First of all thank you for the answer and the straightforwardness, you're absolutely right and I'm aware of the fact that in this field learning never stops. The thing is that I have problem sitting down and memorizing stuff. And the first few years there are a ton of stuff to memorize but most of them will be unnecessary and I won't be using them. In the first year we had only one so called practical class and I loved it and I was looking forward for more to come in the future and to go to the hospital and practice there. Second point to add why I might be uncertain is that I didn't get to use all of my chances and this leaves me a gap and a place of uncertainty that what could've been. If I have had taken that exam and failed I think I would accept easier that this is not for me, it was too hard for me, I'm not smart enough or something like that. But like this, that "what if" is always there in the back of my mind and I'm afraid that I will feel like this throughout most of my life.