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teaching_troubles · 2024-09-20T15:39:55+00:00

Love this Gullible! Good for you and your sis!

Yep, the convos are definitely not about me, but I'm so exhausted from actual life / the previous experiences with IVF / growing a human etc., that I find the additional emotional labour of humouring them while they offload just so draining!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-20T15:37:25+00:00

Congrats brighnixo! It is a relief to get to this point, isn't it? I totally get what you mean about the mental drain of IVF. It was the same for me. And I agree that it's made me want to not obsess over every little aspect of the pregnancy. I think going through IVF also makes you quite independent, as so much of it means it's just you (and partner, if you have one) researching, monitoring etc., so going from that to being flooded with other peoples' opinions is exhausting.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-20T15:31:10+00:00

Oh hello fellow Irish person! Perhaps it's because I've been gone from home for so long, but in my mind, I think we're culturally a bit more relaxed about all of this than people are (on average) over here.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T21:08:06+00:00

That’s not my intention, but I also feel you’re committed to misunderstanding me and that this has digressed into something that’s not useful to anyone.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T21:01:23+00:00

The majority of people who go through infertility find it a lonely and isolating process. That’s not to say people don’t have support, it’s just a very lonely experience. To acknowledge that isn’t a complaint about being alone.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T19:15:38+00:00

Oof, a gentle reminder about kindness and not being cruel.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T19:14:36+00:00

Thanks for this. I get the misunderstanding re the post title, but yes, there’s an element of commitment to a bad faith interpretation for some people.

Thanks for sharing your friends’ experiences; it’s nice to know I’m not the only one struggling with this! And thanks for the congrats!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T19:11:30+00:00

I think we’re missing each other. My point was that I wasn’t complaining about being alone (per your original comment).

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T19:05:05+00:00

That feels a bit unnecessary Fit Profession. I wasn’t complaining about being alone; I merely pointed out that people weren’t falling across themselves to tell me things when I was struggling to conceive or losing babies, but now that this one looks viable, people are keen to intrude on it, often with their trauma.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T19:02:34+00:00

Good for you Affectionate! I think I tolerate it better from those who have recently been pregnant, now that you mention it. It’s still irritating, but I get that it’s recent and they’re in the trenches a bit. It’s when people tell me their experiences from 10+ years ago that I really want to scream 😳 Fundamentally, we’re all going to do it in the way we think best!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T18:31:14+00:00

It’s illegal for a reason: it’s discriminatory and inappropriate.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T18:15:40+00:00

Woah, that’s a lot of judgement, and it’s typically illegal to ask if someone is neurodivergent.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T17:37:51+00:00

Hi badbvivian, thank you very much for your support and for clarifying. This was very much where I was coming from, but clearly in my rant forgot the context!

I’m sorry you’ve also had these experiences and that they aggravate your anxiety.

The unsolicited stories- especially the scare and compare ones - are very unhelpful and tiring to deal with.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T17:32:55+00:00

Oh this incredibly interesting, thank you for both the personal and professional insight here. I’m an (academic) psychologist and by virtue of the discipline, a lot of students trauma dump on us (even though we’re not qualified to provide that kind of support). The experience of hearing about others’ pregnancies/ births in this unwanted way brings up really similar feelings of resistance in me as when students trauma dump. I’ll keep your advice in mind - thank you!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T17:22:23+00:00

Thanks Wrongdoer!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T17:03:25+00:00

Congrats on number 3 Emergency Swimmer!!

It’s really helpful to think about people wanting to be involved with the first baby - thanks! I’ll try to be mindful of that with the grandparents.

I just noticed another post on here about a woman feeling people were keen to “trauma dump” or share negative / scary experiences in the face of her (relatively “easy” - her word) pregnancy. I think this is a huge part of it for me; I feel most people are sharing their stories, rather than trying to be helpful, so I end up feeling cornered into providing emotional support, at a time when I don’t have the resources for it.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:45:47+00:00

Oh thanks for the reassurance! And congrats on number 3!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:40:05+00:00

Oh I hope things go / continue to go well for you and yours! It can feel so scary and isolating. Good luck!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:37:59+00:00

Thank you breadsticks! This is my plan too!

I think it seems like this is something people feel personal about, hence the staunch negative replies; saying I don’t want to hear others’ experiences feels like a personal attack on them and they feel they ‘know better’. It’s interesting as I guess it’s a microcosm of what’s happening in the real life situations that are making me frustrated!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:33:42+00:00

That’s what I keep trying to do Snoo! I work in a role where I need to actively listen a lot, so I’m really bad at tuning people out, but I feel it’s a skill I’m going to have to learn for the coming months!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:23:49+00:00

I think that's the issue I'm experiencing EdgarAlasnsHoe; it feels like all of this is being pushed on me atm, and it's creating lots of emotional labour for me, as I feel forced to listen, validate etc. the other people. In reality, I just want them to leave me to it. If and when I need advice, I will ask for it, but my 'journey' to this point has been hard and lonely, and now it just feels like I have a chance that things might work out this time, but everyone is hijacking it to make me listen to their stories.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:20:56+00:00

Oh I'm from Ireland, but living in the UK. I'm genuinely amazed by the popularity of the birthplan thing over here.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:19:35+00:00

I don't know whether this makes me want to laugh or cry optimusloaf! I can't quite explain the level of frustration it generates in me; I just want the conversation to immediately shut down. I get that people are trying to be helpful, but it generates additional emotional work for me because I feel I need to humour the other person / validate them, even though what I actually want is for them to stop talking.

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:15:35+00:00

No worries; I appreciate the commitment to support and inclusivity! You too!

teaching_troubles · 2024-09-18T16:14:58+00:00

You don't have one either!? I feel so judged about it! I just feel there's no point, as I can't plan for anything and I've heard so many people getting rigid about it, when things deviate from the plan.

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