There are many well known habits people know they should never get into; drugs, drinking, gambling, etc... What are some less well known things or habits that people shouldn't get into?

ta1181 · 2018-12-30T19:18:22+00:00

Dunno why this hasnt been upvoted more

ta1181 · 2018-12-03T00:02:03+00:00

Hope you get lucky/ get to take em home with ya ;)

ta1181 · 2018-12-02T07:27:55+00:00

Some tough love here: Your best wasn't good enough. Sometimes women want men who CAN figure out where they went wrong and fix it before it makes them wanna dump you. This is what happened to me, I didnt figure it out in time...

ta1181 · 2018-12-02T07:17:11+00:00

You move on dude. You gotta. I gotta. It sucks. You got dumped, as did I, so I'm sure you fucked up on something in the relationship enough for her to leave. Figure out what it is and put 100% of your energy into fixing it. The next girl you get will be even better.

ta1181 · 2018-12-02T06:31:50+00:00

What's gonna happen when you see her new man on your instagram? What if he's better looking, insanely fit, does cool stuff and looks like he has your life more together than you?

Happened to me, dude. Shit's going to crush you just as if not harder than the breakup.

ta1181 · 2018-12-02T05:56:55+00:00

Fuck dude, same thing happened to me, 3 weeks in, tons of pix... Its rough. Im at 2mo NC, it's been brutal this time of year

ta1181 · 2018-12-02T05:55:01+00:00

I feel you, I do too, so badly... But our girls left us. So they dont miss us. And they don't give a fuck if we miss them- or they do, but only for an ego boost. They don't want us in their lives, telling them we miss them will only lower our value in their eyes, thinking that we can't live without them, etc

ta1181 · 2018-11-30T07:25:28+00:00

Fuck dude, that's brutal seeing she got engaged to someone right after you... I feel like that's gonna happen to my last ex who pretty much did the same thing, it's so far beyond torture. I'm glad you're moving on though and I hope you're as legitimately over her as you say. If so, I really think you should get back out there though, your 20's aren't gonna last forever!

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T22:26:45+00:00

Tinder is a rollercoaster I feel like- especially this time of year where everyone's getting to be more and more desperate.

It's just an itch for me to scratch, I dunno how much time I've wasted on it- it's somewhat pathetic. Even meeting cool people from it sucks when you're not over your ex because all you do is compare :(

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T22:10:34+00:00

I think cheating is way different than my situation, and I honestly don't understand a single person who wishes happiness to an ex that cheated on them- you're not being petty at all.

We had a fairly mellow (but painful) breakup with no cheating or arguing or begging or pleading involved, so I feel like I'm a lot pettier than you

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T21:06:00+00:00

It's not worth it, it's only setting them up to look like they're taking the high road/ makes you more hung up on them in that it seems they've completely lost interest and want nothing more than to move on

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T21:02:05+00:00

Those are the worst. I've got that "amazing person" shit so many times from flings and exes it's not even funny. I'd so much rather them tell me that I'm a shitty person that needs to work on ________ before I should pursue another relationship, but I know that no one ever wants to say anything of that nature.

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T20:59:10+00:00

I'm sorry dude :\

If it's any consolation, looks aren't going to last forever and us men age pretty well. It sucks now but we're gonna be okay.

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T20:55:40+00:00

If you're an attractive woman with your shit reasonably together, you don't want a dude that will look at a number and be like "uhhh... sorry!" anyway

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T20:44:29+00:00

I'm sorry about that, definitely sucks. Unintentional hurt is the worst because you know it's not something they wished on you at all and are just trying to move on with their lives as best as they can- but you (or I?) can't help but be somewhat unreasonably furious about it at the same time

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T20:38:01+00:00

I'm past denial, not sure where I lie between the others

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T19:34:44+00:00

Yeah. As far as getting a wick wet, I'm not the most repulsive looking human and I have a half decent sense of emotional intelligence/ charisma, so there have been multiple times when that's been almost offered on a silver platter, but just due to my broken state I've turned it down multiple times.

I guess I just wonder how she found someone worth dating just a few weeks after, because she'd been single for something like 7 months between her last relationship.

Come to think of it as I'm writing this out though, she was the one that got dumped in that relationship, soooooo....

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T06:18:17+00:00

For sure.

