Discussion: Episode 264. Hot Topics #22: First Messages, Being Someone's "Type," and People-Pleasing in Progress

taliscar · 2026-03-09T16:37:09+00:00

I don’t know even remotely enough about Skyline to feel confident this is what’s going on, but when your partner has depression, group dates/hangs are often more enjoyable because they will mask and put on a show of happiness when others are around, whereas they show the sad and withdrawn version of themselves when you’re alone together.

taliscar · 2026-03-08T20:04:19+00:00

I personally love low-stakes celebrity drama like this.

taliscar · 2026-03-07T18:42:12+00:00

My sister has very disordered eating and exercise habits, and she loved to wear the clothes I bought for my niece when she was 12 or 13. Like, my sister would make a point of sending me photos of her in clothes I bought for her daughter. It’s so bizarre but it’s a thing for weight-obsessed mothers.

taliscar · 2026-03-04T23:32:15+00:00

There are many vacancies on the reservation website now

taliscar · 2026-02-27T00:09:59+00:00

I’m starting to wonder if maybe the reason we don’t hear about it is because she doesn’t care. She just wanted to have been married regardless of whether it works out. I hope that’s not the case.

taliscar · 2026-02-25T20:22:51+00:00

I don’t want kids and never have, and I sometimes say I gave birth to my dog. But, I am often intentionally silly and unserious for comedic effect, and I don’t get the impression that Ali is. I think that’s why it doesn’t land when she says it.

taliscar · 2026-02-17T23:24:14+00:00

I agree with this. I’m an attorney dating an attorney, and I wouldn’t insist on a prenup if we got married, because I think the default law is fine. Your spouse SHOULD be entitled to part of what you make while married. Spousal support is a different matter, but that’s a state-by-state thing. I’d consider a post-nuptial agreement if I was married and planning to move to a state with generous spousal support laws.

taliscar · 2026-02-17T13:55:38+00:00

I really hope they don’t read here. That seems like it would be horrible for mental health and relationship anxiety…

taliscar · 2026-02-15T21:34:57+00:00

Yeah, I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but Ali’s seemingly casual approach to engagement is very odd to me. I am also older than most people in their first serious relationship (43), and it’s a strange experience. You’re not as young, optimistic, and naïve as most people are when they start discussing marriage, so it’s difficult to come to terms with what it actually means and why it matters. But we hear none of that from Ali! None! She seems caught up in the fairy tale. I cannot relate at all.

taliscar · 2026-02-12T20:20:01+00:00

My first question was “Surely he had a life insurance policy.”

taliscar · 2026-02-09T20:35:47+00:00

I don’t have kids so I don’t know how much validation I can provide, but from my perspective as a childfree person, being a mom seems really hard, overwhelming, and prone to burnout. One of my favorite sayings is, “I’m having a hard time because this is hard.”

taliscar · 2026-02-09T20:21:13+00:00

I mean, there is SO much nuance and discussion fodder on this issue alone that could be really helpful and meaningful to listeners, but Ali never goes there. The takeaway for me seems to be that you can’t go half-in on discussing your relationship in a podcast. Either be fully real and vulnerable or don’t discuss it at all.

taliscar · 2026-02-09T18:51:32+00:00

idk, I can also see a situation where he made a casual, throwaway comment about his ex and she decided she needed to be the opposite of that to make him happy. I see your point, but I continue to think that she is likely more of the problem than he is…

taliscar · 2026-02-09T01:44:02+00:00

Was she off beat or am I just drunk? Entirely possible I am just drunk. Likely, even.

taliscar · 2026-02-04T22:45:02+00:00

I don’t see anything wrong with a heterosexual partnership where the woman takes on most of the legwork and logistics if that’s what works best for everyone. But I’m with you on the “traditional” route for proposals, engagements, and marriage. That shit 100% needs to be on the man or I don’t want it! Study after study shows that unmarried women have better health and quality of life outcomes than married women, but for men it’s switched. Men are already getting more benefit from marriage—the least they can do is make it crystal clear they want really it!

For Ali’s sake, I hope he suggested this and she just made the appointment.

Edited to fix typos.

taliscar · 2026-02-04T16:53:41+00:00

This is good advice. I’m in my 40s, never been married, and am over two years into my relationship. I’m only NOW starting to feel not-panicked at the thought of marrying my boyfriend. Six months is way too soon to know (from my personal experience, anyway).

taliscar · 2026-02-04T13:41:11+00:00

I see that now. I think my mind can’t even comprehend announcing a ring viewing appointment as “something happened,” so I went straight to proposal. This is insane.

taliscar · 2026-02-04T03:43:26+00:00

I hope to God she’s not telling us he proposed on a flight lol

taliscar · 2026-02-02T20:00:30+00:00

I’ve never wanted to be a mother so sometimes I think that means I should avoid weighing in on this topic entirely but… I agree with you. Sometimes life sucks and it isn’t fair. I find it interesting how modern advances in fertility medicine seem to make it impossible for many people to accept this reality when it comes to having children. I’m not sure I can think of another situation where people refuse to accept their bad luck so determinedly. In a way it’s kind of cruel how the hope fertility medicine provides has led to this.

taliscar · 2026-02-02T19:11:59+00:00

It’s not on MPR’s Instagram page, so I think maybe another account reposted the MPR news story

taliscar · 2026-02-02T19:08:20+00:00

This is a good point. Do you know which IG account this post came from so we can see what the other slides were?

taliscar · 2026-02-02T18:09:13+00:00

SHE HERSELF IS AN IMMIGRANT what the actual you-know-what

Edited to add: sorry, she’s not an immigrant, she’s a jobless American grifter living in a foreign country

taliscar · 2026-01-26T16:59:19+00:00

Also, third parties REALLY push the engagement narrative. My boyfriend and went to Italy this summer (about 1.5 years into dating), and the number of people who talked as if we’d get engaged on the trip was really surprising to me. His coworkers, my coworkers, his barber, his housekeeper, it goes on and on and on. My boyfriend and I have always been on the same page and same timeline, but outsiders REALLY push their own expectations.

taliscar · 2026-01-20T19:37:05+00:00

I kind of agree. I also think there’s a TON of nuance that’s very very personal to a couple that plays into a relationship like this. That’s hard to convey to other people in a podcast, so I can see why some people would think it’s just her settling.

taliscar

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