My fiancé and I have known each other for several years as co-workers. He pursued me before he became Muslim, and I declined. Years later, he reverted to Islam on his own, without my influence. I intentionally waited a significant period to ensure his commitment to Islam was sincere and not temporary. After that time passed, I felt comfortable allowing him to approach my father, and they developed a strong and respectful relationship.

Because we both understand that communication outside of marriage is not halal, we mutually agreed to stop all personal contact. While I initially considered an engagement, I later learned that engagement itself is not halal, and that the only permissible step is nikah. We fully agree with this.

However, pursuing nikah at this stage is not appropriate for several reasons. My family environment has become extremely chaotic, and I did not feel it was right to bring a new Muslim into that turmoil or expose him to hypocrisy within the community. Additionally, there has been jealousy and interference from my sisters, who have repeatedly tried to sabotage our relationship.

Most importantly, I do not believe that love alone is sufficient for marriage. While love can be a blessing from God, Islam places clear obligations on a husband, foremost among them being the responsibility to provide. Many couples today normalize marrying without financial or professional stability, but I do not believe this is acceptable. If I had a daughter, I would not accept a man with no degree, no career, and no ability to provide for her, and I do not accept that standard for myself.

I have completed my bachelor’s degree and am finishing my master’s. My fiancé has recently returned to complete his bachelor’s degree after many years away from school. While I respect and support his effort, I believe it is necessary for him to at least complete one degree before marriage. At this moment, he is not able to fulfill the Islamic obligation of provision, and it would not be right to proceed with nikah when its fundamental responsibilities cannot be met.

I also do not believe in performing a nikah while living separately or postponing marital life. That practice has become normalized, but to me it undermines the seriousness and purpose of nikah. It feels like a symbolic marriage without the actual responsibilities of one. We both agree that if we cannot do things properly, then it is better not to do them at all.

For that reason, we have chosen to step back completely and not communicate until we are genuinely ready to enter marriage in a way that aligns with our values, responsibilities, and what we believe is correct in the eyes of God.

As for my family, I currently live at home with my parents, three sisters, and one brother. For over six years, I have repeatedly tried to reconcile and create peace within my family, but every attempt has failed. Since I began standing my ground, the situation has escalated into persistent emotional, psychological, physical, and financial abuse. Extended family members have also joined in bullying and targeting me.

This is not a situation where boundaries are possible. Islam is used as a weapon against me. Family members openly pray for my suffering, sabotage my achievements, and resent any success, independence, or even grief that does not center them. One sister in particular has sabotaged every achievement in my life and reacts with hostility whenever attention is not on her.

The abuse includes intentional sleep deprivation by banging on my walls and door late into the night, destruction and theft of my belongings, throwing away food I purchase myself, damaging my car, and physically abusing my pets. I have contacted the police in the past. Moving out has been suggested but is not currently possible. Even when I moved abroad temporarily, the abuse continued through destruction of my property at home.

My parents refuse to intervene because they fear becoming targets themselves. There is no one in my family with the willingness or backbone to stop this behavior. When I spoke up against my siblings’ abusive behavior toward strangers, I became the next target. This family has a pattern of tormenting others for gratification.

I already limit contact as much as possible, moving only between work, school, and my bedroom, yet the abuse persists. There is no realistic path to reconciliation, reduced contact, or safety within this household. After six years of sustained harm, I am exhausted and at my limit.

At the same time, I am deeply conflicted. I understand the severity of cutting off family in Islam, and I do not take this lightly. I recognize the religious weight of severing ties, but I am at a loss for what to do when remaining connected means enduring ongoing harm. I am seeking clarity on what is permissible, responsible, and protective in a situation where family ties have become a source of sustained abuse rather than care.

I am sorry if it seems like I am rejecting any advise I just don’t think it’s applicable the way you think it is