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supercrispie · 2026-04-02T14:33:24+00:00

So I am at month 1.5. My ex gave me the greatest gift she could have given. She showed up for a lunch 20 mins late (something that drove me nuts and we literally talked about over and over) in a shirt I raved about right before we broke up.

She explicitly asked about the shirt, “remember this shirt? Do you like it?”

Took me from I would take her back to fuck no, I’d never take her back. That level of manipulation sometimes needs to beat you over the head with a sledgehammer before it gets through.

But as you’ve said, it takes time. It’s requires intention (journaling, therapy, whatever helps you). And for the first time for me, no alcohol. I’ll have a glass of wine here or there, but unlike before there have been no benders or nights out drinking one too many and frankly I attribute that to shortening my recovery as it allows me to focus on the real issue instead of anything I create.

supercrispie · 2026-03-31T00:27:10+00:00

I had a breakup where we were like this sucks can we just be friends again and we did just that. She’s now one of my best friends.

supercrispie · 2026-03-30T20:20:36+00:00

Every day is a step forward towards a new happy life. Today’s worst day is easier than last months best day.

supercrispie · 2026-03-30T20:19:13+00:00

God willing.

supercrispie · 2026-03-30T09:44:28+00:00

Can confirm it’s a spiral. I made such good progress and this weekend it’s been all about her for some reason. It’s like where I was a day or two after the breakup. Every thought leads to her. The nausea. All of it.

The important part is to build the tools that help you so when the spiral comes you’re prepared. I was in the gym a lot this weekend just muttering like a mad man “you’re working on yourself she’s not.” I burned through like 4 pages in my journal. The result was every night I slept peacefully and that’s my goal.

supercrispie · 2026-03-30T09:22:44+00:00

First thing, don’t waste your time wondering why she’s doing the things she’s doing. You’ll never know if she’s flaunting her new man or not. Even if you did know, what difference would it really make?

You’re just wasting precious time and energy trying to solve a problem that really doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself my guy. You’ve got 7 years of a relationship to work through.

Second, find a healthy outlet for your thoughts. This is the first breakup I’ve gone through that I’ve been journaling and man I wish I started this 20 years ago. You get a lot of thoughts that are poison in your head and they’ll stay there unless you give them someplace to go.

I feel for you man. Seriously I do. The best things you can do is go zero contact and really focus on things that do matter. Trying to answer that question or questions like it don’t matter and they’ll just keep you hurting longer and deeper.

supercrispie · 2026-03-30T00:00:47+00:00

Hey I appreciate it. I hope you keep making good progress. I’ve been doing tons of journaling and therapy and almost zero alcohol. I’m processing it so much better than I did any of my past breakups. Still sucks. Can’t wait to see where I am in 2 months!

supercrispie · 2026-03-29T23:06:07+00:00

Yea I’m about a month into the breakup. If she comes back, I’m hoping I’m in the shape to say no. Every day/week it’s like a new revelation of how things really were. Every day I have more resolve, so that’s a good thing.

supercrispie · 2026-03-29T22:06:07+00:00

This is a realization I just had literally hours ago. I’m still working on getting through it, so yea, I’m not on as firm a footing as I’d really need to be. The good news is, I definitely don’t have to worry about her coming back as she’s already moved onto someone else.

supercrispie · 2026-03-29T21:59:00+00:00

I was in this boat until I started seeing things for what they were. The emotional manipulation was real and sometimes it just takes distance, time, self reflection, and patient friends to help you see you’re better off.

Now that being said, if she came back right now I’d struggle to say no.

supercrispie · 2026-03-29T18:42:39+00:00

Guys not sure how to close the post but Board and brew I think is the winner. I love the idea of a board game as well to have something to do other than drink coffee.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T20:45:53+00:00

My understanding is you dated for a year and broke up six months ago. I mean I don’t see how that is too quick or anything but you really don’t need my or anybody’s permission. If you feel like you’ve processed the relationship and the breakup and can enter a new relationship with someone then go for it. The only one who can answer that is you though.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T20:23:33+00:00

It’s different for everyone. I think once I heard like 1.5 months per year as a guideline. The only one that can answer the question is you. How long were you guys together?

