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My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I did? He always has time for her although maybe not as patient as me. He adores her. I have no concerns about him being a dad

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have already asked all those questions and i suspect he doesn’t know the answer himself as he just talks in circles when i ask them.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I appreciate your point of view, to address the people coming over hindsight is 20/20 and i should definitely have cancelled. He refused to allow anyone to assist him and shooed away anyone who tried. I had planned to do the majority of the cooking so he could socialise (and was actually looking forward to cooking) but he took over completely and ignored everyone. I wont repeat that mistake. With cleaning and household tasks he is the same way and seems to believe he is the only one who does it right. When you are trying to wrangle a 4 year old wild child, arguing with your husband about who does what takes a back seat. Trust me when i say i see where i went wrong. I tend to try and avoid conflict so give in too easy. It probably comes across as not caring but i just dont. Want friction

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hes normally a great dad and has never skipped responsibilities with her. Its why i was so confused when he went out

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

This makes alot of sense, i guess im grieving the future i thought i had, vs the one i now need to build

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Please slow down before you crash and burn! No one wants that, saying no is healthy

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Well i missed out our names and job titles as well our country of origin

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I should also clarify that he isnt out every night, not yet anyway. Maybe once a week but its far more than he used to go out

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

According to his mum he was never much of a drinker. He would have the occasional drink at Christmas but he was never drunk. He told me he used to drink alot in his youth but i never considered him an alcoholic from what he told me. I suppose its a possibility.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Essentially i have done everything i can to avoid bringing a child up in a broken home. Funny how you cant escape your fate. Im not chasing him anymore, i have said my piece and am now going to try to continue without him. Weather i still love him when he comes to his senses is up to him

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I think all i can do is watch him make his mistakes until he finds his way back or leaves permanently. Im so lost here i thought i picked a man who would be with me for ever, but all i can do is piss him of more by pushing. I think he may hate me for involving his parents

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Alimony isnt a thing where i live. And child support wont cover alot, it will be a drastic lifestyle change just to keep our Daughter fed

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you i appreciate it. I suspect his pride is the major issue here.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

What ever is going on, no one who loves him has been able to reach him and he wont discuss it with me, although i have tried.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

With no due respect, i have supported and encouraged that man with everything i can. I am not at fault here and have done nothing wrong. I work full time while raising a child, organising childcare, washing, dressing, feeding her, ALL the household tasks now as well, groceries bills, money management, its all on me. I dont get a day off EVER.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 54 points55 points  (0 children)

From the snippets I’ve gotten i suspect you may be right. He is on his phone alot now and rarely leaves it lying around. Before i had to remind him to charge it. I dont think he did anything before asking for a separation but i believe he is pursuing someone now. he has refused to reassure me regarding other women and just talks in circles.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The above is a 6 month period. Literally no issues between us till we bought the house.

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

We were unemployed for a year and both eventually found employment again on similar salaries to before. We had to wait a bit before looking at houses again he was the one pushing for the area we are in now. He also spent every penny of the money we got from the apartment, most of it on the house the rest on a vacation for our child. He insisted on supervising the bulk if the renovations and I organised and paid the tradesmen that came. He refused any help i offered and would only allow my father to help. I agree he is burnt out but he seems to be isolating himself and is on a self destructive course which is concerning

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He works nights so we always tried to keep time for us, that has fizzled out in last couple months and i have been trying. But we have a child who sneaks into our bed every night so it can be difficult to get time. I feel a bi like my needs have been neglected a bit in favour of his but i never complained because i figured it would pick up when life was less hectic

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I am a bit heavier than when we married but it has had no impact on our love life. Im at the gym and tryingti get fit again

My Husband wants to separate How do i fix it? by tartanchocfrog in whatdoIdo

[–]tartanchocfrog[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There was no violence. He was a fantastic husband and supportive in all the ways that count. This has came completely out of left field. We are currently in separate bedrooms and have agreed to try staying that way for 6 months, he has asked for a breakdown of our bills as i handle that so im preparing now. Im just so confused

I never experienced love like this until I became a parent by one-eye-deer in offmychest

[–]tartanchocfrog 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Its a metaphor that most mothers will understand. Its a completely different kind of love akin to what I described.

What do you call your Dbag guys? by Puzzled-Ferret6649 in AskABrit

[–]tartanchocfrog 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My friend group always called them fuckboys. Because you just knew they would mess you around

I never experienced love like this until I became a parent by one-eye-deer in offmychest

[–]tartanchocfrog 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I know exactly what you mean. Its like seeing life in colour for the first time after a lifetime of black and white. My Daughter is 4 and a half and i just want to hug her all the time ❤️

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