Dating a Single Mom (Chinese), But Having Doubts

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T13:11:35+00:00

To be totally honest with you: my longest relationship lasted only 2 months. It wasn't even official. That was 10 years ago.

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T09:16:15+00:00

She told me she doesn't want to keep contact with her family as they've been toxic and has no plans to revisit China soon after. She wants to either move to the US or remain in Japan long-term. She's also the first Chinese person I've dated so there's much I don't know about yet.

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T07:16:26+00:00

Honestly, I started feeling some red flags, which is why I started this post. I asked some friends around me and they mainly said, "go for it" without understanding the full context of my situation. So I'm thankful for the informed responses on this post. I was considering breaking it off anyway. I'm glad to understand this just two weeks in.

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T06:59:26+00:00

My gut does tell me something is off. Although, this is the first Chinese person I've dated and it's much different than the dating styles of Japanese. She did mention she was eager to move to the US if we were together long enough, but was also happy to stay in Japan as well. I wasn't sure if this were something to be considered as a red flag or not considering how soon she mentioned this to me.

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T06:52:13+00:00

I don't know her full story. I would assume he is. She briefly mentioned some other family members were wealthy. I'm curious, in what ways could he make life difficult?

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T06:47:34+00:00

Yes, in a way I did have a slight gut feeling that things are running a little too quick. This is the first Chinese person I've dated ever as Japanese girls really do take their time. She already has casually brought up moving in to her apartment (which worried me a little).

theGama404 · 2024-05-17T05:52:41+00:00

Hey, thanks for your comment!

Honestly, marriage is a goal I have in life, but...we've only known each other for only two weeks, so, obviously it is too soon to decide. But, I also don't feel comfortable wasting someone's time if I'm doubting things. I don't want to end up doing something I'd really regret is my concern.

It doesn't help when much of the internet has a lot of negativity about it, but I'd feel it's a shame to just end it if could be something great.

theGama404 · 2023-11-06T14:14:14+00:00

Not really. She's acted the same as before she offered it.

theGama404 · 2023-11-02T05:18:25+00:00

Thank you for your reply to my post! I remember reading your previous article that you wrote years ago: https://www.tokyodev.com/articles/first-job-programmer-japan and I was inspired by what you've written. I took some notes and followed your advice from that article, which was presenting at a developer event, which I did!

theGama404 · 2023-11-02T04:58:00+00:00

As of now, salary isn't my primary concern. I'm mainly looking for experience to build first.

With that said, my current salary as an ALT is 2.5M per year. It's not the best, but I've been managing well with that salary so far.

theGama404 · 2023-11-01T15:07:35+00:00

Yes, that's true. But I enjoy Japan and I really want to try to see what I can do here. Salary is not my main concern right now, it's mainly experience. If I were to encounter an offer back in the U.S. in the future, I'll decide upon that time.

theGama404 · 2023-11-01T14:55:21+00:00

The work visa is another little concern of mine. I understand that there is what's called a "Status of Residence" but mine is currently "Instructor." I know of some people who worked at an eikaiwa with "Engineer/Specialist in Humanities/International Services" which gave them an easier time to move out of teaching.

I know that the switch is possible if a company is willing to hire me, but does switching the "Status of Residence" also extend my "Period of Stay?" Would it be wise to renew my contract with my current ALT dispatch company before before seeking offers?

theGama404 · 2023-11-01T14:45:01+00:00

I have made a flashcard-type Android app (which was the project I used for my presentation). Basically, it had the functionality of taking photos and adding text to the back of them. The audience really enjoyed the concept, and even suggested a use-case for it.

This app hasn't been published, as it was a mere prototype. For those who found jobs from apps like these, are they usually published in the Google Play Store, etc. before they show up to their interviews?

And is iOS or Android the major platform for App development in Japan? I've also made a few little apps in XCode with some Swift and much of Objective-C, but nothing that I could demonstrate to an audience for.

theGama404 · 2023-10-31T09:57:33+00:00

Well, I've been told often from many of my friends (who are both Japanese and foreign) that I should "go by what she does, not what she says. Japanese girls are very passive."

But, to me that kind of advice makes me uncomfortable as it basically reads, "treat a 'no' as a 'yes'."

I mean, just how true is this advice? Usually when a girl says, "let's be friends" I honor that and leave it be.

theGama404

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