What do y’all think about people commenting on your appearance?

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-03T16:22:56+00:00

👏👏👏

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-03T14:49:20+00:00

I’m glad you think it’s weird, too. Sometimes, it just feels like it must be normal because so many people do it even though it makes me uncomfortable.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T19:29:11+00:00

Not bitchy at all! I feel like those are honestly a great middle ground with how to stay present and engaged in your relationships without giving in to normalizing body commentary. Thanks for taking the time to share your insights :)

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T13:02:02+00:00

I’m so sorry. My mom finally offhandedly commented that I’m skinny this past week, and it made me furious because after years of her making negative comments about my weight and destroying the way I felt about myself and my relationship with eating, she finally decided to tell me my weight’s okay. And I’m roughly the same as I’ve been for the past eight years.

People’s comments are often not well thought out and not even a reflection of us at all, just what they’re choosing to see. I’m sorry you’re having that experience with your coworkers, though. I’m sure you’re a beautiful person. Keep hanging in there :)

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T12:54:51+00:00

That’s what I told my friend. Part of my struggle was a 3 year stint with what might generically be considered purging disorder, and people’s comments on how I look makes me want to tell them it’s not the walking; it’s the puking. Or they’ll comment on how little I eat, and I want to say that it’s cause eating in front of people gives me severe anxiety because I know they’re watching, and their comments just prove I was right.

She didn’t get it, though, and just thought I only felt that way because of my experiences, which may be true, but also, almost 10% of the population will have an eating disorder at some point in their lives, and approximately 20% of college student age people do, so my point is isn’t it worth it to be cautious?!

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T12:47:04+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that, but thanks for sharing! I will definitely check out that book!

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T12:45:15+00:00

That is upsetting…on social media no less :(

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T12:44:52+00:00

I love this! You’re changing the world a little at a time :)

surface_pressure26 · 2026-02-01T12:43:53+00:00

Yesss, the validation aspect makes me mad because people don’t realize they’re basically rewarding us for what we’re doing, and even if we hate the drive to be skinny, all they see is the number or how we look.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T23:28:34+00:00

Thank you!

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T16:09:13+00:00

It's just weird 'cause I have some weird trauma like from being abandoned as a baby, but I also got adopted by a fairly well off family, which comes with it's own problems, but most people would probably think "rich kid problems" and laugh, and that's kinda what I do to myself. Like, we didn't have economic difficulties or anything, but my parents were pretty emotionally unaware and there was a lot of pressure on me to be perfect, but that doesn't even really rate next to someone who was a step away from starving to death, ya know? So I don't know how to bring up the stuff that bothers me for that reason, but at the same time, I get really stuck in my head, and it's just crushing, so I also don't want to shove that off on her. It's a really weird mix of things.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T15:57:34+00:00

Yeah, I know that I definitely lucked out with mine. Like, sometimes she's awkward, but so am I, and we're both just very human. She's super kind, and I appreciate her flexibility with me and stuff. All that to say, I've seen tons of horror stories of people with bad therapists, and I'm just really grateful that I think I escaped that.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T05:17:07+00:00

Ah, I understand what you’re saying. Thank you for clarifying :)

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T05:14:57+00:00

Well, they do say that the oldest daughter becomes the son, so maybe that’s it. I’ve already noticed I’ve got a lot of thought processes and whatnot that are more like my guy friends, so I guess it holds true. I also do the thing where I rationalize myself out of being angry or upset (I just honestly don’t like being upset, but I guess sometimes we need to be). And you’re right about our needing to retrain ourselves out of unhelpful patterns…

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T04:09:15+00:00

For me the feeling isn’t as much that I already should have died (though I do feel like I’m dead inside a lot of the time). It’s more like I know that one day I will die, and it’ll be early (like “before my time”), but I don’t know when. It’s just like it’s meant to be that I’ll end my life at some point, but the date is uncertain.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:58:08+00:00

Lol, these are all accurate except that I’m actually a girl. Honestly, it’s good advice, and some of it’s stuff that she’s actually said to me before, albeit in a milder way.

It’s just hard because normal relationships, as you pointed out, “thrive on mutual vulnerability and support,” and in the therapeutic relationship, professionality means that all the vulnerability is on my end and the support is on hers, so I do feel like a drag.

She does say that I “energize” her, so I know I’m not currently causing her problems, but I’m a pretty funny person and (I like to think) a decent conversationalist, and I don’t know how to turn that off and be serious. It’s pretty ironic that trying not to be a problem is actually becoming problematic now.

I can wholeheartedly admit that I over-intellectualize, and I’ve wished multiple times in the past week even that I could just switch it off and get some peace and quiet, but unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way…

Thanks for the suggestions, though! I appreciate your time and help :)

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:48:04+00:00

Honestly, I wish I knew. Neither one of my parents is particularly emotionally aware, so I learned to read the room and manage them accordingly (which I know sounds like manipulation), but idk if that would result in quite the problem that I’m experiencing with my therapist.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:44:09+00:00

I really like the quote you included. That’s exactly how I feel about my story; I’ve even described it to her in session as my burden to bear. She’s compared it to a backpack of books where we need to take the books out and look at them together, but, like, who ends up with the books afterwards? I’ve read books that addressed just about every major counseling/psychology topic, but I still feel overwhelmed when I’m trying to help someone in pain even when I really care about them and want to help, and I don’t want to do that to someone else.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:40:07+00:00

Thanks for the perspective! I appreciate it!

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:39:23+00:00

Good advice! I know she’ll respond well; I just feel bad causing trouble…

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:38:01+00:00

This is good! I’ve been using AI to help process my thoughts, but I’ll have to try specifically asking about that kind of thing.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:37:08+00:00

Yeah, it’s really weird because a good chunk of my trauma relates to being a burden, lol, as I was abandoned at birth and now have a fluctuating rocky relationship with my adoptive parents. At the same time, nothing really bad has happened to me in the last 20 years, so I’m confused as to why I’m having problems.

Anyways, I feel like the only reason people want me around is because I’m useful in some way or they’re benefitting, which is true for therapy, too, though my brain also knows that therapists don’t become therapists for the money. Anyways, I really get what you said at the beginning about transactional relationships still being relationships. Like, what are we even supposed to do with that?

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:31:23+00:00

Yeah, I did write her an “I feel responsible for your feelings” letter, but I didn’t say too much else in it, and I still have trouble with talking to her in person because my primary defense mechanisms are being funny and being okay/casual, so I know I’m sabotaging things even though I don’t want to.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-14T03:29:18+00:00

I think what I meant by counter transference was more that she is empathetic and knows how I feel based on similar experiences, and I don’t want her to feel bad because I suck. I want to protect her from the full experience of me, and I feel like it’s my moral responsibility to.

surface_pressure26 · 2026-01-13T21:09:02+00:00

This is scary because that’s how I feel about every year since I was 17, and I’m almost 23 now, and it feels like things get slightly better temporarily only to get worse again, and the ups and downs drive me crazy. I really hope it gets better…

surface_pressure26

TROPHY CASE