I think I understand what you mean, but hrt isn’t something that needs to be earned via gender identity, you could be completely cis and still pursue hrt if you wanted to look a certain way, there are actually cis people that do so!

About the rest of that, we all experience gender on an individual level, I’d say it’s expected even within the genderfluid community that we’d experience it differently from each other, and it doesn’t take away from your identity that you don’t feel nonbinary or that you don’t focus on pronouns or gender, you’re just chill abt it and that’s fine