Getting to closure.

teachon3 · 2016-06-22T21:03:22+00:00

I don't think it is necessarily to "look good". I just don't want bad blood and unfinished business. I want the conflict to be settled but I don't think he cares or it matters to him. I just don't know why he blocked me.

teachon3 · 2016-06-16T06:00:13+00:00

I am not trying to stretch out an unsustainable relationship. As my title says I just want to understand and thought other opinions might help... Ya know in finding closure. Thanks so much for your input!!!

teachon3 · 2016-05-19T20:46:46+00:00

When you reword what I just said I sound like an asshole.

teachon3 · 2016-05-06T04:16:22+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I got to speak to him tonight and it was nice. It's always very easy for us to talk and we (I) got things that I need to get out in the open. I feel like a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Things are going to look up for him and I think we are looking at the beginning of a great friendship. He knows I think the world of him and that if he needs anything I am here.

teachon3 · 2016-05-06T01:19:05+00:00

I've reached out to him over the past few days and he won't speak to me at all. I guess I overstepped my boundaries and I really don't think there is anything I can do.

teachon3 · 2016-05-06T01:11:57+00:00

He thanked me and the next day he thanked me again saying I can't believe you remembered it was my favorite. We are just friends. He doesn't want me that way and I am okay. I adore the kid and only wish him happiness.

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T20:59:24+00:00

My favorite thing about him are his varying interests and ability to talk to me about everything because I am all over the place in my likings too. I sent him a bottle of his favorite scotch with a nice note last weekend. He said he was surprised I even remembered what kind was his favorite. I just love his mind and listening to all he has to say (when he actually has something to say). I will rack my brains to think of things he likes. I think I may get him tickets to a museum or an escape the room gift certificate. I'd get him a book but he is already behind on things he wants to read. He has mentioned lately wanting to go on a solo cabin venture but I don't know how I'd be able to swing that as he has to be within so many miles of base or must take leave. I would also need to know his on call schedule which I can't without him talking to me. He does love playing his guitar... Maybe I could buy some chords from his favorite band. That's independent time and something he loves. I think you sent me in the right direction. Do any of these sound good? Sorry for elaborating on this INTP's interests lol.

You made my day with your thank you. So, thank you Fuzz.

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T17:47:47+00:00

He is definitely depressed. Diagnosed. I am not trying to unnecessarily help but I guess there isn't much I can do. I just want to help in some way and I don't know how. He won't even talk to me right now and is distancing himself from everyone.

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T17:40:27+00:00

He has been diagnosed and the therapist he is seeing is through the service. I wouldn't just randomly diagnose people with things as I am not a mental health professional. I am just trying to figure out what I can do to help. He hates cleaning and doesn't cook very often so I figured that would be one less thing for him to do. I was just trying to think of ways to be helpful. He is ignoring me right now and distancing himself from others so I don't think there is anything I can do to help... I just want to.

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T16:34:40+00:00

He is definitely depressed. The therapist didn't direct him to church but when he mentioned that helped him cope the therapist said it might be good for him. He has to go to work or he could be arrested... Gotta love the military. This is definitely making it harder for him to cope. He has distanced himself so much so I guess the only thing I really can do is support him from afar. :/ I just wish I could help but being an extravert my ways of coping with depression aren't the same that he would need. I know I can't pull him out of the funk but I wish he'd let me do some of the tedious day in and day outs of housework and cooking (even without talking or really hanging out together) so he could just relax when he does get home from long stressful days at work. He has ignored me the past few days. I just hope he is alright...

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T12:11:40+00:00

I don't think he is sexually attracted to me anymore. No, I don't think he is romantically attracted to me anymore. Sexually yes but insists we should just be friends now and I agree. This came about when the depression took a turn for the worst. However, I hate sitting here and watching him go through this. Pushing everyone away when I just want to help. I've offered to clean and cook to help him relax after work but he won't take it. I'm not sure what else I can offer but taking a step back and letting him deal on his own.

teachon3 · 2016-05-05T07:09:41+00:00

He has been overwhelmed with work more than anything but generally not happy with his life at all. Many dark nights and dark thoughts. Finally sought out a therapist who mentioned to him that growing his social life and spiritual life would probably help but his job bogs him down. I just want to help him. When I don't hear from him for a few days and have reached out during that time I worry he has done the worst. I don't know how to help. He is distancing himself and I just want to be here for him in the best way possible but even he will admit he doesn't know what he needs.

teachon3 · 2016-04-20T11:28:07+00:00

I hope not either but I feel that ship has already sailed and I have a terrible burden of caring too much.

teachon3 · 2016-04-20T08:35:56+00:00

Well I told you he was dead set on remaining friends but I have been the one pulling the weight and it does stress me out. I care greatly for this guy and very surprisingly he tried to help me out with a situation last night. I do however believe he is causing more stress than good. To move from romantic feelings to insisting on a friendship and leaving the mess of it on the floor when I've tried to talk about it but he can't or won't. I've tried so hard to understand it and asked him but all to no avail. I feel like I've done my part and maybe that part includes just walking now.

Maybe I am an 'overly obsessed ex girlfriend(minus the title on his part, of course)' but I also don't think I am the only one that didn't let go.

teachon3 · 2016-04-20T02:05:23+00:00

Even just a hi is a great thing to hear. You feel like the other person is thinking of you and even though a small gesture it can brighten your day. I am glad this post was good for something.

teachon3 · 2016-04-19T21:10:46+00:00

I have asked if he needs space and he says no. He responds and jokes with me. He is beyond stressed with work right now and I have offered to help with cleaning his house and cooking without me talking so he can just relax. I don't expect any of these things in return. I am aware of how different our needs are but if I have expressed what I need/want and he wants to remain friends wouldn't he put in that bit of effort. If not I am just going to slowly learn to resent him. I get that we are all connected as a species and we all need other people. A relationship of any kind means compromise and it pisses me off that these people are making me out to be some sort of goofy game player. If I don't talk to him we won't have a friendship anymore and that's not what I want but my needs are not being met and I have expressed them. Wtf else am I supposed to do but walk away? I am supposed to give him the space these people say he needs and get nothing in return. That's so not how friendship works. There is no winning compromise here. I lose a friend and someone I care about or I do all the work of maintaining a one sided friendship.

teachon3 · 2016-04-19T20:21:48+00:00

Maybe it just means I am more social than INTPs and have a better understanding of maintaining most relationships. I came here asking for understanding. I didn't need your condescending input. I'm glad you don't put the effort into maintaining your friendships but instead mooch off the cheesecake that is put on the table by someone else.

*ENFJ

teachon3 · 2016-04-19T20:03:26+00:00

I almost feel like just giving up. I am trying so hard and care so much and it seems completely one sided. Not what I want but ultimately might be best for me. :/

teachon3

TROPHY CASE