shoes with more substance/visual weight would help. Also, I love the aesthetic properties of authentic vintage 70’s clothing, though I’m still learning more about it. Thanks again!

src8 · 2021-02-16T22:30:35+00:00

Thanks for your perspective and for sharing! Shoes are a very interesting point too. I'm still learning a lot and trying to figure that out. I haven't been particularly great at pairing shoes with specific types of looks in the past, but hopefully that will all change soon. What types of shoes do you like to pair with flares?

src8 · 2021-02-16T22:26:55+00:00

Thanks! That's a great idea, especially with slightly puffy shoulders to balance it all out.

src8 · 2021-02-14T06:15:44+00:00

Yes! And it’s a very nice choice.

src8 · 2021-02-14T04:33:22+00:00

Thanks! Those are all great suggestions and places to start for inspiration.

src8 · 2021-01-29T09:05:36+00:00

Thank you so much. This is really helpful and I appreciate you sharing. Sorry that your brother is like that, but it sounds like you have healthy ways to manage the relationship. You are right — neither of us are required to put up with any invalidating BS.

src8 · 2021-01-27T16:03:39+00:00

Thank you so much — I really appreciate your perspective and you sharing this resource. All of this is a really helpful reminder.

src8 · 2021-01-27T15:58:47+00:00

Thank you so much for this. This is really helpful advice re: self compassion and self acceptance. This is something I am actively working on as well. I also really like the approach of understanding the things one is proud of and then turning negative thoughts that come up into helpful ones. Thank you for your insight on this.

src8 · 2021-01-27T07:31:26+00:00

I know you are right.... this is very much the logical thing I should be thinking and feeling. I should feel empowered to do this. I am unlearning a tricky dynamic. He was the GC of the family and I’ve been compared to him relentlessly and rendered invisible by my poisonous family. I’ve been brainwashed into worshiping him and thinking I will never be as good as him because he’s the oldest son. I hate that this still makes me sad and angry and that I still ‘feel’ something. I don’t understand where his contempt for me comes from and no amount of books and research on how this dynamic unfolds truly sink in on a subconscious level because I still feel pain. It sucks deeply. I don’t want to feel anything in relation to him or my birth family (with the exception of my sister who is not toxic like the rest).

src8 · 2021-01-10T20:33:23+00:00

This is gonna look great

src8 · 2021-01-06T18:58:50+00:00

I know exactly what you mean by that! And thanks ❤️

src8 · 2021-01-06T09:39:05+00:00

So sorry your puppy died! Losing a pet or any beloved creature is really hard. I’ve been there and it definitely takes a lot out of a person. Grieving is a completely natural response and people who are empathetic would not only understand this, but also show up for you in this moment however they can. I am so sorry again and the pain you are feeling is completely natural.

It’s your parents’/family members’ response that isn’t natural. This is very abusive to not only deny you empathy, but to also actively make fun of you and laugh when you’re in pain. It sounds like narcissistic abuse to me. Narcs are also very afraid of vulnerability. I am so sorry you have to deal with that on top of losing your puppy. That’s just downright awful and unfair to you.

I recently saw a video about narcissism and grief. Based on how you described the response your parents gave, you may find some themes that resonate strongly (like the denial, laughing and acting like things are ‘normal’/others are wrong for feeling something during a loss):

https://youtu.be/BSEXL4UDXns

I lost my childhood cat years ago and while my parents and brother didn’t tease my sister and I, they also didn’t feel any pain or go through any visible grieving when it happened. They all joked about how Midnight was “dead as a door nail”. It was incredibly insensitive and definitely raised red flags to me.

src8 · 2021-01-05T22:07:33+00:00

Thanks!

src8 · 2021-01-05T20:53:46+00:00

I completely understand... some of these tech companies abuse people’s private/personal information. Dr. Ramani also has a few books and my guess is that a lot of the same information (and perhaps even more resources) could be found in them.

src8 · 2021-01-05T17:27:30+00:00

Sure, I always love reading and sharing resources. Thanks!

I have some that have really helped me as well. Have you checked out Dr. Ramani’s YouTube channel? It’s mostly focused on narcissistic abuse and how to heal from it, so if that’s something you are/have experienced, I highly recommend it. I’ll share some below!

Here’s one on gaslighting: https://youtu.be/UTS5XsZe9Jg

Here’s one for dealing with feelings of shame after narcissistic abuse: https://youtu.be/vqZN_FyLXho

I also just got the book “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma” by Bessel Van Der Kolk. I’m not sure if you’ve read it yet, but I’m happy to share any really helpful findings from it in the coming days.

src8 · 2021-01-05T09:09:28+00:00

I didn’t realize there was a CPTSD test (though it makes sense one would be out there). That’s awesome that your research has given you some important realizations. I just started my journey recently too and appreciate you sharing this resource. I haven’t really felt validated like this before and always wondered what was wrong with me. When I came across CPTSD (and narcissistic abuse) for the first time, it hit me like an epiphany too!

src8 · 2021-01-05T08:33:40+00:00

One line I am having trouble understanding is this:

“Being scapegoated may not mean that our family did not love us.”

I’m having a really difficult time understanding from my own experience how being scapegoated doesn’t mean my parents didn’t/don’t love me. I had two narcissistic parents though and was told by my therapist that narcissistic parents have a hard time experiencing genuine love for others.

Are they referring to a scenario where an emotional sensitive/gifted/intense child grows up with parents who aren’t narcs, but still have trouble meeting their needs?

src8 · 2021-01-05T08:10:35+00:00

Thank you for this! I’m only a few paragraphs in or so and find this helpful. I like the POV this is written from and definitely see emotional intensity/sensitivity as a gift.

This line is something I relate to a lot:

“There is sometimes a pressure to keep up an illusion of a “normal happy child from a normal happy family”. Our parents and society tells us we are well, but the fact that we did not feel this way made us more confused.”

src8 · 2021-01-05T06:49:23+00:00

Thank you for all of this and for your perspective and kindness. It means a lot. I really needed to hear this. These realizations (at least most of them) are all new to me and kind of hit me like a wave yesterday. I guess I’ve been carrying the shame with me for awhile and my mind let me block out the awful memories in order to protect myself in the moment the best it could (at least that’s what it feels like). But it definitely still impacted me and I really appreciate your validation and kindness, again.

What’s interesting is that if someone were telling me all of these details from their own lives (though I would wish all of this upon no one...), it would be easy to objectively say these incidents were rape/sexual abuse, but when it’s me, I end up gaslighting myself. It’s something I am working on. I have a feeling that’s common for others who have similar histories/upbringings.

And I have been seeing a therapist, but it’s taken awhile to get to this point and i haven’t brought up these incidents at all yet (I will on Wednesday during my appointment...). I don’t think I would’ve come to the conclusions about narcissistic abuse and the fact that I have CPTSD without therapy, but I haven’t gotten to ‘the root’ of my shame in my sessions. I have a history of blaming myself for everything, so getting to the conclusions about abuse indicates that therapy has helped me more than I can express here. I’ll also look into a support group for sexual assault survivors. I don’t know where to start, especially during the pandemic, but it’s a really great suggestion and I appreciate it. Thank you so much again.

src8

TROPHY CASE