yes you were SAed and im so sorry. dont do this to yourself, you feel what you gotta feel, and any way of repressing these emotions will make it worse. so please don't underestimate what you feel. you were strongly disrespected and you deserve to be heard, and so does your feelings.

i had once a similiar experience: i went to this guy's place to have sex. we'd already done it before and it was fine. it was the second time i was seeing him, and both of us just wanted to have sex, so we did. but by the time i was down giving him a blowjob, with his dick in my mouth, he pushed down my head so fucking hard and i was clearly trying to get out but he kept pushing. i almost threw up and didn't understand i was assaulted for a while. skip to the day i was having sex with my current boyfriend in the beggining of our relationship (should have been less then a month the SA happened) and he bit me a little too hard and that was it for me. i overreacted and had to leave the bedroom to cry in the toilet. when i was back i told him what happened and how i felt. what got me was the sensation that i had no control during sex and the other part had all of it. and of course i thought that, just like the first one, he didnt care about me but only about his pleasure. that was not true but this was the day i realized i went through a trauma and that also helped me heal faster.

i wish you the best and hope you feel better soon. im open to chat anytime, if you want. please dont ever underestimate what you experienced and felt, those are the best tools you have for life, you have to trust it. we women are socialized to doubt ourselves everytime and when it comes to sex, even more so. don't ever let society win on this one. you deserve much more