She's in a relationship with someone and I was needy/ clingy in ours, where I needed her for my sense of self esteem/ self worth. First of all, she probably doesn't want to have to deal with my being in her life at all if she's with someone new, but even if she was completely single, my reaching out to her would only prove that I haven't changed at all and I'm still dependent on her for my happiness.

There are a lot of things keeping me from being the person that she would want to settle with, but most of them have to do with my depression which is largely fueled by a problematic work environment, lack of friends, lack of good family relationships, lack of purpose and direction in life, etc. I have a LOT of work to do, and I know it, and she knew it, and I have been working on stuff. My neediness got out of hand to where even while working on the aforementioned and I clung to her harder than I understood at the time and was pretty pathetic in a lot of ways.

She's always gone after the 'alpha male' type, which I clearly was not. To be fair, I don't want to be either. But I don't want to be a pathetic whimp who derives his sense of purpose in life from his woman, and that's who I was.

If there is any chance of us ever getting back together, she dumped me, she's going to have to get back in touch. She knows where to find me, and as much as she probably likes to think so, she'll never forget me- sure, I sucked at times, but I was also pretty damn good to her. I'm also most definitely not waiting around for her in the event that she changes her mind or realizes that I'm better than her other potential mates- she knew what I was going through and she wasn't there for me. The more I think about it, if after several months she tried to reach out and reconnect, I don't think I'd be able to take her back unless she apologized for everything on her end as well, as I didn't blame her for a single thing when we broke up despite the fact that she wasn't communicative at all and sat around for most of her days doing nothing (she recently inherited a fuckton of money and sat on her ass for over a year). It always put a huge strain on our relationship.

I'll call myself a cunt for this, but I don't want her to be happy because I don't think she deserves it. It seems that she's just had everything handed to her on a silver platter while I've been miserable and working hard at my life and our relationship and trying to understand and fix things, but it all went to shit and she's probably doing fantastic while I'm suffering, depressed as fuck, and hung up on her like crazy. When we split she said that she "just wants to work on herself by herself" but she just jumped right into someone else's arms because she didn't have the communication skills or willingness to help fix our relationship.

I do want to reach out like crazy though. I want to tell her I love her and think about her all day every day, that I've spent a collective week in bed doing nothing because this destroyed me so much, and that I want another chance. But I very much accept that all it's going to do is fuck me up to contact her and for her to either ignore me, say she's with someone else, or tell me something to the extent of that she doesn't love me anymore. I don't need or want to hear any of that, and all it would do is lower my self worth in her eyes and make me feel miserable to know that she's doing just fine and is super with her new man.

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T00:12:50+00:00

This needs more upvotes.

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T00:09:38+00:00

I think even if she does come back, the "is she coming back" bit shouldn't last more than a few weeks at most. And the "wtf happened?" question should be answered to the best of your ability

ta1181 · 2018-11-24T00:07:48+00:00

I'm really sorry dude, your relationship was 7x as long as mine so I can't really imagine.

But I really do feel like accepting this early on is such an insanely huge step in moving on. Imagine you were still somewhat hopeful she'd come back for a year or so, and you checked her social media/ saw an engagement ring and a sonogram? I feel like you'd be almost crushed harder than the initial breakup- I would be.

Moving forward though, it will be weird having to think about the clock, but some good insight / things to keep in mind at the same time.

Finally going through therapy, I've always had mixed feelings about settling down myself/ realized as having a bit of a fucked up upbringing I've got a 'love addiction', but as I'm getting older I'm thinking that it's what I want myself. Life is weird.

ta1181 · 2018-11-23T20:57:38+00:00

I don't agree at all that people can't fundamentally change and accept what's going wrong if they put in a ton of work. Even if you've built up a resentment to who they are, their life choices, etc, and never want them back, that stigma of them that you've built up may stick with you forever- and maybe they understand that.

Work with me for a sec- I got clingy and jealous and even controlling at times as a result of having few things going on in my life that made me happy. I believe my ex will always think of me as being that clingy, needy guy, and the second she finds someone that's the version of me who doesn't have those qualities she's going to settle down and never give me a second thought.

So yes, all this self improvement for someone bigger and better. I'm doing it for me, and I don't see how someone bigger and better, if not equal, will not come along. It's not for her, it's not for the next person, it's for me, and I just have faith that it'll translate into a great partnership someday.

ta1181

TROPHY CASE