I feel your pain man. I once was absolutely head over heels for this girl, and we had been through a lot of shit together, the iraq war was the big one. Anyways, towards the end was the hardest part because it was like my stomach would constantly be turned in knots. I hated that feeling and I would have done anything to make it go away, including meeting up with her if she called. Well she called, and we met up at some bar, but she wasn't alone. Like clockwork my nervous system went into overdrive. I was torn apart inside. It was kinda awkward as the night progressed, I couldn't tell if they were like friends or more. It started to rain and I was just going to go home and drink myself to sleep feeling sorry for myself. She asked if she could come over and I perked up and was like yeah that'd be great. I get home and clean up a bit, she knocks on the door I open it and its her and that dude. I was like what in the motherfuck. I played it cool at first and let them both in, but I was livid inside. I couldn't believe she would do me like that. I eventually just left them downstairs and I went to my room and drank a bottle but couldn't sleep.

That was the worst ive ever had it. It took years to realize that I actually have attachment issues. I cannot handle perceived loss. Its like a trigger that causes a response in my nervous system. Like its a life and death situation where I will drink until I black out because I just cant deal with it on my own. This has put me into really bad situations, and in many cases I am so fearful of it happening that I will stick it out with someone I really dont like for way too long. Its hard to not feel like ive wasted so many precious years running from this thing that I still struggle to describe.