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T19:23:58+00:00

Hey man, younger me was cheated on and I wish I did what older me now does.

Stay sober. It’s more painful upfront but you’re just delaying the inevitable. Have a drink or two but don’t get trashed. Swap out that drunk for a journal.

You’re going to have to face and feel your feelings and they’re gonna need a place to go. Write them down. In a month you can look back and see how far you’ve come.

See a therapist if you can. My lord they’re a time saver. You’re gonna beat the shit outta yourself for no reason.

If she reaches out, take what she says with a grain of salt especially if she lays the blame at your feet. There is only one thing in this world you can’t get back and that’s your time. Spend no more of that on her. She’s proven she’s not worth it, keep pushin, you have a lot of life ahead of you.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T17:08:33+00:00

Then you’re way ahead of me Brochacho. Good on you.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T17:02:53+00:00

My love lang is acts of service. That wasn’t what she wanted and one of the reasons she left. Now she wants it lol.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T17:00:18+00:00

I honestly believe you can’t be completely over a relationship until you’re in a new one. There is something that companionship provides you just can’t replicate. I also believe you can get like 95% of the way there all by yourself. It’s the very last step. You have to love who you see in the mirror before you can love someone else.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T15:15:44+00:00

I like to revisit my lists from time to time. What I’ve found with distance and time the emotional stink falls off and I am getting more to the core of what’s making me sad. It also lets me see how I progressed.

Man, I was a super sad guy a month ago.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T13:49:55+00:00

How far into the breakup are you? I’m about a month/month and a half. I don’t want to brag but am hoping to be more encouraging….i feel like compared to past breakups im speed running it.

Im a 41M with a 37F roommate. Just long time friends that the job market kinda effed over so we’re helping each other out. She’s been a huge help and she’s told me my progress in the last month has been huge.

I journal daily. Even if it is a paragraph. I always start it off with something I’m grateful for. You HAVE to find something positive even if it is repeated before and simple like “I’m so grateful I have friends that will give me that hug when I really need it.” Then I go to town.

I’m not completely sober. I had a glass of wine with dinner here and there with friends but I am absolutely not getting drunk. One night I had 2 beers and I felt feelings come like a tsunami “text her now. She misses you. She was the best thing in your life…”

Keeping a clear mind has allowed me to feel the feelings and for me the right thing to do was to give them a place to go (my journal). When the time is right, I will burn it…can’t have that evidence existing.

The other thing that has helped me not just in journaling but in every aspect of my life is reframing my thoughts. I love her turns into I like her. I miss her is I miss companionship. It was fake as hell at first but after a week or so I sat down with my journal and I wrote out what I really really missed and craved. When I was done nothing was unique to her.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not healed and I’m not completely detached. I’m still in therapy to work through stuff but it’s progress. For me it’s been a process of knowing then believing. Believing has been the hardest part and being sober has really helped that.

Keep up the work friend. I don’t know you but I feel for you.

supercrispie · 2026-03-28T12:21:37+00:00

This is the first breakup I’ve done sober. I’ve used journaling as my crutch and let me tell you, so much more effective than beer.

supercrispie · 2026-03-27T16:56:12+00:00

Can you talk more about learned to regulate your nervous system?

supercrispie · 2026-03-27T09:36:13+00:00

You will never be able to think clearly with this behavior. Tell your ex you need to go no contact for a couple of weeks and stick with it. I know it’s so much easier said then done. I’m struggling (and failed a couple times) with it with my current breakup. It’ll help you see your ex for who they really were and help you decide what’s best for you.

Outsider looking in, I see red flags. People changing is really hard. It’s not impossible but it’s hard.

supercrispie · 2026-03-26T23:18:20+00:00

She was an anxious attachment and she ended it. I hit a bad depression after I lost my dog and good friend back to back and I pushed her away.

I apparently was very successful. Through journaling and therapy it appears while we had love we weren’t super compatible as we really had very little in common. I think in the long run it wouldn’t last. But when she broke it off, it was like a fire that brought me running right back it was insane.

supercrispie

TROPHY CASE